The Days After……

Hello Luvs,
Well, another Christmas eve and day went by without a hitch…isnt’ that what they say?? I guess that means without something awful happening, huh? It is very different around our house now, since the kids are all gone on their own. Part of me really likes it because I never really got to be “alone” on my own before. I left my parents home to marry and then when I divorced, I moved out with my 2 kids to an apartment . It was closer to my parents, my family…but I’m not sure why I moved in that direction. I really should have run the opposite direction and kept on running! But if you’ve been reading my blog along from the beginning, you will know why I just made that last statement. If not, then you might want to read some of the earlier pages, that spoke of the abuse and such. I guess I never really had “alone” time very often until now. I do enjoy it and its very soothing to have that little bit of time to reflect and to keep yourself more calm.
One thing for sure, is that Christmas will not ever be the same for me again, after this year. I know my girls were getting older and older and older. I knew one day they’d be gone and have a home of their own. Just know that this Christmas, I “ate up” every single second of the time we had together! Amy and Grant (my youngest 25 yrs and her fiance’, 27 yrs) both have their own apartments and they came for the entire Christmas eve day and they stayed for the whole evening. Grant went to sleep over for the last time at his parents house, with his younger sister, Sarah, who’s 20. Amy stayed over night at our house and in her old bedroom, now called the “guestroom”. I had made up the bed for her and set up everything very nice for her. For one more time…… in my entire lifetime, I got to feel that peace, the peace that only a parent knows and feels, when everyone is tucked in their beds at night and all feels right in the world again. But to go back a few hours….I’ll explain our day and night. I thought I could share some of our traditions with you and then maybe learn some new ones from a reader?

Amy and Grant arrived about 11:15 am on Christmas eve morning. We met them at the mall because one of our Christmas eve traditions that we have done as far back as when my girls were born, is to have lunch at one of our favorite restaurants called, “Olga’s Kitchen”. We met them there and had a nice lunch and none of us had any shopping to do, luckily. But we got a Starbuck’s coffee, only to watch all of the “Hustlers and bustlers”, with their last minute shopping. We walked around the mall for about an hour after our yummy lunch and with our “salted hot carmel Mocha” from Starbucks. Amy and I talked and Craig and Grant talked and we all had a nice Christmas eve afternoon. We left the mall to go back to our house together. Amy and Grant were so cute, they were still wide eyed and excited about Christmas so that made it fun for me as well. We decided to let Grant open his stocking stuffers from us and have Amy open her Xmas eve gifts from Craig and me. We had loads of food and “goodies” out, along with hot cider, soda, coffee and tea’s. After opening his stocking voraciously with all of the fun sound effects,jokes and amusing stories that we’ve come to expect from Grant, then Amy opened up her Christmas eve gifts from us, “Mom & Dad”. It’s really fun, by the way that since the wedding is only 3 weeks away, Grant started calling us “Mom and Dad” now…I LOVE IT!! I love kids, all ages of kids,….grown up kids, little kids, baby kids….I love them all. I wish I’d have had 10 more kids than what I had!!.
Did I mention that the fireplace was on and the stockings were hung with care? Did I mention that my little story “dad” bear was in his rocker waiting to read “twas the Night Before Christmas”? Also, the cat knew something was happening…something was very different…it was louder and more busy than what she’s used to ….she decided to hide out under the couch for most of the festivities!!. We had gone to lunch and they opened a couple of gifts, but we had planned on eating my homemade Lasagna, which has become a new tradition just recently. I’m a very good cook , but never really gave myself the chance to believe in my own cooking because I was always too afraid I’d get put down and told that “i couldn’t do it right”….so I never tried until now. I made the best Lasagna ever! Well, I’ll just tell you a little of how I made it in case you want to try…it was excellent! I put some ground sausage and ground sirloin together and sautéed it with some onions. I added some Pasta sauce called “Prego -Tomatio, Basil & Garlic”, 2 bottles of that went into the meat mixture after browning and draining it. I added a touch of seasonings to my liking and put it aside. I took the Ricotta cheese and mixed an egg into that , making it more easily “dolloped” into the dish and spread over the Lasagna noodles which was cooking in boiling water in the stove during all of this. I put a little plain sauce in bottom of the pan. Then I put the Lasagna noodles by 3’s across, one at a time into the pan. after the noodles were covering bottom of pan, I put the meat/sauce mixture into the dish on top of the noodle layer that I had there. I put a few dollops of the Ricotta cheese /egg mixture on top of the noodles, then sauce . I spread it into a nice layer but not too thin and not too thick. *(By the way, the oven should be pre heating during all of this at about 350 degrees)…I put the : Mozzarella (grated), the 5 Italian cheeses (grated) and the Parmesean(grated) on top of that layer and then another layer of noodles. You do that in layers just like I said, until everything is gone. You save the last meat/sauce mixture for the top and then some added cheese as well. You cover it lightly so the cheese does not touch the Foil and you put it in the 350 oven for about 35 minutes. Then you take the top off, the foil and throw that out, while leaving the Lasagna in the oven for 15 more minutes. It is the most excellent Lasagna ever! I actually got the recipe from my bff, Marge! Thanks Marge!!
We ate the Lasagna after going to church service at 4:30. I had forgotten that part. We were planning on going to the candle light service at 6:00 pm at the church near our house. But we would’ve had to have eaten the Lasagna early at about 4:30 and left in only 45 minutes for the 6pm service, in order to get a seat. Nobody was hungry yet, because our lunch at Olga’s was so great and filling!! So we decided to switch it up and go to the children’s service at 4:30 and then eat the Lasagna when we got home after that. So that is what we did. We were nice and hungry when we got home. But we felt a little bit less than fulfilled with that church service. Now , we knew it was geared for children and we don’t mind “funny” , “fun” and/or “dumb”, but it was just very boring, only 20 minutes long and the minister was not talking at all to the adults. It was definitely a children’s service but I’m thinking the adults were not supposed to get anything out of it. Somehow that doesn’t seem right? Everyone should feel something about Christmas services? The Mary was an older girl and they made her pregnant and the boy was very young and didnt know his lines well and then “mary” kept on calling him “Joe”…it was not very thought provoking or “Feeling”…It was more like comedy and I dont prefer that especially on Christmas. There were no songs or bells or anything that made it feel like Christmas around there. My daughter had a great idea….when we got home and we were eating our traditional “S’mores”, she decided that we should try to go to church again that night. I mean, it it Jesus’ birthday after all?? We didn’t feel like we’d even gone to church….so we would watch most of the movie “The Holiday” and drink cocoa or hot coffee/flavored, and eat some of the goodies that I’d made with Craig. Then we went to the 9pm church service near our home and it was Awesome!! It was beautiful and there was the gorgeously decorated church and the lights and the choir and the bell choir!!! It was great and we enjoyed the service and the Homily and the people …just everything made us all feel more like the way going to church is supposed to make you feel.
After church, Grant came back to our home again and we gave him all of his presents and we gave Sutton’s presents to Amy to open and they gave us their presents to us!!! It was awesome and fun and a wonderful memorable Christmas eve. But it was about 11:30 and the kids had a long day the next day, with Grant’s family. So Grant went back to his parents house to sleep over for the last time and wake up with his sister and parents for Christmas morning! Craig and I woke up with Amy and Luna was there of course. We turned on the Christmas music, I wore my Santa hat and I started the hot tea. Amy went straight to her stocking and then we all had our tea and opened the gifts from Santa. We had a great breakfast of pancakes, bacon and juice, with hot tea. Then after dishes were cleaned up, Amy had to go and get ready to spend the day at Grant’s Uncle and Aunts house with Grant’s sister and Parents as well. Craig, Luna and I had a quiet and nice Christmas day, but I never got out of my Christmas nightie! It has reindeer on front and its from “Eddie Bauer”…it’s so cute. I wore the Santa hat, made coffee in my Keurig with my new special hot mug! I played with Luna, got some love from her and then Craig and I watched some Christmas movies and I got my loving from him too! It was quiet, but it can be whatever you make it. I could have chosen to be sad, depressed and to have felt bored and /or lonely that day. Some people may have felt that way, if they’d had my Christmas day. I CHOSE to relax, enjoy the Christmas music int he background, read a bit, play on my iPad awhile and hang out with my favorite kitty, Luna and my favorite Hubby, Craig! All in all we had a good Christmas. I feel like next year may be a little bit harder because it may be the first time since 1986, that I won’t be waking up in the morning with children in the house…big or little “children”…they’re still my children to me.
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Most of life is like like that you know. Bad things can happen to us and they do, all the time. But how you deal with those bad things, that is the key in this life. If you choose to be sad then you’ll be depressed and you won’t be able to ever enjoy anything. If all you do is complain about it all, then you will alienate the people who may want to spend time with you, but not when you are like that. If you choose to just be “down in the dumps” then you will not have any fun. You have to make your own fun! You can play game, watch a movie, listen to music. I found that throughout these holidays, I would play my IPOD on the Ihome speakers. I loved listening to the Christmas music this past month. I enjoyed it immensely and we put it on each morning. Sometimes we even dance slowly together in our living room. I married my best friend. I”m so lucky……who knows what next year will bring??? Maybe my now 10 year Christmas “miracle wish” will come true next year?? I had so hoped it would this Christmas, but no such luck….We still had an excellent Christmas time…and now…I have New Year’s Eve to look forward to! We are meeting 2 other couples for Dinner and then they are all coming back to our house for games, food/dessert, and to watch “the ball drop” on “New Year’s Rockin Eve…..its not the same without Dick Clark, but they still do a good job!!
This holiday is such a whirlwind; because after the New year’s festivities are finished, we then have only a few days until my Sleep study, which is on Friday night at 9pm and I have to stay until Saturday morning at 6:00 am. I guess I dont breath when I sleep and you can die or it can really hurt your heart worse or since I’ve already suffered a CVA (stroke), I could have another one because of course, it’s never good to stop breathing when you sleep! After this study is done, I will go home and set up for my daughter’s Wedding shower that I am giving her at my house! All of the women from the wedding are coming over at 2pm and we are having a beautiful shower for her!!! She’ll have a pretty corsage and a pretty dress! She will be treated like the Princess she is for the day!! She will be a most beautiful bride on January 11th 2014! I cannot wait to have a son who loves me and who treats me really great!! That goes really well with the daughter who loves me and treats me great…Thank you for reading and I hope you’ve enjoyed me sharing my holiday with you today….br />20131230-173422.jpg<

Oh….and one last thing that I must mention is that as you know, I am a chronic pain paitient. I have full body CRPS and I have CKDII and Dysautonomia/POTS/NCS, along with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Immune disease deficiency, a pacemaker, Osteoarthritis and much more. But I didn’t let all of that pain stop me from having as much fun as my “Pained” body would allow me to have. I guess you could say that I took my emergency medications for just these kinds of special ocasions. I planned and napped and just put it into my head that I was going to have a nice time. No doom and gloom, just smiles and fun…but no fakeness..thats’ not what I mean either…I just had to really put myself into another state of mind, even if I’ve had to “pay” for it the few days and still today since Christmas, it was and is still worth it….thanks so much and please come back again…Suzanne<


A Christmas Wish

Hello Luvs,

Well, it is the Holiday Season once again.  The tree is trimmed….boy, OH boy is our tree ever “trimmed”!!  We have a 3 yr old kitty cat who thinks that we brought a tree into our house JUST for her to play in!! We actually came downstairs and came home etc…several times and the tree was over on it’s side, after having “crashed” to the floor! We decided to take the the bottom off of the tree and put the top of the tree into the tree stand and put it on top of the end table. So now she can hide under the tree skirt, which is on top of the table and under the tree….LOL…but she doesn’t get into it anymore! I just know she thinks that tree was brought inside just to please her and to give her something to play inside of! Silly Luna kitty!  Anyway, it’s still a beautiful tree, especially when it’s all lit up at night.IMG_3919

So…I’ve been really thinking…..I’ve been thinking about Christmas and the true meaning of this beautiful holiday. I used to get so sad when the people who were “supposed” to be around me during the holidays, were not around  during that time, or any other times. That is a long story for another day…But for today, I want to talk about Christmas Miracles and what I would love for mine to be this year or any time at all. I won’t go into details because the past is the past. But my eldest daughter has been gone for over 9 years now. She left of her own free will.  No one asked her to leave, no one forced her to leave, she just left.  Not a day has gone by that I’ve not thought about her. A holiday has not passed, when I haven’t cried because of missing her. If I could have one Christmas miracle, one holiday wish,  it would be the same Christmas miracle I’ve asked for every year since 2004. I would ask for my daughter to come home, at least in her heart.  She is almost 28 years old and has her own home now. Although I stayed and raised my two daughters literally without any physical, Psychological or emotional help whatsoever;  I pray to see her and I also pray to meet my only granddaughter, who just recently turned one year old, this past November. I didn’t know of the wedding, I never knew of the pregnancy, I never saw the ultrasound appointments, I missed her birth, her first sounds, rolling over, crawling, her first tooth and now I’m sure she’s walking and talking.
When I first learned about my granddaughter, I started a scrapbook. It is a way to keep her in my thoughts and on my mind in a healthy and good way. I’ve kept up a book for both of my daughters as well, since they were born.  I’ve written notes, letters, poems etc. to them both from the day I went into labor and through today. Of course they are older now so I don’t have so much to write anymore, but I still write in it when I find something that I want to share with them.  My friends kept trying to get me to find & look at photos of my new granddaughter. I didn’t want to look because I finally saw a photo of her and then I fell in love, instantly. My “baby” has a baby. Wow….my “miracle” has her own “miracle” now. I started the scrapbook, but it turned into a journal of sorts. I don’t have many photo’s of course and it’s turned into what I call “Letters To Olivia”… I have not done very much, but I’ve started it and have written in it. I “talk” to “Liv” and I tell her about us and her mommy when she was a wee one. I guess I just do it to keep sane. I’ve just lost so much; it’s hard to keep my heart from breaking all over again day after day.
I saw this somewhere and it makes me think of my daughter being a mother now :  “Mothers and daughters are closest when daughters become mothers.” -Author Unknown.  I found these ideas online…they are really several pieces of advice for daughters and I want to share them with you (they are from a woman named BNayden, but I don’t know who she really is, except that she is a mom….like me and……although I don’t usually give too much advice, I thought this was worth reading and sharing:

                                     Advice for Daughters

  1. Listen to your Momma. She will never intentionally steer you in the wrong direction. There may be times you think we don’t have your best interest in mind but we always do.
  2. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Your family and true friends will accept you for who you are.
  3. Do everything with grace.
  4. Avoid participating in gossip.
  5. Think twice before you post something on the internet.
  6. Learn to cook, clean and be organized for yourself, not for someone else.
  7. Don’t set limits for yourself. Break down boundaries.
  8. You are stronger than what you think.
  9. Read books and watch documentaries.
  10. . There is nothing wrong with a little adventure so don’t be afraid to try new things.
  11. . In anything you do, remember that there is a reaction for every action.
  12. . Be the heroine in your own story. You don’t need a prince to rescue you.
  13. . Don’t dumb yourself down to get attention. There is nothing wrong with being smart. Use your common sense.
  14. . Respect yourself.
  15. . Know who your true friends are. It is okay to let go of people and move on, not everyone is meant to take the next step with you in your journey.
  16. . Set goals for yourself and have a plan but know that not everything goes as planned. Always have a plan B and C.
  17. . Don’t give up on your dreams. Take it one step and one day at a time.
  18. . Travel. Experience the world.
  19. . Know what’s going on in the world and in your local community. Keep up with current events.
  20. . Be confident and believe in yourself.
  21. . Respect nature and the environment, help to take care of it.
  22. . Work hard and seize every opportunity.
  23. . Be kind, compassionate and loyal.
  24. . Not everyone will be on your team. Don’t worry about pleasing them. Keep yourself happy and stick to what you believe in.
  25. . Know your self-worth and don’t let anyone else bring it down or make you feel less worthy.
  26. . Have faith.
  27. . Be courteous and always practice good manners.
  28. . Try your best not to do or say anything you will regret later.
  29. . Be wise when it comes to money. Save for rainy days and for the future. Live within your means.
  30. . Material possessions are not everything.
  31. . You are my princess; find a man that will treat you like his queen and he will be worthy for you to treat him like a king.
  32. . Be as well-educated, well-spoken and well-traveled the best you can.
  33. . Have hobbies, learn to play an instrument, play sports, join clubs and do volunteer work. All of these things will teach you valuable skills and make you a well-rounded person.
  34. . You are going to lose sometimes but you will only fail if you don’t stand back up and try again.
  35. . Be independent.
  36. . Learn to be patient.
  37. . You have a rich heritage. Be proud of it and your culture because it contributes to who you are.
  38. . Realize when to walk away; you can only give so much until you compromise your integrity and happiness.
  39. . Be healthy. Eat well and exercise. Practice good hygiene.
  40. . Be passionate about everything you do and what career you choose. It should not always be about the money especially if you are unhappy.

I don’t know why I liked the advice above, but I thought it was really good, or most of it anyways. I just felt like sharing it …but now I’d like to share My Christmas wish:

….I so badly want my daughter to look up to me, like she had done in the past. I want her to see me with the same eyes that she had seen me with when she was a little girl. A time when I could fix anything and a time when a hug and a kiss and some ice inside of the “boo boo bunny” could fix a multitude of “owie’s”.  I don’t want to go back in time, but move forward yet have her remember what she knew of my heart, who she always knew I was and for her to once again KNOW that I still am that “Momma” who thinks of her every day and still fondly calls her “My Sunshine Girl”.  I want for her to realize that though she thought I could fix anything when she was a little girl, I’m just a person who is imperfect and who makes mistakes just like anyone and everyone does.  I so badly wish for her to know that I never ever did or said anything to intentionally hurt her, not ever. Though I never would hurt a hair on my daughters heads, I’m not perfect and I have my own past hurts, issues and inner “demons” that I fight against; while being a product of a Malignant Narcissistic abusive family……what I’m saying…… I suppose….is that I’m sure I’ve unintentionally  hurt some feelings in the past, but not willfully or with malice in my heart.

I have so much on my mind and in my heart this Christmas time. I am older now and feel at peace more with who I am and who I wish to be. I try to find good in every day and forgive the “little” things, because most daily annoyances are just that…”little things”.  I try to find the good in people that I meet, and not be judgemental.  I forgive those who’ve hurt me, even though the “hurt’s” that have plagued me during my lifetime are unimaginable to some. I’ve had not one, not two but many many Dr.’s and other people who meet me, say that I am a “miracle”. They say that they are so surprised that I’m not “dead or crazy.  I’m not saying that to boast about being some kind of “miracle”…no… but to have you, the reader; know and feel what kind of things I’ve endured. If not for any other reason, than to know that I write from my heart; a broken heart.  A heart that I’ve tried to mend over these years and continue to fill it with only love and kindness. I try not to harbor ill feelings for those who’ve abused me in the past, and they are many. I’ve been hurt by just about every person in life who was supposed to love me. I’ve been starved, poisoned, beaten, broken, punished, molested,raped, cheated on and worst of all taunted and teased, called names and the most hurtful of all is the fact that those who are supposed to love me, get pleasure from my pain. It saddens me when I think about it too much. So I just don’t think about it ….and as much as I can push it away, I do!

Anyways, all of that is in the past…oh wait…no… some of it is still happening. When you have Narcissistic abusers in your life, in your own family; it never ends until you break the ties. That  is something which is so hard to do that not many can do it; not many  stick with it for the long haul. God never said that you had to stay with people who hurt you and/or abuse you. But enough of that talk, this is Christmas and it is the season of goodness, kindness and peace.

I’ve always heard it is the time for miracles. I’ve been waiting so long and every Christmas I pray for my Christmas miracle to come true. I pray all during the year as well. I pray every day and each night. Maybe this will be my year for a true longing wish to come true. All I want for Christmas, Lord….is to have my daughter back in my arms again. I don’t care how old she is….she will always be my baby!  “I love her forever, I like her for always….as long as I’m living my baby she’ll be…”…..Anyways, the day will come that my wish will come true, she will feel again in heart what she once felt ……something I’ve always felt and never lost for her…..a kind of love that is deep and true and a special kind of love between a Mother and her daughter…..

Well…anyways…I hope all of your Christmas wishes come true….whatever language you speak, I hope you speak “Love” and keep it in your heart all year and not just at Christmas time….

Photo Dec 02, 4 46 30 PM



This is a Photo of the OFFICIAL* RSD/CRPS AWARENESS RIBBON. It was created by Keith Orsini from RSDHOPE.ORG…for more information please visit: WWW.RSDHOPE.ORG

Individuality In Pain….


Hello Luvs,

  We each feel like our own pain is the worst and that what we are going thru is the hardest and most devastating. In a way, this is partially true. That is because when it is” YOUR pain” then it ISYOUR” WORST, do you know what I’m trying to say?  What I mean is that everything can be challenging when you feel like your own story is the only one that’s difficult like this.  A friend of mine who is in my international  buddies/bloggers group *( ladies trying to reach out via blogging, to help those of us  in pain), she said this and I asked her if I could quote her here in my blog; she approved :
“Consider this idea from Brian Greene who writes on string theory in clear English : He points out that, in an infinite universe, each of us is at the center”. Exactly, my point and what I’m trying to convey here, today.   For example, one person may feel that whatever they are going through with chronic pain is the worst pain they’ve experienced in life…ever!, The patient may feel this way due to the possible negative outcome of certain treatments or the lack of treatment and/or empathy/ understanding. One person could feel that their situation is the very bottom of the “pit”. The very “fires of Hell” very well may be his/her situation. The outcome could be a “loss” of  the use of his legs;  to him this is the worst thing that he could imagine.  For another pain patient, or RSD/CRPS sufferer, she may be afraid and feel that her suffering is the hardest that anyone can imagine. She may scared because she is so young with her whole life ahead.  For her this disease is taking so much;it is a thief of sorts!  She could lose so many possibilities in life. Maybe she has indeed lost so much already? What about the younger ones who’ve never been able to experience the love or the dream of being a mother and holding that baby for the first time? Maybe their dream is something different and they’ll not ever get to do the things that I got to do prior to my pain? There is much to lose at each and every stage, when your life gets harder  and then even harder to find things that make you smile again 

   As for me, I’ve lost so much… and 2002-thru now has been a bit more than very difficult. I mean how many people have : lost their mother, their whole family and even their 18 yr old daughter; after raising her almost solely as a single mother? Then later, missed her wedding, and never even knew about having a  granddaughter for a very long time; without ever meeting her? How many people have at the same time, suffered from:  a CVA(stroke), PTSD from a history of abuse, POTS/Dysautonomia/NCS, a heart attack, TBI w/ 3 yrs of PT,OT & TBI rehab; all while enduring 12 surgeries following a terrible car accident?? Also at the same time, still suffering an added degenerative disc disease,A trial fib, 2 pacemakers, pectoral muscles totally needing to be rebuilt and R.A?  All of that,along with “full body RSD/CRPSII”??  What if their RSD/CRPS is in their mouth, eyes, feet, legs, back, neck, knees and even into the chest wall and heart muscle?? Suppose this person also has nerve damage to ears, eyes, legs, feet, back, shoulders & hands? What if they have lost vision and obtained 2 hearing aids as well?   Have you guessed yet, that this person is me? I went from leg braces to wheelchair for anything more than 10 minutes walking now.  I have a motorized scooter  that I cannot use anymore because my shoulders hurt horribly and I suffer from Long Thoracic nerve damage and have other Neurological damage/pain too. I  have RA now and cannot take the immuno suppressant meds due to my immune deficiency disease called “Hypogammaglobulinemia”.  Oh yes, and I have something called  “Long QT syndrome”, an elongated QT line in my EKG, that gives no symptoms but is silent in that it only causes “sudden cardiac death”!  My heart also suffers from  MVP, Pulmonary valve hypertension, and tricuspid valve prolapse as well. I suffer every day from the TBI and the horrible forgetfulness and memory issues.  Not soley “CRPS memory fog”, but deeper memory issues which people don’t understand unless they have true Cerebullar damage to their brain because a man ran through a red light one day while fighting with his wife. Then there is the CKDII and Asthma….. just so many health issues that are  too many to mention here.

   After my heart surgery this past February, 2013; I found out that my RSD/CRPS  has traveled to my heart as well as my whole left chest area. I have so much pain in my neck, my knees, lower back, hands, feet, arms, legs etc, from several of these issues. At times, I’m afraid, I’m sad and I’m lonely. But I know that this is only “MY” worst, not any of yours; not anyone elses.  We all have our own certain issues that are specific to each of us.  We are all going thru each of our own private” HELL”.

  I’m so sorry for each of you in your own separate situations…I cannot take the pain “journey” for you or go thru it with you in a personal way. But I can be your good friend, walk with you, next to you; next to your heart. I can love you and when you’re afraid;  I can talk to you and virtually hug you and love you.  We all separately need to know that we EACH feel like we are at our “worst” at different times. It depends, but every person has real fears and real pain.. Our own worst is still something we own as our personal “worst” experience, just as we experience our own personal best situations.  I hope you all understand what i mean. I have recently read a story of poor woman in terrible pain with great fear.  I do understood her fear (to a point) and her pain (only from as far as I can draw from my own experiences). Then I saw read about another, younger woman in the same kind of horrible pain.  Both of their personal deep fears and pain came through. The younger one feels that she has so much to lose as she hasn’t even started her life yet.  Some of us already have had our children and we’ve had real jobs for a while and may have even been through some good &/ or exciting adventures prior to becoming a Chronic Pain patient. Maybe we’ve done some fun things in our lives or accomplished a goal?  Some of the younger ones in pain, have not gotten to do any of those things, not yet, anyway.  What I see through my advocacy with pain, Invisible Illnesses and RSD/CRPS;  is so much love and compassion. Sometimes it is dampened and even overidden by our real fears and the feeling that we are “the worse off”. We each may feel that our pain is  “the worst”…our own personal worst. When I think about it this way, I realize what we are all feeling and I can empathize better with others in pain. I know that they also share these same ideas and solitude in pain. I just so badly wish i could just fix everyone. I love you all so much.. We will not give up, we will not give in and we will not stop trying to fight for a life that everyone deserves.


Some Have Sight, But No Vision!!!!!

Some Have Sight, But No Vision!!!

Hello Luvs…

    Guess what?? I’ve been nominated for “4” Health Advocate  activist awards through!!  What this means is that people who I’ve possibly helped or people who know me feel that I am indeed an advocate for people with Invisible Disabilities, including but not limited to RSD/CRPS. It would be wonderful if some of my  readers could and would endorse me.  You see, the next step is that I need endorsements from people who know and trust me. Would you possibly be able to “ENDORSE” me?  Please….could you??? Would you please help me to continue helping others ? You can endorse me by going here; for the “Best in show: community or Forum”….OR to the nomination for “Health activist Hero” is at: and for the “Best in show: You tube” award; if you’d like to endorse me for that…..go to : and last but not least to endorse me for the “Best in Show” “Best Kept Secret”Award...go here: .   These are the 4 links to visit to endorse me for all 4 (four) of these WEGO HEALTH ACTIVIST AWARDS.  If you don’t know me at all, I surely don’t expect you to endorse me. Only if you know me and you believe in me and you believe & that I’m a good candidate,only then should you endorse me .  I would never ask anyone to endorse me if it wasn’t something they felt in their heart and soul.  So please, think about it, would you?  I don’t want this due to a need to make my ego grow….I don’t need this to be somebody, to be an advocate with a drive. I don’t wish this for selfish reasons. I only hope for this to help my CAUSE… dream that there will someday be cures for all of these horrible invisible diseases, and especially for the horrible, most painful of all Chronic Pain diseases; “RSD/CRPS” or aka “Complex Regional Pain Syndrome”. If I win any or some or all of these awards, it will just make my purpose be known a little bit more. Maybe someone will say “Oh Yes, that girl…the one who won the “Best in Show: Community Forum” or the “Health Activist Hero” award, she makes that support jewelry for a whole bunch of diseases. She writes about it, has several Social media sites about it and does “You Tube” informational video’s and performance video’s to catch people’s attention!  She’s that woman who has the “Support in Jewelry” website.  Then…maybe, …just maybe…. someone will buy a bracelet from me. I will in turn, keep giving the money that I get from the support bracelets (the majority of it, minus expenses) to Non-Profit RSD/CRPS groups like Then…after that…maybe one day…we will have that dollar amount to spread more awareness for…., do more research for….and support more education for these most painful Invisible Diseases, and then one day my dream will come true and there will be less pain.   Helen Keller once said that “alone we can do so little, but together we can do so much”!..She is my hero….she was blind, but she saw more than most people can see…she was deaf, but could listen with her heart….she was mute but said more than anyone I know!!! She said once…that the “most pathetic people, are those who have sight but no vision”…I have a vision. I am pursuing that vision and I won’t stop until I draw my last breath! I may not have money, I may not have a large family and I may have more pain than I can bear some days….but….I am richer than anyone I know, I have the best “family” because I know who truly loves me and I have experienced pain and do so every day. It reminds me not to ever give up!! Thank you….



Hello Luvs,

I just wanted to head you toward one of my “Support In Jewelry” website/blogs to check out WHO won my RSDHOPE  “Roar for November (is RSD/CRPS Awareness Month)” . Find out how much I raised for the CAUSE, who won the 6 raffle drawing RSD/ CRPS bracelets and who won the special RSD/CRPS,  Swarovski Crystal Awareness bracelet that I made for this fundraiser!!  Check it out if you get a moment!! My CAUSE can also be found at :   …..thank you to all of those who participated, you are awesome!! You are not awesome just for donating…but you are awesome because instead of just complaining about the pain and the disease, like me, you are DOING something about it!!