Remembering Like It Was Yesterday


Wow!! It was 20 years ago today that my mom passed away. It was Dec 22, 2002. Only 3 months after my husband & my terrible car accident. Yes, it was a bad year!

The hardest part was that she died at 4:30 am & no one told me until 5 hours later😞. There’s never been a funeral. They did not have one. Unless they just did that without telling me? I don’t know 100% for sure? But my husband & daughters & I had a memorial service for her at our church. Sadly, only 3 cousins, out of approximately 40, showed up that day. My dad had told everyone not to come. I know this to be true because one brave cousin told me about that.

I also remember, even though that happened, I offered my father to have Christmas dinner with us. He told me “he preferred to go to our family friends house for dinner”. Then Christmas came 2 days later & our family friends got the flu. Without hesitation, I made room for him at our table, (even though I was extremely hurt… *but used to it by that time)…then he proceeded to tell me how “the food would’ve been better at our family friends house

There’s never been a place to go to “sit” with her. No headstone or garden to sit in and pray or chat with her. One other memory from that day, is that (my dad & brothers, wouldn’t allow me to come over to just be together that day. The 3 of them wanted to mourn & grieve without me being included. I have actually been used to that, but it hurts every time, & worse that day. Then to top off everything, my dad showed me a photo, which he called “our last family photo”…. Guess who was NOT in the picture? That was a real punch to the gut!

Although I know we didn’t always have the best relationship , but she was still my Momma. The only one I’ll ever have. I miss her & I miss sharing things with her. I used to tell her all of the silly, happy, scary &/or worrisome things in my life.

But one thing I’ll always cherish. When she had her big cancer surgery, she asked for ME to come sit with her for 2 hours prior to her surgery. Just the two of us. She had the nurses tell the guys that they couldn’t come into the room. Only the girls were allowed this time. I cherish those two hours.

Here’s a cool filter on some pictures of my mom. It’s animated to make it look almost as though she’s really moving & alive. As if in a real video.

My mom’s graduation picture in 1948 I believe
My mom & me
My mom, me & my 2 daughters. All 3 generations on Mother’s Day 1991