Part of Two Worlds


Hello Luvs,

Many of my “regular” readers may remember that I am “Hard of hearing”. Hearing people usually use the term “hearing impaired”. We prefer to be called “Hard of hearing”. Mostly because we don’t feel that we are broken or “impaired”. Technically it means that Im not totally deaf. I can hear various pitches, frequencies and sounds. With my hearing aids in, I can hear a bit more of the letters and words in normal conversation. But add in background noise and people who mumble or talk very fast. Next, add the situation of trying to “listen” to several people at once, in a crowded room or restaurant? Lastly, there are those with facial hair all around their mouth and lips. They are the group for me, who have the most frustrating lips to read! Then again, it’s not really like “reading”. Because it’s more like piecing together bits and pieces then trying to “fill in the missing pieces”.

In case you’re not familiar with my hearing loss journey; I’ll recap just a little bit for you. When I was a child, I had recurring ear infections. During those times, I could often be found literally rocking my body back & forth, while curled up in the fetal position. My memories start as young as age 4 or 5. It was always pure hell while I was living with horrible ear infections. When I complained to my parents about the excruciating 😖 throbbing Pain in my ear (or ears), my mother would always say same thing. She’d tell me “Once your eardrum ruptures, the pressure will go away and you will feel better!” Well, I did feel better, but each time that happened it caused scar tissue to form in my ear drums. It also caused mild hearing loss as I was growing up. I remember asking the teachers if I could sit closer to the board to try and hear them better. Therefore my audiologist (in 2002) & ENT Dr. felt that I’ve had mild hearing loss since I was a child. I had tubes put in my ears when I was about 9 years old. They were surgically placed multiple times and for several years.

Later in 2002, I was a passenger in a car driven by my husband. We were just driving along through a green light when we were hit by a car running through a red light. It was considered a “catastrophic accident”. I acquired a TBI (traumatic brain injury) and had multiple injuries and 9 surgeries. I went to brain injury rehab for 3 years & had 9 years of PT/OT, balance therapy and speech therapy. I acquired a pacemaker, glasses with prisms (for lowered vision), 2 screws in my left shoulder and 2 hearing aids. I also got a wheelchair, a seated wheeled walker, a motorized scooter, loft strand crutches, a cane and several other helping aides for activities of daily living.

I won’t bore you with all of the chronic pain illnesses that came out of that accident. That’s not what this post is all about. But I also acquired a bi-lateral sensory neural moderate/severe hearing loss in both of my ears L>R. Along with the many medical issues, I also acquired lower vision. I saw a Neuro-Othamoligist, who put prisms in my glasses to try and correct some of it. The prisms really bothered me. Today I just have a very strong prescription for eye glasses. Everything has a bit of a halo effect.

It’s ironic and very awesome that prior to that MVA (motor vehicle accident), I had been an ASL Interpreter. I worked at a Deaf preschool and then I interpreted for a school district. In the end, I was a medical Interpreter at a University hospital. I even did volunteer work doing medical interpreting for Deaf/Blind at free medical screening events. I had gone through a 4 year SLS/Interpreting program and finished with a 3.8 gpa.

Back in the 1980’s when I went to college, I practically lived at the dorms with my 16 Deaf friends. We watched CC “General Hospital” daily at 3:00 pm. We even tried to schedule our classes around it! It was a social hour. I’d been learning ASL since age 11 & even “tested out” of the first fingerspelling class.

The Deaf community accepted me and they were kind to me. At that time I went to Deaf bowling every Thursday with DAD club. I had a Deaf boyfriend whose sister was a cheerleader at MSD & we went to all of the football games and even the homecoming dance! Me and my group of college friends, who happened to be Deaf, used to go out dancing on Friday nights. One time my friends & I were on our way to a dance club and we got pulled over for a slight bit of speeding. We were all packed in the back of a mini van signing with each other. One of my friends told me to “talk to the officer”. I was terrified and I told him “No way! I’m afraid! Since I’m with you guys, I don’t want to talk to him either!” We all laughed as the officer just let us go with a handwritten warning on a piece of paper. That was a fun and I felt included.

Just to back track a little, I started learning ASL at age 11. My best friend & I babysat for a Deaf family who lived next door to her. The parents and 6 children were Deaf. The children went to the Lutheran School for Deaf at that time! They included me in many Deaf social activities and I learned the language & received my sign name from them. First we played games and I learned colors, numbers, family signs, days of week and more!

I’ve always felt accepted by the Deaf community. I always respected the language, ASL. How ironic then, that I lost a moderate-severe percentage of my hearing & was already prepared with the tools I needed!

I’ve lost touch with some of my old friends from DAD (Deaf Association of Detroit). But I still have a some close friends from the past, who are Deaf. I still feel a part of the community. I’d like to become even more involved again! But living with several high pain chronic illnesses makes it difficult to get out due to persistent pain.

I’ve found my own ways to reconnect and to feel not so “in-between” two worlds. I get to teach ASL vocabulary with the Deaf Socials on their Instagram and Facebook pages. I love & look forward to each new vocabulary list they give to me for teaching! I truly enjoy doing that and doing song covers to ASL on my Youtube channel: My YouTube channel at: ASLSuzyQ . I also post to my Instagram A link to my ASL Instagram and Twitter A link to my ASL Twitter with the same name. I do this for fun and as a volunteer and advocate for Deaf Awareness.

Lastly, I used to love being a part of two ASL performance groups during the 80’s, when I lived in Arizona & worked at a Deaf preschool. One group was called “Silent Impressions productions”. We performed in choreography and ASL to broadway show tunes and in costumes! We put in shows at ASU and it was so much fun! The other group to which I belonged, was called “Silent Praise”. We performed Christian songs while others did lyrical dances. We did that at the ASU Neumann center. It was such a fun time in my life. My friends and I also interpreted for our church community at St. Theresa’s Catholic Church in Scottsdale, AZ.

After reminiscing in this post, I feel so grateful that I had already been involved with the Deaf community & had many years of experience with ASL, before I became Hard of Hearing. As ironic as it seems, it’s not all that crazy. I had a mild hearing loss and then it worsened due to the TBI.

I mostly seem to write about chronic pain illnesses. I’ve been writing about the rights of chronic pain patients to have access to much needed opioid pain medications. We need these medications because without them, people like me wouldn’t even be able to do the small amount of activities that we try to do. I was forcibly tapered from my long acting pain meds after doing pretty well on them for almost 14 years! Now I sit in my recliner for approximately16 hours daily. I try to get up, put I make up and do some online activities every few days. But my life is not the same with so much less help for the pain.

Although I still want to continue advocating in that area, I’m doing more & more advocating for Deaf awareness, inclusion and preservation of ASL. I thought I’d put my hearing loss story and ASL history here in my blog too. I’ve written a few posts about Deafness and trying to live in “two worlds”. But I’ve never explained the details of how I became who I am today. I’m a survivor of long time childhood abuse, domestic violence and then a catastrophic car accident. I’m not a “victim” but I am a “fighter and a survivor”! Don’t ever give up!!

I have a Facebook page at: Link to my ASLSUZYQ Facebook page

I have a Facebook group called “ASLExpress” at:Link to join Facebook group ASL Express

Lastly, I have an ASL group for allowing people to post ASL covers in a safe place, called “ASL Song” at: Link to ASL Song Facebook group

“Silent Impressions Productions” & I’m 2nd left
Me Interpreting at church before MVA
Me Interpreting a Song in “Silent Praise@ group

Me working at Deaf preschool
I was in newspaper when I taught elementary kids

My hearing aids

June Is PTSD Awareness Month


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With all of the different awareness ribbons and events, fundraisers and 5k walks for different illnesses out there; not many want to talk about PTSD. During the month of June each year, time is set aside to remember the illness called “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”.  It seems to be an awareness month that we don’t talk much about but it is a very real illness.  PTSD is a disorder which can occur when there is a failure to recover after experiencing or witnessing a shocking, scary, dangerous and/or terryifying event or events. According to the Mayo Clinic, there are more that 3 million cases each year in the United States.

This illness can last months or years, with certain words, ideas and even smells that trigger the memories of the trauma. Along with the memories that return, there are intense emotional and physical feelings and reactions in the body.  Some of the symptoms of PTSD might include things like depressed mood, anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks, heightened “fight or flight” response and avoidance of situations that bring back the trauma.  There is treatment for this illness which may include Psychotherapy, behavioral therapy and medication.

There is a natural “fight or flight” response in our bodies that is supposed to warn us when there is danger near or that something terrifying might happen.  It is normal to feel afraid during and after a traumatic event or situation occurs. This fear is something that brings about a chemical change in the body to protect us from whatever may be happening that is fearful.  It is the body’s way to help defend against or avoid danger or dangerous situations.  Most people recover quickly and naturally from the initial symptoms of a fearful experience.  There are those who continue to experience problems and feel stressed or frightened even when they aren’t in danger any longer.  These people are sometimes diagnosed with PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Not everyone who experiences PTSD had been through something very dangerous, but instead may have experienced the loss of someone very close to them. The symptoms usually begin within 3 months of the traumatic event, but often can occur immediately.  These symptoms must last more than  one month  and be severe enough to interfere with working and personal relationships, to be considered true PTSD.  Some people can and will recover within 6 months, some have chronic symptoms.  A Doctor who has experience with mental illness, such as a PHD Psychologist, Psychotherapist or Psychiatrist is needed to diagnose PTSD properly.

One of the most common things that people experience with having PTSD is called “flashbacks”.  This happens when you relive the traumatic experience inside of your mind or body over and over.  There are physical symptoms like a fast or racing heart beat, sweating, bad dreams and invasive fearful thoughts.  People with PTSD also try to avoid smells, places and situations that remind them of the experience(s). An example might be a bad car accident; afterwards a person with PTSD might not want to drive a car or even be a passenger.  When you have this illness you are or can be easily startled, you may feel “on edge” and have insomnia or have trouble sleeping. When someone experiences these unpleasant feelings after a traumatic event for just a short time afterwards, it is called ASD, or Acute Stress Disorder.  When they last longer and affect a persons ability to function, it is then called PTSD.

If you would like to participate in the June PTSD awareness month events on Social media, you can visit http://www.ptsd.va.gov/about/ptsd-awareness/promo material awareness.asp.  You can also follow the National Center for PTSD on Facebook and Twitter.  Those links can be found at the bottom of the website at http://www.ptsd.va.gov.  No matter how much you think you know about PTSD, there is always more to learn and ongoing research, new treatments etc.  Please take action, help those who suffer and live with this illness by visiting:  www.ptsd.va.gov/public/wher0to-get-help.asp.  Spread awareness as often as you can, but especially during the month of June each year.  This is the month which is set aside for people to share information and make people more aware of this debilitating condition that I, and many others live with. Take the mystery out of this condition, learn about it, find out who is affected an how you can help.

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The Castle outside My Window….


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Here’s a story;
There’s a castle out there!….I can see it from the window of my small home that is bare and has what I need but not a lot a lot of other “stuff”. My home is full of love & trust…now….! That castle I see…the one U can see from my window….has people in it….people from my past! They are all having fun, laughing, dancing & thinking that they “have” each other….It looks great from the outside….and the unknowing ones want to travel to the castle to see the inside and have “fun” with all the people in there that seem to be vest friends and getting along….. But I KNOW…I KNOW….what is inside that castle, and I know what goes on in there! Once you are caught in their web, you want more for awhile ..until you are so low, so hurt, so abused and put down; that you either figure it out …or…you don’t!…..That depends on your true heart and soul….It’s not what you say to Jesus on or in the places where people can see it…. It is what you say when you are alone with him…. In your soul and in your heart… Where no one else knows or see’s… That is the truth of the love I have for him. It is inside…. Not posted or boasted all over for me to be judgmental and/or self righteous….to make others who believe something else feel small or “less than”….

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Protected: Parental Alienation In Divorce…..*(Email for PW: jewelrymkr@aol.com)


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Walking Wounded, the song


Walking Wounded, the song.

 

I just wanted to say “thank you” for the writer of this song and her blog “Secret Angel”…thank you for allowing me to post this on my blog to help others. I am a sign language interpreter, but am disabled now. I became hearing impaired myself through “too many hits to my head, concussions and then a man ran a red light and I was unconscious and that was the last straw “…my brain suffered a TBI and I was in TBI rehab for 3 1/2 years. So I forget things, I get overly emotional and I sometimes have a hard time organizing thoughts and finding things…But I still love ASL (American Sign Language) as you can tell by my few performed songs in my own blog here. I did “Katy Perry’s – “ROAR”  and then I recently did A Great Big World w/Christina Aguillera song called “Say Something”…I would love to perform your song…

Heartbroken


.** I’ve only ever tried to do the best of my ability to be the best mother I possibly could be. I don’t know how one person can go through so much loss, hurt, physical and emotional pain?  My Dr’s cannot believe that I’m NOT crazy or dead….it’s because I am strong….I pray for “HOPE” to come back…..soon…I’ve lost so much and in this life I continue to lose more and more each day, it seems.  I  suffer from “C- PTSD” & “Battered Women’s Syndrome”, which can only evolve because of what I’ve endured!  Next in 2002, I was in a  MVA in which I suffered many injuries including :  an MTBI and had 3 yrs of TBI rehab, 12 surgeries, much chronic pain, a pacemaker, A-fib, heart attack (after a tremendous loss in 2005 *(that continues to this day), the Dr’s say it was a true heart attack, but from “broken heart syndrome”), then a CVA in 2006 and then I acquired RSD/CRPS in 2007, after a foot surgery. Later in 2010, it became “full body/systemic RSD/CRPSII” and I have degenerative disc disease, Polyneuropathy, Radiculopathy, Long thoracic nerve damage…just too much to describe….the pain is still nothing compared to the pain in my heart …still. .I pray for the pain to stop and love, light, health and goodness to take over…