My Deaf Journey


I was mild HOH growing up. At first my teachers had me sit at front of the class.  When I entered upper elelmentary,  I was given a hearing test at school and ended up having to undergo 5 ear surgeries, starting at age 5. Like many parents, mine just wanted to “fix” me. Most of my hearing loss in the beginning, was from reoccurring ruptured eardrums, repeated head trauma and abuse.

As a preschool age little girl,  I remember being curled up in a ball, in a chair or in my bed, rocking and crying uncontrollably because the pressure in my ear was so painful. I had horrible ear infections, one after another constantly. My mother would look at me as a 4 year old child and tell me “don’t worry, once your eardrums rupture, you will feel better”. Of course, this is true; but why not get help for me right away?  Why not take me to get help before the ear infections get to the point of rupturing my eardrums? Once the school nurses detected a hearing problem in elementary school, then I was taken to an ear, nose and throat Doctor. I had numerous Myringotomies (ear tube surgeries) between the ages of 7 and 12 years old.

When I was 11 years old, I met a Deaf family. They taught me so much about Deaf language/culture/history & community.  They took me to their residential Deaf school, Deaf football games and to Deaf events. I learned my first ASL vocabulary from that Deaf family. I was at their home constantly because they let me babysit and I became immersed in Deaf community and culture.  I had to learn quickly because they were a full ASL family.  Later on, I became an ASL Interpreter after I graduated college. I was a hospital/medical and educational Interpreter. I also interpreted for my Alma Mater & did that for several years. I continued working as a University classroom Interpreter, part time, even after becoming a Mother.

In 2002, I was in a catastrophic car accident. I suffered multiple injuries/surgeries & a traumatic Traumatic Brain injury (TBI). My hearing & vision declined. I diagnosed with a Convergence insufficiency in my eyes, halo vision and Extreme Dry Eye syndrome (because my eyelids don’t close 100% due to the head trauma & stroke). I got special glasses with prisms in them. I also had to get a pacemaker because my brain would not tell my heart what to do. It was at that time that I got my 1st set of hearing aids.

As time went on, my hearing declined more .  In 2014-2016, I had repeated double ear  infections again.  I lost more hearing. Later in 2019 -May, I went in for new hearing aids and they found an auditory tumor called “Cholesteatoma” (Information regarding Cholesteatoma & information regarding Cholesteatoma ). It had “eaten away” at my 3 ear bones/ossicular chain and mastoid bone. My eardrum was torn badly. I lost most of the hearing in my right ear and there’s severe loss in the left. I was also diagnosed with Tympanosclerosis (Information regarding Tympanosclerosis) or hardening of the eardrum. *{There’s more information about this below}.

I’ve been communicating with ASL & have been a part of the Deaf community since 1973! During college, I used to go every Thursday evening to the D.A.D. (Detroit Association of Deaf) bowling events. I had a Deaf boyfriend for quite awhile during those years & hung out in the dorms with my 16 Best friends; who happened to also be the Deaf students. We had so much fun and got into a tiny bit of fun trouble! Lol…

Later, I joined 2 ASL drama groups; after moving in 1982 to Arizona. In one group, “Silent Impressions Productions”, we had costumes & choreography. Tickets were sold & people paid money to see our show “Nights on Broadway ASL”, at Arizona State University. I was also in a Christian ASL Drama group at the ASU Neumann Center. We did ASL Christian song covers & Interpretive dance. That group was called “Silent Praise”.

I had originally moved there in order to work with Deaf PRE-school children! We taught the children during the day & in evenings, weekly; we taught their parents/families ASL. I KISSFIST (love) that job! After a year & half, I missed my friends & my home & so I returned to Midwest!

After coming back home, I did a little modeling & went back to Interpreting at my Alma Mater. I married & had 2 baby daughters. Fast forward to 1991, & I had to take my baby daughters & myself to a domestic violence shelter because I had been abused again for the past 8 years. As long as I felt that my daughters were safe, I stayed in the home. Once I saw my ex husband, kick our dog in front of our daughter, I knew it was time to leave that marriage. No matter how scary it may be “out there in the world as a single Mom working full time”- it was more scary to stay & continue on that way.

After I served him with divorce papers, I was offered a job within 3 days, as a school district interpreter! It was my dream job! Then later, I got a job (to get better health insurance) at a University hospital. I was a secretarial & clerical “float”. I learned 500 people jobs and worked all over the hospital wherever needed. I also wore a pager and was called to interpret all over the hospital. I got to keep interpreting for the school district on 1/2 day Weds. & on Fridays.

In approximately 1994, I made a new friend. She is Deaf & she introduced me to her two daughters & to her friends, who are also a part of the Deaf community. My daughters became good friends with her kids! She and I are still good friends today in 2020.

I had started a “Sign language club” at my daughters’ elementary school. I did it for my friend , her daughters & my own kids too. I also interpreted for her daughters’ IEP’s.

In 1997- our Sign language club “Silent Impressions”(yes…named after my old choreography/ASL group in AZ), was invited to Madonna University (& other venues) to put on a little ASL performance. It was a great time in my life! I was given an award from the school district, called “Volunteers in public schools Award- (VIPS award)”. It was for my volunteer work. I had been the elementary schools’ jump rope team coach. But I also helped: in classrooms, during field trips, in the the library & initiated & ran the Sign Language club. I was honored, but my reward was not that; it was giving inclusiveness to my friend. It was also about educating our children & many others & giving them a good experience along the way, in their lives.

I Re-married & finally to my soul mate, in 1997. We have been happily married for 23 1/2 years. But in 2002, we were involved in a catastrophic car accident. A man drove through a red light. Luckily, my husband only got a few bruises. I was hurt badly & unconscious for 30 minutes. I suffered a TBI, 11 surgeries (along with multiple painful diagnostic tests) & many injuries. These included more hearing loss & vision lowered due to Convergence insufficiency & halo vision. I ended up with 9 years of PT/OT and 3 years of brain injury rehabilitation. I got my first pair of Analog hearing aids, from my ENT & audiologist. Lastly, I had a stroke, a heart attack and a pacemaker! I was diagnosed in 2007, with the most painful nerve autoimmune illness known to mankind, “RSD aka CRPS” (#47 out of 50 on the McGill pain scale). The RSD/CRPS led me to several other connected & painful health issues (EDS-4, Chiari, Gastroparesis, S.I.B.O., Dysautonomia/POTS, Atrial fibrillation & Sick Sinus Syndrome (a heart condition) . I had to go on disability & have been living with mobility aids, including leg braces (AFO’s), loft-strand crutches, a walker & wheelchair etc.

But nothing has been as scary to me as the diagnosis I received after my hearing started declining more and more from 2014 to 2019. I actually was Hard of Hearing and I did fine with ASL and hearing aids. Yes, I can speak but I prefer ASL. I was diagnosed with an auditory/brain tumor called “Cholesteatoma”. It destroyed my 3 hearing bones and my inner ear. I had to have a Tympanomastoidectomy with oscillar chain & Mastoid bone cut & cleaned-out. I did receive a prosthetic Anvil (Incus) earbone also. But I was also diagnosed with “Tympanosclerosis”(Information about Tympanosclerosis & Hearing loss). This means that my eardrums are hardening & will continue. With this diagnosis, added scar tissue & the tumor (which has a 50% chance to return); my hearing will continue to decline. For now, my right ear has severe mixed hearing loss and Left is high moderate/severe sensory neural hearing loss. I also have pulsating Tinnitus. I received new Signia hearing aids in May 2019 and they are a tool. But since the auditory tumor surgery 7-26-19, I identify as Deaf instead of HoH. I belong to Michigan Association of the Deaf & a few online Deaf groups.

I have my own Facebook group called “ASLExpress” & a Facebook page called “ASL SuzyQ”, where I advocate and share Deaf history, culture and ASL. I also have My YouTube Channel @ASLSuzyQ and My Instagram @ASLSuzyQwhere I share Deaf memes, ASL songs & other fun stuff, including Deaf experiences & stories. *Then there is my TikTok page where it is just all in good fun! My TikTok Channel/Page

Link to “This Is Me” in ASL by Keala Settles (from Greatest Showman)

This was me a year or more after the
catastrophic car accident in 2002

This is me, post-op, after my auditory
surgery 2019-July
This T-shirt was a gift from the parents of kids
This is me at my “Silent Praise” group

A newspaper article honoring me for the
VIPS Award

My class with me at Deaf pre-school

We Are Broken But Strong!


This is for my fellow chronic pain warriors (& me)…fighting the ignorance of those who hold the power to help Cpp’s but they’re pushing massage & other complimentary therapies instead! Opioids clearly help some of the pain community. Let our Drs choose what works best for each individual.

We are in pain & we may be “broken”-but we are worthy, we are strong & we are beautiful! Don’t ever give up! No matter how many people try to put you down or try to “break” you even more!!

Link to my YOUTUBE channel at ASLSuzyQ

Please feel free to follow me on YouTube @ASLSuzyQ for ASL(American Sign Language) song covers & to learn about Deaf History & Deaf culture.

HERE ARE SOME LINKS TO MORE OF MY ASL SONG COVERS ABOUT OUR JOURNEYS WITH ALL DIFFERENT KINDS OF PAIN-BUT BEING STRONG THROUGH IT ALL!

1) “This is Me” (from Greatest Showman)

“This is Me” by Keala Settles

2) “Speechless” (from Aladdin)
Speechless from Aladdin

3) “Keep Holding On” by Avril Lavigne

Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne

4) “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten
“Fight Song” by Rachel Platten

5). “We All Bleed The Same” by Mandisa
We All Bleed The Same by Mandisa

6) “Into the Unknown” from Frozen 2 by Idina Mendel/Aurora
Into the Unknown by Idina Mendel & Aurora from Frozen2

7). “I Dare You” by Kelly Clarkson

“I Dare You”by Kelly Clarkson

8). “Piece By Piece” by Kelly Clarkson

“Piece by Piece” by Kelly Clarkson

9). “Stand Up” by Cynthia Erivo

“Stand Up” by Cynthia Erivo

10). “Broken & Beautiful”

“Broken & Beautiful” by Kelly Clarkson

There are many more ASL cover songs for when you need to feel strong! Don’t ever give up!

*Please feel free to read a small part of my story in the paragraphs beneath each video

Cholesteatoma, Deafness And ASL


Have you always wanted to learn American Sign Language, but didn’t know where to start?

Well, the best place to learn all of the rules, parameters and the full language, is from a certified, Deaf ASL professor. You should do that if you are able to at all. You should also try to find a Deaf community to hang out with and go to Deaf events. Most of the communities are so amazing and we welcome all levels of ASL. We are excited for you to learn and happy to help. If you want to do that, but you don’t have the money or the venue to take those special classes; the next best place to start, is by heading over to YouTube.

There are several great places online where you can get started learning for no cost. The best and first, is Free ASL classes at Gallaudet . Next, I would say Lifeprint.com & Hantdspeak.com is another, but first I wanted to let you know that I do have some “ASL Basics- Vocabulary” lessons at my YouTube channel :

My YouTube Channel @ASLSuzyQ

The important thing is that you don’t just learn vocabulary, although that’s a great place to start. You need to learn about the language, culture, community and its history! I do have several videos that are a little bit about each of these things. I have one video about “How to get a Sign Name”. There are other videos that include “Deaf President Now” movement in the 1980’s. Also the Sign Language community that was living in Martha’s Vinyard, Massachusetts; in the early 18th century until 1952.

I’ve been using ASL since I was 11 years old. I was babysitting and hung out with a Deaf family of 6. I grew up mildly Hard of Hearing due to recurrent ear infections and numerous ruptured ear drums with scarring. I always had to sit in the front of the class because I couldn’t hear well. Later, when my elementary school performed hearing tests, they informed my parents that I needed tubes in my ears because I wasn’t hearing well. I had multiple operations from ages 7 through 12 or 13 years. However, I did not get hearing aids until much later.

I went to Deaf school events, such football games at MSD (Michigan school for Deaf). I fit right in and felt comfortable. I later went to college and a group of 16 Deaf students in the dorms, were my best friends. We watched “General Hospital” with closed captioned. We went dancing and had some great times together!

Later on, I took a break for a year and a half & went to work at a school in Arizona with Deaf preschoolers. I loved that job. I was ecstatic to find out that I’d beaten out several other candidates for that position because of my skills. I also worked at a Deaf relay center called ADARA or “Arizona Deaf Assistance Referral Association” while I was living in Scottsdale.

After working there for about a year and a half, I went back home to finish my degree in Sign language studies & Interpreting. I then got hired as an educational interpreter for a school district and stayed on Interpreting for my Alma Mater. I got married, had two daughters and 8 years later I became a single mom.

I needed to take care of my girls and I immediately got a full time job with full benefits at the University hospital. I was a “Secretarial float” & wore a pager so that I could be notified when Deaf clients/patients needed me to Interpret for them. I loved my job. At that same time, I was an Interpreter at a school district nearby. I also volunteered as a pro tactile interpreter for Deaf/Blind medical screening events a few times each year.

I continued attending workshops at my Alma Mater and one in particular stands out in my memory. I met an amazingly intelligent and kind man who impacted the rest of my life, in a good way! His name is Art Roehrig and he was a Deaf/Blind guest speaker at one of my most memorable workshops. He told stories about how he’d grown up at a residential Deaf school and discovered that he had Ushers Syndrome, when he was a teen. He shared jokes and told us all about how he was living independently. He was a public speaking and later worked at and then retired from Gallaudet University. I still email with my long time friend, Art.

Back in 2002, I was involved in an Catastrophic car accident. A man ran through a red light and I suffered multiple injuries, surgeries and a Traumatic brain injury. I went through 11 surgeries up until now, and 3 years of TBI (brain injury) rehabilitation. I am left with many medical issues, including several high pain chronic illnesses, chronic pain, a stroke, heart attack and I received a permanent dual chamber pacemaker. Since the car accident, I’ve had vision issues, such as “halo vision” and a Convergence Insufficiency. Also, due to the TBI, my hearing declined even more. Prisms were placed in my eyeglasses for quite awhile and I was fitted with two hearing aids for mild.

My hearing declined over the years and the past 4-5 years it was rapidly declining more. I was waiting until my husband retired this past year, to be fitted with new hearing aids. They’re so expensive ($6,000.00), so I had to wait until we got new insurance, that would help with the cost.

When I went for the hearing test, they were concerned because my bilateral hearing loss had very much worsened. The right side was also now a mixed hearing loss and not only sensory-neural. The ENT ordered a CT scan & later in May 2019, I was diagnosed with an auditory tumor, called a Cholesteatoma. I had a very scary & difficult brain/inner ear surgery on July 26, 2019. I got two new & improved digital hearing aids. But they’ve been nothing but trouble with one thing or another since I got them! We had to pay $1,500.00 of the cost plus $150.00 for the ear molds (which now both have split on me and I’ve only had them for a few months). I’m ready to give up on them.

My hearing bones, eardrum & Mastoid were all diseased from the tumor. I received a Tympanoplasty, a Mastoidectomy (called a Tympanomastoidectomy) & a titanium Anvil, a prosthetic ear-bone. I’ve had Vertigo, a tingling, droopy top, right lip & my tongue has no sensation or taste on the right side, since that surgery this Summer. Oh… and I’m Deaf in my right ear and Moderate/severe HoH in my left ear. The deafness isn’t my problem. The fact that I have to live a lifelong battle with a reoccurring tumor, (that’s like a cancer in the way that it grows into the brain & can kill you. Also in the way it can repeatedly grow back); that is my problem! I have to go back in Spring 2020, for another of the same surgery, possibly. The micro Neuro-Otologist surgeon, told me “to be prepared”. This thing is the “Never ending story”. An endless battle that results in multiple painful & scary surgeries and deafness. But as I said, deafness is not the problem. I’ve been part of the Deaf community since age 11. It’s the lifelong battle with more pain & surgeries on top of the current pain…..that is the major issue for me.

If you’d like to follow me in social media, I will leave the links for you, below:

1) http://www.instagram.com/ASLSuzyQ

2) http://www.facebook.com/ASLSuzyQ

3) http://www.twitter.com//ASLSuzyQ

4) http://www.youtube.com/ASLSuzyQ

5) http://www.tiktok.com/asl_suzyq

6) http://www.facebook.com/groups/ASLExpress (*This one is an ASL info, & help group)

My new Hearing aids:

Regarding Buprenorphrine-Suboxone


Hello my friends! For this blog post you should probably grab yourself a cup of coffee and sit down to read this short story! I’m sorry that this article is more like a “short story” than a blog post! It’s twice as long as any of my normal posts would be. But this just meshed and I wanted this information available to you.

In my opinion, I would prefer no treatment than be forced to take some of these harmful/ horrific medications. By the way, I researched them and they are still not FDA approved for chronic pain patients.  In September 2018, a form of Bupenorphrine, a sublingual film, was FDA approved “for opioid use disorder. ” It was also approved for the maintenance of “opioid dependence”. But if your physician prescribes it for your chronic pain, “off label”; and you are not a patient with “Opioid use disorder” or an “Opioid abuser” then  you may possibly get a very low analgesic effect. Might as well take that Tylenol they’ve been pushing at us? It will help just about as much.  Well, you all know what I mean, right?

Here’s another thought:  Opioids, (*which are being demonized by our government now) can have a few side effects but normally they go away within a week or so after taking them. The side effects can be:

  1. Constipation
  2. Shallow breathing (but that is only if you take more than what is needed for your height/weight and medical conditions)
  3. Once in awhile you can get nausea and/or vomiting (but the nausea lasts a couple of days at the most.  I’ve not experienced vomiting from Opioids.

Here are the list of side effects for the FDA approved Bupenorphrine and Naloxone sublingual film (called Cassipa): Proof of these Side effects of this medication online

  1. oral hypoeshesia (numbness),
  2. glossodynia (burning mouth)
  3. oral mucosal erythema (inflammation of the oral mucous membrane *sores in your mouth*
  4. headache,
  5. nausea
  6. vomiting,
  7. hyperhidrosis (excessisve sweating)
  8. constipation,
  9. **SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF WITHDRAWAL**
  10. Insomnia
  11. **PAIN**
  12. Peripheral edema (accumualtion of fluid causing swelling in the lower limbs

**THESE PRODUCTS MAY ONLY BE PRESCRIBED BY DRUG ADDICION TREATMENT ACT (DATA)-CERTIFIED PRESCRIBERS. With this list of side effects and all of the warnings, how or why is is supposed to be OK to use, but other

***BELBUCA:  is another type of “opioid”, similar to the above, but without the Naloxone. It is also a partial antagonist. (**It is very different from the kind Opioids that most pain patients are familiar with. The opioids that we know are able to help alleviate high amounts of daily, round the clock, high impact chronic pain).

I visited the Belbuca online and their website has a bunch of videos showing people with chronic pain and how this medcation has supposedly helped them (they are paid actors most likely).  The list of effects appear to be much longer and worse, in my opinion. The list of bad effects on the majority of opioids that many chronic pain patients have safely taken for years; or even decades, appears to be much less toxic and life altering or even, threatening.  On that same page, they say that “Methadone maintenance is  helpful for people who don’t do well with buprenorphrine. But people (mainly addicts) have to visit a clinic daily to recive that treatment.”  Our favorite guy (*cough cough), Kolodny, says now that “Suboxone is a viable treatment akin to buprenorphrine.” *Also, did you know that once you take Bupenorphrine or Suboxone, you will be labeled an “addict” & no longer a chronic pain patient/warrior! See: Opioid Addiction Treatments). Kolodny ‘s trying to not only rid the USA, but the world possibly, of opioids and replace them with much more harsh opioids! Suboxone which he calls “akin to buprenophrine” has been proven to have none or a very low analgesic effect. If taken, this so called medicine, LABELS you for life as an “ADDICT”. Yes, you are labeled for life as an addict if you accept Kolodny’s “get rich scheme” & take these harsh addiction medications! They are very different from normal pain medications that most people with long term chronic pain illnesses have been doing well on, for decades! Suboxone & Bupenorphrine also have a long list of worse than horrible side effects. Why & how are these OK to give to sick people living with horrific amounts of daily pain? People who are seeking any kind of reprieve, relief from their painful existence in hell.

Please be aware of this crooked switch to these harsh addiction medications. Please understand that the cowardly physicians, who prescribe these meds, do not have the patients best interest at heart. Instead they’re lining Kolodny’s and others wallets and bank accounts.

All the while we are suffering and being lumped together with addicts (yes, they need help too. But that is their story to tell). I have testimonials a mile long from several persons who had been prescribed these harsh addiction medications & who’ve taken one form or another of Bupenorphrine or Suboxone. They said “it was the worst medication they’d ever taken and it has horrific side effects that are unrelenting & never ending. IF you dare try to go off of it, or taper down (*as you can do with the regular kinds of opioids that most patients are familiar with), those medications tend to pull you in even deeper. They’re designed to keep you addicted . They work against your body and majorly increases your pain so that you won’t stop taking it. You cannot ever go off of it “cold turkey”. If you try, then you may experience withdrawals that I’ve been told are hellish. Worse than anything I’ve ever heard about regarding opioid withdrawals.

In a future blog post, I will try to add more & organize them. I’ll let you read what others have sent to me. I have permission from several persons because they want you to know what they have had to endure; in order to save you from going through the same hellish experiences.

DISCLAIMER: *I AM STATING THAT THIS MEDICATION IS NOT GOOD FOR HELPING THE CHRONIC PAIN PATIENTS! BUT IT MAY BE A “WEAK ANALGESIC” THAT COULD HELP AN ADDICT, A DRUG ADDICT, WHO LIVES ALSO WITH CHRONIC PAIN! That’s what it’s good for!!

Indivior Inc. Indicted for Fraudulently Marketing Prescription Opioid | USAO-WDVA | Department of Justice


Hello Friends!

I found this article not too long ago. I thought you might want to read it if you are a high impact chronic psin patient or anyone living with psin on a daily basis.

Indivior Inc. Indicted for Fraudulently Marketing Prescription Opioid | USAO-WDVA | Department of Justice
— Read on www.justice.gov/usao-wdva/pr/indivior-inc-indicted-fraudulently-marketing-prescription-opioid

New Card Helps Deaf Communicate With Police


Hello

So I found this interesting article and I thought some of my fellow Deaf/Hoh persons might want to read about it. The link is below and it’s about a card for Deaf/Hoh individuals to have & use when trying to communicate with the authorities. This article is from Minnesota. I hope you enjoy reading it!

www.google.com/amp/s/patch.com/minnesota/northfield/amp/27492735/new-card-helps-deaf-drivers-communicate-minn-police

The Lion King -ASL


Hello Luvs!

I thought you might enjoy a bit of something light, to cheer you. If you’re like me, the “Lion King” was my favorite of all Disney movies. I have here, “The Circle of Life” in American Sign Language-(ASL), from that Movie! I also have below, “Can You Feel The Love Tonight”? In ASL….I hope you enjoy! *Please “Like”& “Subscribe” on my YouTube videos & “click the little bell 🛎. This way you’ll be notified when I post a new ASL cover song video, to my YouTube channel. I’m trying hard to grow my audience. Thank you so much!! Here’s the direct link to watch ” The Circle of Life” In American Sign Language: “Circle of Life” ASL

Just for your information, at the beginning, of “Circle of Life”, I Sign “look over there! Look over there”… then I name several wild animals, such as: Lion, tigers, giraffe, elephant, antelope, hyena etc. Then I show them all coming forward as they did for Simba when they presented him at Pride Rock. Then I sign “we all must protest against the Lion named Scar. We will win & there will be peace again!!” (This is what I’m signing in parts where there is just music). Then I’m signing the song itself, to the best of my abilities.

Secondly, I have also done the song “Can You Feel The Love Tonight?” In ASL. Here’s the direct link to that song done in American Sign Language: “Can you Feel The Love Tonight?” ASL

I hope you enjoy these because they gave me pleasure to make it! Thank you so much for following “Tears of Truth”. Thank you also for Subscribing to my YouTube channel!

Silent World


September marks the beginning of Deaf Awareness Month 2019. In light of this, I will be bringing you a few blog posts during this month, about the subjects of deafness, Deaf vs. deaf, ASL, Deaf history & Deaf culture, etc.

Today, I want to take a moment to truly introduce another part of my “story” to all of you. Most of you know much about me already. You also know a lot about my pain journey already, if you’ve been following this blog at all. But you may not know much information about some other aspects of my journey. You might have seen my songs done in ASL (American Sign Language) at my YouTube channel: ASLSuzyQ .

I’ve been married for 23.5 years to my soul-mate & the Love of my life, Craig. He’s been an Elementary school teacher for 40 years now & is retired as of June 2018. We have 2 daughters who are married and 3 granddaughters & 1 grandson: Olivia-6yrs, McKenzie-5yrs. & Kiera-3 yrs & Bryce-9 months. I am high Moderate Hard of Hearing (on left) & (mostly) Deaf (on right). I had been mild HoH (Hard of Hearing) since childhood but didn’t get my 1st hearing aids until 2002. But in May 2019, I was diagnosed with an auditory tumor, called “Cholesteatoma”. Which turned out to actually be a rare disease because it often times comes back (50%/50% chance). It has caused pretty much total silence in my right ear. The Cholesteatoma (More information about Cholesteatoma ) had diseased my eardrum, hearing bones & mastoid by the time it was discovered & removed surgically on 7-26-19.

In short, I will tell you that I started out in life, totally hearing. By age 11, I had so much scar tissue in my ears L>R, from multiple ruptured eardrums, that I had a mild hearing loss. I babysat for a Deaf family with 6 Deaf children. My friend, Judy W. & I babysat as a team. I was fascinated to be able to talk without speaking. I was excited about learning ASL. These kids went to a residential school & they taught me colors, numbers, finger-spelling and everyday conversational signs. We played games like “Monopoly” and we played “school” & “house” etc.

I received ASL books for each holiday and I learned all that I could on my own. I went to college, then it was the only 4-year Sign Language studies/Interpreting program. After my 3rd year, my Aunt (who lived in AZ) called to tell me that she saw a job opening for an “Assistant Teacher” at a Deaf preschool. The requirements stated that a “college degree was required”. But I’d tested out of my first two college ASL classes & I practically lived in the dorm with 16 Deaf friends. We did everything together and I was just accepted lovingly by them. I’d been already Interpreting for the college classes at my own College, & I was doing Deaf/Blind medical Interpreting. So I flew 2,000 miles and applied for the job. I was so very excited to get the job, over others who had their degrees already. I worked at the Deaf school and I found a wonderful church youth group where I was involved in Interpreting for weekly church services. I also got involved in a an ASL drama (with choreography) group, called “Silent Impressions Productions”. We put on beautiful productions of ASL /choreographed songs & dances with gorgeous costumes. People paid $10 each, to come to our production at ASU. I was in “Nights on Broadway”, “One”(from Chorus Line) & “Hello Dolly”! It was such great fun! I was also in an ASL & Interpretive dance Christian group, called “Silent Praise”!

I had the best 2 years of my younger life ! It was such fun! I did miss home & my friends. I also needed & wanted to go back & finish my degree!

I came back home & finished college. Afterwards I was so excited to land a job as a school district Interpreter by day and as a University, “night classes” Interpreter, at my Alma Mater. I later married and had two children. At that time, with 2 small young children, I just Interpreted the night classes for several years. I continued with the medical Interpreting for Deaf/Blind.

I was in An abusive marriage and after 8 years, I got the courage to get my 2 baby girls & myself out! We went to a domestic violence shelter. I was so proud that My babies & I left on a Saturday early evening; & by Monday afternoon I had a full time job as a professional Interpreter for a school district. I Interpreted for the High school, Middle school & Elementary school.

So to speed things up a bit…. I divorced & re-married 7 or 8 years later. In the meantime I was offered a job with much more money & great medical benefits. I would be a Secretarial “float” (meaning that I had to learn everyone’s jobs so that I could cover for them). I had to learn 500 Drs schedules. I was also assigned to be the research secretary for a well known lung transplant doctor. I wore a pager and was paged multiple times weekly; if not daily, to interpret for Deaf patients who came into the hospital for either an appointment or to the ER.

One night that I particularly remember, I got called from home after I’d already gone home; to interpret for a Deaf patient. He was in the emergency room having a heart attack. I had to be precise in telling the doctors exactly how the patient was feeling. It was then, that I realized Just how very important an Interpreters job really is.

All was going well until the end of Summer in 2002. I was with my husband at a Summer art fair on a lazy Weekend day. During the drive home, we were going through a green light when another person, a man, went through a red light and crashed into our minivan. We were “T-boned”! It was classified as a “catastrophic” accident. My kids were not in the car! I thank God for that always! My husband was not hurt, but he was bruised up a bit.

Unfortunately, I was unconscious and ended up having multiple injuries and many surgeries. All in all, I also acquired several high impact chronic pain illnesses. Some of these include: Systemic RSD/CRPS, Polyneuropathy in Collagen Vascular Disease (aka EDS Type 4/heart & vascular), Degenerative Disc, Disease with multiple herniated & bulging discs at C5,6,7 & L4,5 & S-1 (along with spinal stenosis), Chronic Kidney Disease stage 2, Dysautonomia/POTs, a Pacemaker/AFib/Long QT syndrome, RA, Gastroparesis & more, including Cholesteatoma now as well. There’s more but I won’t bore you with all of that! I will add that I suffered a TBI that gave me lowered vision (prisms & convergence insufficiency) & hearing loss (I acquired 2 hearing aids in 2002-3 after the MVA). The TBI was such that I required brain injury rehab for 3 years.

After the Cholesteatoma & Surgery, I now identify as “Deaf/HoH”. The reason for this change (from HoH), is because now I can hear pretty much nothing in my right ear. The left ear is hugh moderate/severe hearing loss. I’ve received two new Signia hearing aids & I’ll be re-tested again each year.

I’ve stayed a strong advocate for Deaf/HoH. I fight oppression, audism & ableism alongside the Deaf community. Please feel free to follow me on Instagram ASLSuzyQ Instagram , Twitter ASLSuzyQ Twitter, Facebook My ASLSuzyQ Facebook Artist/video creator page and my Facebook group ASL Express Facebook group and YouTube My ASLSuzyQ YouTube channel . My ASL group on Facebook is called “ASL Express”. We express ourselves using ASL & with this group, I try to bridge the gap between Hearing, Deaf & Hard of Hearing worlds. I try to expose beginners to Deaf history, Deaf culture & Deaf community. For the more advanced and/or native and/or ASL fluent; we have a comfortable place to share & hang out online!

September is Deaf Awareness Month (short 2 1/2 min video)

The True Motivation Behind the Opioid Crisis-Profit off PDMPs and Profiling, Private Data Theft


Hello Luvs!

I just wanted to bring your attention to this insightful article. If one stops to persue the state laws on the books regarding PDMPs (prescription drug monitoring programs), there is an abundance of fascinating language buried in our very own state statutes. These…
— Read on medium.com/@heatherzamm/the-true-motivation-behind-the-opioid-crisis-profit-off-pdmps-and-profiling-private-data-theft-4b0ffb10e9d3

All For One, None For All


Gosh, to think of all the positive blog stories that I’ve posted. That’s how I met most of you. Through my perseverance and positivity. But lately, I’ve had lots of “downers” & I apologize. I do apologize …but not before another “not so upbeat” post. So remember how I was trying to be there for my dad? He recently was inpatient at hospital & he had to have the “Rapid response” revive him twice at age 88. I went even though I was told by him & my brothers, not to come. Well then, I was given times that I was supposed to go because that would help everyone else. Because I’m a high impact pain patient, I’m up at night. That doesn’t mean I’m out at night doing stuff. That means, I’m at home in my PJ’s unable to sleep due to pain issues. But the entire 12 days before my major surgery, I spent with my dad and going when I was told to go and even when I wasn’t.

When he got put on dialysis, Craig & I showed up. I was told by my brother that it would be “all day or at minimum 4 hours so we couldn’t see him” (& supposedly they couldn’t see him either). So I called their bluff & said “well we will just wait. We can wait 4 hours here with you!” Ahhh but then he says 5 minutes later “we can go in after the dialysis nurse gets things started actually in about 1/2 hour”. Hmmmmmm??? A far cry from 4 hours or more. We stayed & said nothing. I even went to see my dad the night prior to the day before my surgery.

I was texted the day before my major surgery, by my brother who asked if I was coming up in the evening (to relieve him, I’m sure bcz he was leaving)… or “when was I coming?” That day I said I couldn’t come because I had to do some stuff for myself before the surgery. I’ve not heard from anyone since then.

I’ve texted my dad daily. But not once has it been about me. Never has been…never will be. But my brother called Craig once & said he was on his way to see my dad… told Craig about my dad & asked about my surgery for a moment in the end.

(Side story:**My dad told me that my middle brother (who I don’t see, for many good reasons & haven’t for almost 17 years)told him that he “doesn’t & hasn’t prayed for me for all of these years but he will pray for my surgery “for my dads sake”… WTH?? He pretends to be a priest! He buys all of the stuff online & even bought a certificate that says he’s a “bishop”… he has a fake chapel that when you go to Google Earth, it sends you to his house!! If you go to his website you see that people send him money as “donating to his church”! There aren’t even any real services held. One lady online wrote on his website, “me thinks he’s a fake”! Well me thinks so too! I stay far away from him and I have always and since I took several PPO’s out against him. (The Domestic Violence Shelter helped me!)

My dad is at cardiac rehab now & he’s actually getting better. But it really hurts that my family has not cared about me & they continue to say “we’re always here for you!” My dad continues this fairy tale “that if ever I needed any of them, they’d be there for me “even with our differences”!

Well, I’ll tell you…. they’ve not been there & haven’t been since I was a child. Once when I called my big brother, after I was in a catastrophic car accident. I suffered a TBI & his phone number was the only one in my head. I even hit myself in the face by accident with the telephone, in trying to call him because I felt in pain & afraid. He answered the phone with “Oh…you need someone ?…”. CLICK & the phone went dead! He hung up on me! I suffered 3 years of brain injury rehab. I’ve gone through 10 surgeries now! They tried to turn my daughters against me when they were teenagers also! They were not ever, nor have they been there for me at all! They’ve only tried to hurt me more & “kick me when I was down”. Luckily, the love, protection and bond that my daughters, my husband and I had/have, pulled us through! We are as close or closer than ever! They are older now, with families of their own. They look back & now understand & see what truly happened. Having children of their own, they can’t fathom what happened to me! They don’t really see or talk to any of my biological family. But when my dad was dying, I got them to come & to make a FaceTime call.

Now that my Dads in cardiac rehab, he /they are back to their same horrible treatment of me. They’d still throw me face down in a mud puddle, in the middle of a busy street during rush hour; if it would give them my daughters and grandchildren.

Another thing that I can’t fathom is the way my dad & brothers have treated my dads girlfriend/live in partner of 12 years. She treated me absolutely abhorrently when I introduced myself to her the first time, years ago. Again, another “victim” who only knew one side of their story.

But guess who was nice to her? Guess who was concerned about her feelings when my dad & brothers refused her entrance to see my dad while he was inpatient & dying. She texted me until the wee hours of the mornings. I was kind to her & told her she should go visit him anyways. She is my dads “creature” too, unfortunately. She stayed away & barely got any information from my brother. She asked me to help her to get a pill reminder because my dad did all of that for her. He infantilized her as he’s tried to do to me. I cared about her & promised her that no matter what happened; Craig & I would visit her & try to be there for her as much as possible. Guess who I never heard from before or after my recent major surgery?? I’ve not heard from any of them! I’ve sent texts for 3 days in a row & never have received a response from my dad. Yet my daughter texted him while she was visiting us with our granddaughters yesterday. He texted her back right away & asked if he could call her? She said she was at my house & he could call anytime.

I had to fight in order to be included as one of my fathers 3 adult children. They said I was “too frail & too weak to come visit because I might cry & hence, make my dad cry”! Oh My Gosh! I’m stronger than any of them put together! I’ve been through a hundred times more pain and abuse than any of them! I told them they were not going to shut me out again, like they did when my mom died. I am strong! I told my dad that he has 3 children, not 2! My oldest brother pretty much gave up a life of his own in order to be “the honored one”. He does everything for my dad and we’ve been shut out for years.

Only when my dad thought he was dying did he say nice things to me. He told me (after I put my foot down & insisted that I was visiting him in the hospital) that “it was a treasure to have me there every day”! He said I was a “dear, dear, sweet person & he loved me”! I cried & couldn’t believe those words were said to me.

I’m 10 days post-op and I’ve barely been out of our home. I cannot visit him right now. But as I’ve said, I texted 3 days in a row with zero response. The 1st day I did get a quick response when I tried to tell my dad (who was discharged & on his way to cardiac rehab) that my surgery was over & it hurts quite a lot. I sent a couple of pictures. But the response I got was unfathomable. He told me “it looked like a nice, neat job” (*pictures above & below)! Even though I actually looked like I’d gotten beat up or walked through a war zone! He then told me about his bathroom issue of the day.

None of them called or have cared about me at all! My older brother called Craig once after surgery & that was because my dad wanted to know if I made it or not, I guess? Then he told Craig about my dad (as I was being put into the recovery room).

I’ve had 2 pacemakers placed and 8 other surgeries in the past 17 years. I live with systemic RSD/CRPS. They don’t even know what that is & never have cared to ask or see any of my special needs. But my dad got a pacemaker 6-7 months ago at age 88. They made such a huge deal about it! I tried to explain that I’m on my 2nd one and got my 1st at age 40! I told them that “it’s not so bad”! They were indignant & furious that I didn’t see that him getting a pacemaker was the end of the world as we know it!! I never got one ounce of empathy, love or even a phone call after any of my surgeries nor either of my pacemaker surgery’s.

It’s a horrible rollercoaster. I stop seeing & talking to them for months at a time. Then I get phone calls asking me why I’m not calling my father? I’m so tired of being treated like the scum under the sink! My dads managed to turn all but 1 or 2 of my cousins against me & all of my aunts & Uncles. The one Aunt who never judged me and somehow saw through the charade, died a year or so ago. I have a couple of cousins who know, saw & understand the truth. One of the 3, passed away last week.

I had a favorite aunt once, she used to put food into my pockets when I’d leave after visiting her house as a kid. She has stuck by my dad & his stories. I asked my dad earlier this year if he’d told that particular Aunt, that we we’d been meeting for dinner the past few years and had been chatting etc? He told me “she doesn’t care about you she has no use for you!

I dared to speak the “family secrets”. I dared to get help and be a real & separate person. To make a healthier & better life for my husband, my daughters & myself. It’s been hell and I’ve tried to keep kindness, hope & empathy in my heart; & God in my soul.

So all in all, I almost lost my dad this month. Regardless of how I’ve been treated, he’s still my dad & we only have one dad. I also underwent a major & very painful surgery 10 days ago. A tumor was removed from my middle ear. The surgeon drilled into my skull and mastoid bone. Ten days later, I’m still suffering with a lot of pain & fatigue. Once again, I feel totally ostracized & uncared about by my biological family. There’s only one person whose been by my side for the past 23 years & that person is my husband & soul-mate, Craig. We’ve been by each other’s side through so much and I thank God for him every day.