Let Freedom Ring


As I sit here tonight, I am afraid.  I don’t often say that,  due to my history (*living with a lifetime of abuse, pain, chronic illness, loss, multiple surgeries and more).  I have been  through so much during my 58 years on this earth. I may be a bit anxious and have physical disabilities, but inside, I am a very tenacious and strong woman.  I am a fighter.  I can plainly say that it is not the Coronavirus or COVID-19, that I’m afraid of today. (**even if I were to get this nasty novel Coronavirus, I still would prefer to live free until I am unable to live any longer. I hope and pray that this does not happen, but I know that there is always a chance. I’m willing to take that chance to live a free life outside of my home).  It is those  people who have made “being safe at all costs” more important than living life at all.  I fear those for whom this virus has yeilded power; they are our biggest threat. If you think about living in pre-COVID-19 times, you will remember that waking up every day and going out into the world is not and has never been “SAFE”.  But still we went out every day and lived our lives in “unsafe mode” constantly and consistantly.  Just think about it for a moment.  Getting into the car and driving, is not safe. Getting into an airplane and flying, is not safe.  Going to the mall, where there are a multitude of germs, is not safe. There are people who have gone sky diving, parasailing, skiing, race car driving and even gone to concerts and full football, Baseball or Hockey stadiums in the past.  Yet today, those same people are now still hiding inside of their homes, terrified of something that has a fatality rate lower than expected and close to the Flu’s 0.1%. Study” Coronavirus Fatality Rate Lower than Expected, Close to Flu’s 0.1%

The threat seems to be coming straight from those elected officials who are supposed to be governing at the pleasure of the people! They were not elected into the office of Governor, to become dictators and tyrants.  One of those dictator tyrants, for example, is our Michigan Governor Gretchan Whitmer. At the first sign of trouble; they order us cower in place and then dictate from their basements (or their second or third homes, after ordering the rest of us not to travel to any second vacation homes).  They are fear mongering instead of uniting. They are telling us to stop thinking for ourselves and listen to & follow their outrageous orders. We, the people,  are shrinking instead of standing tall. But standing tall and fighting for freedom is what Americans have done best for hundreds of years. Please let it be known that I do not condone violence.  But peaceful resistance, writing, calling, getting petitions and recalls out there; are proactive steps, made by “Free People”, and I definitely do believe in and support these peaceful actions, especially now.

Our Governor and several other Democratic Governors have made hundreds of executive orders.  They have claimed that they are being driven to these Executve orders by Science and data.  But all of the Science and data that I have read, has been incorrect time and time again. The data has been incorrect, misrepresented, and downright skewed to make things appear much worse than the situation truly is.  The CDC’s own Dr. Fauci has admitted that he has been wrong! He also told us in March 2020, that masks were “not necessary” and that they “won’t protect us” from COVID-19.  But then a few months later, informs us that we ” MUST wear masks” to keep us “Safe”. He also is the same person who told us that these lockdowns were necessary to “flatten the curve”.  Well we did that and flattened the curve on or about mid April 2020. It is now almost June and we are still quarantined and under “orders to stay at home” (except for essential travel for food or necessary items to sustain life etc.).  Now Dr Fauci, our expert Immunologist who has been advising our President and the COVID-19 taskforce, says that a second wave is “NOT INEVITABLE”–and he is “feeling better about” preventing it. 

Many of the same ideas that have been going on inside of my head, were said aloud in a courtroom in Illinois this past week. Judge McHaney, who presided over a case against Governor Pritzker, verbalized and put in court transcripts, many of the things that have been eating away at my inner self.  Here are some of the things that he said:   Mainerv. Pritzker Transcript – Let Liberty Ring :

Since the inception of this insanity, the following regulations, rules or consequences have occurred:”

  • I won’t get COVID if I get an abortion but I will get COVID if I get a colonoscopy
  • Selling pot is essential but selling goods and services at a family-owned business is not.
  • Pot wasn’t even legal and pot dispensaries didn’t even exist in this state until five months ago and, in that five months, they have become essential but a family – owned business in existence for five generations is not.
  • A family of six can pile in their car and drive to Carlyle Lake without contracting COVID but, if they all get in the same boat, they will.
  • We are told that kids rarely contract the virus and sunlight kills it, but summer youth programs, sports programs are cancelled.
  • Four people can drive to the golf course and not get COVID but, if they play in a foursome, they will.
  • If I go to Walmart, I won’t get COVID but, if I go to church, I will.
  • Murderers are released from custody while small business owners are threatened with arrest if they have the audacity to attempt to feed their families.

These are just a few of the examples of rules, regulations, and consequences that are arbitrary, capricious, and completely devoid of anything even remotely approaching common sense.  State’s attorneys in this state, county sheriffs, mayors, city councils and county boards have openly and publicly defied these orders followed by threats to withold funding and revocation of necessary licenses and certifications unless you obey.

Our economy is shut down because of a flu virus with a 98% -plus survival rate.  Doctors and experts say different things weekly.  The defendant cites models in his opposition.  The only thing experts will agree on is that all models are wrong and some are useful.  The Centers for Disease Control now says the virus is not easily spread on surfaces.”

“The defendant in this case orders you to stay home and pronounces that, if you leave the state, you are putting people in danger, but his family members traveled to Florida and Wisconsin because he deems such travel essential.  One initial rationale why the rules don’t apply to him is that his family farm had animals that needed fed.  Try selling that argument to farmers who have had to slaughter their herds because of disruption in the supply chain.”

“When laws do not apply to those who make them, people are not being governed, they are being ruled.  Make no mistake, these executive orders are not laws.  They are royal decrees.  Illinois citizens are not being governed, they are being ruled.  The last time I checked Illinois citizens are also Americans and Americans don’t get ruled!  The last time a monarch tried to rule Americans, a shot was fired that was heard around the world.  That day led to the birth of a nation consensually governed based upon a document which ensures that on this day in this, an American courtroom tyrannical despotism will always lose and liberty, freedom and the constitution will always win”

As I sit here contemplating a smooth ending to this post/article, I realize that #1: our Governor in Michigan, Gretchen Whitmer, has been one of the top tyrannical dictators. She has done and said similar scenarios as the Governor of Illinois. Yet, our Michigan court somehow sided with her? Her family went up North last weekend to her 2nd home. I saw photos of her in a restaurant without a mask and with several other people. Her husband was exposed as trying to get a favor, because he is “the Governor’s husband “. He asked a boat dock company to let him “jump the line” because of who his wife is. She first said it never happened. But later went on Television & explained that “it was his failed attempt at humor”. Which one is it? The same rules have been applied to Michigan, but even more arbitrary and nonsensical. How can Lottery tickets be essential, but a knee replacement which would alleviate great pain, is not? I cannot top those words just above. I would like to reiterate the judges words and say to you….”Liberty, freedom and the constitution should always win”…..thank you for being here.

Stop The Insanity: The Case Regarding Dr. Kline, M.D.


A woman on Twitter, made a formal complaint against Dr Thomas Kline, MD. He’s a licensed medical physician who treats many chronic pain patients. He has been a courageous & outspoken advocate for the pain community. His Tweets are based on facts & backed up with research. He voluntarily gave up his DEA license because he’s suddenly being investigated for Tweeting that 99.5% of people who are prescribed opioids , do not become addicted! How does a Dr. become under investigation for stating a fact? One that has proof from research??!!

This is insane! How can a random person on Twitter go and make a formal complaint against a Dr . they’ve never known? A physician whose services they’ve never sought out or ever used? ? No one she knows has gone to him & no one has ever been hurt by him!!
His information is NOT emotional, but based on facts and professional research! Her complaint is an EMOTIONAL one!! Yes, with all due respect, it’s sad that she lost her son to HEROIN overdose! But what in the world does a Heroin addiction & his death, got to do with easing the suffering for millions of high impact chronic pain patients?
She’s looking for someone to blame! Her son had a Heroin addiction (an illness of its own) we know that for sure. Maybe he had a genetic predisposition to addiction? But just maybe she’s wants to blame someone else for her sons actions or someone’s inactions? Our Dr Kline is a pillar of ethics and knowledge in the pain community).
Can everyone please get it straight?? Opioids that are prescribed for legitimate high amounts of daily chronic pain, have only about 1-3% to do with addiction!
Someone respectfully tell Ms. Joy, that hurting and “killing” innocent people (who live with horrible A.S., Cancer, RSD/CRPS, Pancreatitis & so many other horribly painful illnesses) will not bring back her son!

The facts are these:

1: Suboxone has horrible side effects (Opioids have very little)! You can’t have an emergency surgery while taking Suboxone because it blocks the anesthetic! It takes about 2 weeks to get out of your system! Maybe this woman wants a traumatic surgery without anesthesia? But most sane people do not want that! You cannot stop taking Suboxone by weaning off slowly (as you can with opioids)! It fights against you with horrific pain and worse effects! I have interviewed people who were given Suboxone inpatient and on it only 6 weeks! It took them more than 6 months to get off if it, and they had horrible & painful side effects from trying to get off of it! Suboxone is a money making scheme! The people involved with the creation, production & distribution of Bupenorphrine/Suboxone, want to rid the world of the “evil” opioids and make Suboxone the only drug for pain! ITS NOT EVEN FOR PAIN!! It’s supposed to be a slightly helpful but weak analgesic for helping those who ARE ADDICTED…& WHO HAVE SOME PAIN!

2) How can a person just make an outrageous claim and the USA government take it seriously & without any proof at all!!??? HOW did this happen?? How did we get here? (I’ll give you 2 reasons starting with “A” & ending with “K”…& also PROPaganda! How does a Dr who is good, kind and cares about the suffering of his patients, get to a point where he surrenders his DEA license that enables him to prescribe some medications treat his patients?? What if “they” decided insulin was addictive to 3% of population? Are they then going to let all Diabetics suffer?

3) Dr Kline uses facts and research and this accuser is someone who I feel is looking to blame someone else! Let’s see what role the others who lived with and around her son had in his life, his addiction & his death, instead of blaming an innocent Dr who is brave and still cares about humanity!

3) most importantly: If someone is taking a pain medication for high amounts of daily high impact & never ending pain, and this medicine (an opioid) helps to enhance this persons life, without any harm to anyone or anything-THAT IS NOT ADDICTION! If a CPP is getting some relief, getting meds on time, taking them as prescribed & they’re given a chance at some semblance of a life (& they are living it), then that medicine should be not only allowed but prescribed absolutely, without any thought of this craziness!

***Go Ahead & Google “FDA-2012-P-0818: It states this:


Some other Articles in this Blog @tearsoftruth.com
A few more Articles within this Blog @tearsoftruth.com
A few more Articles within this Blog @tearsoftruth.com
And lastly, just a few more interesting articles regarding the subject of Opioids, within this Blog

We Are Broken But Strong!


This is for my fellow chronic pain warriors (& me)…fighting the ignorance of those who hold the power to help Cpp’s but they’re pushing massage & other complimentary therapies instead! Opioids clearly help some of the pain community. Let our Drs choose what works best for each individual.

We are in pain & we may be “broken”-but we are worthy, we are strong & we are beautiful! Don’t ever give up! No matter how many people try to put you down or try to “break” you even more!!

Link to my YOUTUBE channel at ASLSuzyQ

Please feel free to follow me on YouTube @ASLSuzyQ for ASL(American Sign Language) song covers & to learn about Deaf History & Deaf culture.

HERE ARE SOME LINKS TO MORE OF MY ASL SONG COVERS ABOUT OUR JOURNEYS WITH ALL DIFFERENT KINDS OF PAIN-BUT BEING STRONG THROUGH IT ALL!

1) “This is Me” (from Greatest Showman)

“This is Me” by Keala Settles

2) “Speechless” (from Aladdin)
Speechless from Aladdin

3) “Keep Holding On” by Avril Lavigne

Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne

4) “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten
“Fight Song” by Rachel Platten

5). “We All Bleed The Same” by Mandisa
We All Bleed The Same by Mandisa

6) “Into the Unknown” from Frozen 2 by Idina Mendel/Aurora
Into the Unknown by Idina Mendel & Aurora from Frozen2

7). “I Dare You” by Kelly Clarkson

“I Dare You”by Kelly Clarkson

8). “Piece By Piece” by Kelly Clarkson

“Piece by Piece” by Kelly Clarkson

9). “Stand Up” by Cynthia Erivo

“Stand Up” by Cynthia Erivo

10). “Broken & Beautiful”

“Broken & Beautiful” by Kelly Clarkson

There are many more ASL cover songs for when you need to feel strong! Don’t ever give up!

*Please feel free to read a small part of my story in the paragraphs beneath each video

Accessibility A Legal Right


Hey Everyone!

This is a great article from Rikki Poynter and it hits home with me, too! Many of my friends who live with either Deafness/Hearing loss &/or disabilities requiring the use of wheelchair,walker or cane etc, may feel a connection to the stress that Rikki Poynter shares in this article.

Some of us are feeling also the stress of not have accessibility to proper medical care for our high impact chronic pain illnesses. This has been constant since the CDC Guidelines were implemented in 2016, without any pain physicians present at the discussions.

I wanted to share this article because I can feel for her experience and so many people don’t “get it”. Here’s the article: http://www.rikkipoynter.com/articles/event-accessibility

For information or questions regarding the ADA or “Americans With Disabilities Act”, please visit: Link to the ADA website

You can follow Rikki Poynter at Twitter, Instagram and Youtube at: https://www.youtube.com/user/rikkipoynter

And on Twitter:
Rikki Poynter on Twitter
(Check out Rikki Poynter on Twitter: I’m deaf and disabled and, you know, stuff. YouTuber & Public Speaker | #NoMoreCRAPtions | PATREON: https://t.co/BsMiMuxDF5 | rikkipoynter@gmail.com)

Link to Rikki Poynter on Instagram

Just a Photo of me with my purple glitter aids

Me with my family in town, on a Summer day

PEASE FEEL FREE TO FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA:
TWITTER:
1) http://www.twitter.com/ASLSuzyQ
2) http://www.twitter.com/ppl_inpainunite
3) http://www.twitter.com/RASEforCRPS
4) http://www.twitter.com/DeafNDizzy
FACEBOOK:
1) http://www.facebook.com/ASLSuzyQ
2) http://www.facebook.com/RASEforCRPS
3)
http://www.facebook.com/peopleinpainunite
TIKTOK:
1) http://www.tiktok.com/asl_suzyq
*(2nd account is: http://www.tiktok.com/asl_suzyq2
INSTAGRAM: http://www.instagram.com/ASLSuzyQ
TUMBLR: http://www.tumblr.com/ASLSuzyQ
MY BLOG: “Tears of Truth”: @tearsoftruth.com or http://www.wordpress.com/tearsoftruth
SNAPCHAT: http://www.Snapchat.com/jewelrymkr ( or Jewelrymkr )

Regarding Buprenorphrine-Suboxone


Hello my friends! For this blog post you should probably grab yourself a cup of coffee and sit down to read this short story! I’m sorry that this article is more like a “short story” than a blog post! It’s twice as long as any of my normal posts would be. But this just meshed and I wanted this information available to you.

In my opinion, I would prefer no treatment than be forced to take some of these harmful/ horrific medications. By the way, I researched them and they are still not FDA approved for chronic pain patients.  In September 2018, a form of Bupenorphrine, a sublingual film, was FDA approved “for opioid use disorder. ” It was also approved for the maintenance of “opioid dependence”. But if your physician prescribes it for your chronic pain, “off label”; and you are not a patient with “Opioid use disorder” or an “Opioid abuser” then  you may possibly get a very low analgesic effect. Might as well take that Tylenol they’ve been pushing at us? It will help just about as much.  Well, you all know what I mean, right?

Here’s another thought:  Opioids, (*which are being demonized by our government now) can have a few side effects but normally they go away within a week or so after taking them. The side effects can be:

  1. Constipation
  2. Shallow breathing (but that is only if you take more than what is needed for your height/weight and medical conditions)
  3. Once in awhile you can get nausea and/or vomiting (but the nausea lasts a couple of days at the most.  I’ve not experienced vomiting from Opioids.

Here are the list of side effects for the FDA approved Bupenorphrine and Naloxone sublingual film (called Cassipa): Proof of these Side effects of this medication online

  1. oral hypoeshesia (numbness),
  2. glossodynia (burning mouth)
  3. oral mucosal erythema (inflammation of the oral mucous membrane *sores in your mouth*
  4. headache,
  5. nausea
  6. vomiting,
  7. hyperhidrosis (excessisve sweating)
  8. constipation,
  9. **SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF WITHDRAWAL**
  10. Insomnia
  11. **PAIN**
  12. Peripheral edema (accumualtion of fluid causing swelling in the lower limbs

**THESE PRODUCTS MAY ONLY BE PRESCRIBED BY DRUG ADDICION TREATMENT ACT (DATA)-CERTIFIED PRESCRIBERS. With this list of side effects and all of the warnings, how or why is is supposed to be OK to use, but other

***BELBUCA:  is another type of “opioid”, similar to the above, but without the Naloxone. It is also a partial antagonist. (**It is very different from the kind Opioids that most pain patients are familiar with. The opioids that we know are able to help alleviate high amounts of daily, round the clock, high impact chronic pain).

I visited the Belbuca online and their website has a bunch of videos showing people with chronic pain and how this medcation has supposedly helped them (they are paid actors most likely).  The list of effects appear to be much longer and worse, in my opinion. The list of bad effects on the majority of opioids that many chronic pain patients have safely taken for years; or even decades, appears to be much less toxic and life altering or even, threatening.  On that same page, they say that “Methadone maintenance is  helpful for people who don’t do well with buprenorphrine. But people (mainly addicts) have to visit a clinic daily to recive that treatment.”  Our favorite guy (*cough cough), Kolodny, says now that “Suboxone is a viable treatment akin to buprenorphrine.” *Also, did you know that once you take Bupenorphrine or Suboxone, you will be labeled an “addict” & no longer a chronic pain patient/warrior! See: Opioid Addiction Treatments). Kolodny ‘s trying to not only rid the USA, but the world possibly, of opioids and replace them with much more harsh opioids! Suboxone which he calls “akin to buprenophrine” has been proven to have none or a very low analgesic effect. If taken, this so called medicine, LABELS you for life as an “ADDICT”. Yes, you are labeled for life as an addict if you accept Kolodny’s “get rich scheme” & take these harsh addiction medications! They are very different from normal pain medications that most people with long term chronic pain illnesses have been doing well on, for decades! Suboxone & Bupenorphrine also have a long list of worse than horrible side effects. Why & how are these OK to give to sick people living with horrific amounts of daily pain? People who are seeking any kind of reprieve, relief from their painful existence in hell.

Please be aware of this crooked switch to these harsh addiction medications. Please understand that the cowardly physicians, who prescribe these meds, do not have the patients best interest at heart. Instead they’re lining Kolodny’s and others wallets and bank accounts.

All the while we are suffering and being lumped together with addicts (yes, they need help too. But that is their story to tell). I have testimonials a mile long from several persons who had been prescribed these harsh addiction medications & who’ve taken one form or another of Bupenorphrine or Suboxone. They said “it was the worst medication they’d ever taken and it has horrific side effects that are unrelenting & never ending. IF you dare try to go off of it, or taper down (*as you can do with the regular kinds of opioids that most patients are familiar with), those medications tend to pull you in even deeper. They’re designed to keep you addicted . They work against your body and majorly increases your pain so that you won’t stop taking it. You cannot ever go off of it “cold turkey”. If you try, then you may experience withdrawals that I’ve been told are hellish. Worse than anything I’ve ever heard about regarding opioid withdrawals.

In a future blog post, I will try to add more & organize them. I’ll let you read what others have sent to me. I have permission from several persons because they want you to know what they have had to endure; in order to save you from going through the same hellish experiences.

DISCLAIMER: *I AM STATING THAT THIS MEDICATION IS NOT GOOD FOR HELPING THE CHRONIC PAIN PATIENTS! BUT IT MAY BE A “WEAK ANALGESIC” THAT COULD HELP AN ADDICT, A DRUG ADDICT, WHO LIVES ALSO WITH CHRONIC PAIN! That’s what it’s good for!!

The Story of My Experiences With USPF


Here’s the link to Pat Anson’s Pain News Network article week of 5-12-19:Misappropriation of funds by the US Pain Foundation

I’ve had some things weighing on my mind lately. I had thought about keeping them to myself because I’m not a person who likes to be in the midst of turmoil. I try to live as drama-free as I possibly can. But a few months ago, I was contacted by Pat Anson, from the “Pain News Network”. I declined to speak about the events hovering around the US Pain Foundation & decided to take the high road and not allow my feelings and emotions take flight. It’s been an entire year & I let “the dust settle”. I waited an entire year to post my story about this. I didn’t want this post to be written with anger or any feelings of revenge. But there are a few issues that have been tugging at my heart and bothering my mind. These continue to nag me in my thoughts.

Since Pat Anson’s articles have surfaced; I’ve read several pieces of information that are now public knowledge. I’ve decided that there are some things I’d like to share because I do have a story to tell. I will only share with you my personal observations, opinions and experiences.

First, I must share that when I was added to the Board of Directors of the US Pain Foundation,(officially on January 31, 2018), I was excited. Around that time, I decided to call one of the persons whose photo I’d seen on the USPF website listed as a Board Member. She was also director of their Medical Cannabis program. I’d been told she was a veteran Board member. I called to ask her a few questions, such as: “What was it like, being on the Board? What do we do as Board Members etc?” She laughed & told me that “there was no real Board of Directors”. She added that they’d never even had a board meeting! I was a bit disappointed at hearing this news. But it was soon confirmed. The Board of Directors of the USPain Foundation, were actually just photographs on the USPF website, prior to January, 2018. There was no true Board of Directors. There had been no board meetings or elections. So….I’m guessing there was there no secretary or treasurer? I’m guessing this means that nobody had to get permission to write checks? Didn’t they have to answer to anyone about how or where to spend donation monies? How does the President, Vice President & Executive Director & other upper management, not know what & where money is coming in and/or going out?

(*I’d  been a “volunteer ambassador”since November 2015. I did Awareness events and fundraisers. All the while I thought I was doing something good. I wanted to be a good advocate and help people living with pain, like myself.)

In looking back, in my opinion, It seems to me that when upper management realized that things had somehow gotten out of hand and that the USPF might be slipping away, they decided to get lawyers and accountants involved in an attempt to “fix” a situation that they’d created. It seemed to have finally become something larger that they could no longer handle alone. Again, this is just me looking back, trying to make sense of the entire debacle.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The first meeting was in California, in January 2018. But I was too ill to travel that far and watched it as a Zoom meeting. Nothing of super importance was discussed, from my recollection. After being recruited to the Board, I still had no knowledge of any significance until much later in the year. Also, in January of 2018, they wouldn’t allow me to make it public, that I’d been appointed to their Board of Directors. My volunteer position as Board Member was not added to their website until March that year. Over the following months, I found out what a mess things were and I immediately wanted to resign. I was advised by one of the attorneys, that “it wouldn’t look good” for USPF, if anyone on the Board resigned during that time. (*Even though Dr Abaci immediately resigned from the board when he found out about the misuse of funds in the past).

I was told that we should all stay and help to reorganize & rebuild USPF. The attorneys explained that it wouldn’t really look good for any of the Board Members to resign in the midst of this reorganization. Therefore I stayed for as long as I felt that I was doing something good. Even prior to becoming a Board member, I was given “busy work” & then asked to do research & write two articles for the “Learn About Your Pain” portion of their website. I was asked to research, write and include links with graphics about S.I.B.O and Dysautonomia. I turned in several pages of completed research. Almost a year later, I inquired about when everything that I had done was going to be posted to the “Learn About Your Pain” website? I received angry emails from several members telling me that with everything that USPF was going through, how could I even think about myself? (In Spring of 2018, I was also asked to make a video about RSD/CRPS, that I in fact made and it also was never used). I was asked (3) three times, to be a part of the USPF “INvisible Project”. A 4th time, I was told that I could tell my husband that he was going to be a part of the “Caregiver” edition of the INvisible project. Each time I was invited to be a part of that, I signed video/photo releases and I answered 10-12 questions in complete sentences. I gathered photos etc., and turned them into the USPF’s person in charge of that project with the interim CEO. Each time,within days of handing back my completed tasks (*just remember that I am also a chronic pain patient and was an unpaid volunteer), I received an email from the person helping the interim CEO with that project. She just told me things like “Ooops, My Bad?? I guess the interim CEO has something bigger in store for you later”! This went on for over a year.

In getting back to the true issues at hand, in Or around early Spring 2018, we asked the former CEO to resign. The Board meetings were only and always about the situation that USPF found themselves in, regarding the former CEO. Then in July, 2018; my Pain Management doctor told me that he was going to immediately remove me from my long acting/extended release pain medications (after almost 14 years of doing well on them). He said it was because of the CDC Guidelines.

I left the appointment that day in tears. I feared for my life and what the future was going to feel like. I arrived at home to an email from the US Pain Foundation. It was a survey asking people to tell what they know about Bupenorphrine. Being a board meeting member, I immediately called the interim CEO. I shared with her my shock & dismay about this email that went out to the pain community; the very people who I try to advocate for and protect. I asked her, what prompted this survey? I found out that the foundation had received a donation from the company that makes Suboxone/Bupenorphrine ( Here’s a list of the medications that RBI makes). My exact words to her were “How could you allow USPF get in bed with Andrew Kolodny?” She tried to assure me that Suboxone wasn’t anything like Bupenorphrine (*see photos that are included with this article). I was told I didn’t know what I was talking about and I was mistaken. She went on to explain that one condition of the donation was to get the public to have more knowledge, or to see what the pain community actually knew about Bupenorphrine. Next, I asked the interim CEO if she knew that the drug Bupenorphrine was not FDA approved for pain (at that time), in the USA? I told her it was an addiction medication and that people are labeled an addict once they’re put on Suboxone/Bupenorphrine; even if it’s for chronic pain! She told me that members of the pain community should have access to all different kinds of medications and therapies. I was very upset and I decided to do more research.Bupenorphrine is a weak analgesic that may slightly help those who have chronic pain AND addiction

Along with many among the chronic pain community, I had already been personally feeling that USPF has not been supportive of opioids, for chronic pain. I have written two articles about these medications: About Suboxone/Buprenorphine-and-naloxone and More About Bupenorphrine/Suboxone. I wrote these articles because I felt that the pleas of the chronically ill, the disabled and those of us living with daily ongoing high pain illnesses/issues; were not being listened to. We were not being heard by our Drs, the government or our own US Pain Foundation.

As soon as that conversation with the interim CEO ended; I knew that my time volunteering with USPF was coming to an end. I had been already feeling that they “push” complimentary therapies and medical cannabis without any support for a portion of the pain community who relies on opioids for pain control. They portray complimentary therapies as though they can actually end chronic pain without any help from medications. They publicly & actively support their medical marijuana program. If they can support a Federally illegal substance; (which I’m personally not against when & where it is legal; and only for medicinal purposes), and if they support all methods to alleviate pain, then where’s their opioid program? I feel that people should be able to use Marijuana, Kratom, acupuncture or opioids to alleviate their daily chronic pain. But opioids have been taboo within the USPF. Possibly for some political reason, in my opinion.

Another occurrence that helped me decide to resign after only 8 months of being on the Board of Directors, was when I found out about the movie/documentary that the interim CEO was making with Actress, Karen Duffy. It just feels to me, like she & other upper management persons within the US Pain Foundation are more interested in publishing books and being in movies, than actually helping the pain community. My sadness grew deeper when I watched the movie trailer: Balancing The Pain Scale, a documentary with actress Karen Duffy & interim CEO of USPF . Some of words taken directly from the trailer are “getting beyond the pill bottle”. Once again, USPF was demonizing opioids. I’m not the only one who saw this either. Here is an article that I found from A prominent advocate for the pain community : A Blog Post from Steve Ariens, “Pharmacist Steve”.

The very last straw for me was when the Interim CEO & the rest of the Board, contemplated not telling the USPF “In-person” support group leaders that they were no longer covered by insurance. I was the only Board member who said that I’d have no part of that! If you’d like to read my resignation letter (redacted items are the attorneys names and anything that was not my information to share), it is here: Why I Resigned From The US Pain Foundation

I still find it difficult to believe that nobody else who’d been in upper management of the foundation for several years, knew anything regarding the going out and coming in of money/funds?

After my resignation, I started hearing stories from ex-Ambassadors that involved a couple of upper management persons being involved in some behavior that in my opinion, was inappropriate. Some of this allegedly took place during a few USPF sponsored events. In 2016, July; at the University of New England, “Pain Summit”, my husband and I stayed overnight at a nearby hotel instead of staying at the dorms. It appears that we missed seeing anything first-hand; but according to at least 2 eyewitnesses (one that actually called & showed me some videos), there were high ranking members involved in behaviors that I would consider inappropriate for anyone, let alone, upper management of a non-profit. Especially not during an event sponsored and run by that same Non-Profit.

All of this has been on my mind. I didn’t want to lose my integrity by talking to someone else about all of this. I decided that this is my blog & my own story to tell. I’ve given you my observations, opinions & truth to the best of my knowledge.

Reckett Benkaiser being Sued by 35 states

Who Makes Bupenorphrine?

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**BELOW IS A 1 MINUTE VIDEO SHARING MY CREDENTIALS. THIS VIDEO SHARES ALSO THE VIEWS OF US PAIN ABOUT ME & MY VOLUNTEER WORK WITH THEIR ORGANIZATION FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS:

A YouTube Video with my Credentials

Silent World


September marks the beginning of Deaf Awareness Month 2019. In light of this, I will be bringing you a few blog posts during this month, about the subjects of deafness, Deaf vs. deaf, ASL, Deaf history & Deaf culture, etc.

Today, I want to take a moment to truly introduce another part of my “story” to all of you. Most of you know much about me already. You also know a lot about my pain journey already, if you’ve been following this blog at all. But you may not know much information about some other aspects of my journey. You might have seen my songs done in ASL (American Sign Language) at my YouTube channel: ASLSuzyQ .

I’ve been married for 23.5 years to my soul-mate & the Love of my life, Craig. He’s been an Elementary school teacher for 40 years now & is retired as of June 2018. We have 2 daughters who are married and 3 granddaughters & 1 grandson: Olivia-6yrs, McKenzie-5yrs. & Kiera-3 yrs & Bryce-9 months. I am high Moderate Hard of Hearing (on left) & (mostly) Deaf (on right). I had been mild HoH (Hard of Hearing) since childhood but didn’t get my 1st hearing aids until 2002. But in May 2019, I was diagnosed with an auditory tumor, called “Cholesteatoma”. Which turned out to actually be a rare disease because it often times comes back (50%/50% chance). It has caused pretty much total silence in my right ear. The Cholesteatoma (More information about Cholesteatoma ) had diseased my eardrum, hearing bones & mastoid by the time it was discovered & removed surgically on 7-26-19.

In short, I will tell you that I started out in life, totally hearing. By age 11, I had so much scar tissue in my ears L>R, from multiple ruptured eardrums, that I had a mild hearing loss. I babysat for a Deaf family with 6 Deaf children. My friend, Judy W. & I babysat as a team. I was fascinated to be able to talk without speaking. I was excited about learning ASL. These kids went to a residential school & they taught me colors, numbers, finger-spelling and everyday conversational signs. We played games like “Monopoly” and we played “school” & “house” etc.

I received ASL books for each holiday and I learned all that I could on my own. I went to college, then it was the only 4-year Sign Language studies/Interpreting program. After my 3rd year, my Aunt (who lived in AZ) called to tell me that she saw a job opening for an “Assistant Teacher” at a Deaf preschool. The requirements stated that a “college degree was required”. But I’d tested out of my first two college ASL classes & I practically lived in the dorm with 16 Deaf friends. We did everything together and I was just accepted lovingly by them. I’d been already Interpreting for the college classes at my own College, & I was doing Deaf/Blind medical Interpreting. So I flew 2,000 miles and applied for the job. I was so very excited to get the job, over others who had their degrees already. I worked at the Deaf school and I found a wonderful church youth group where I was involved in Interpreting for weekly church services. I also got involved in a an ASL drama (with choreography) group, called “Silent Impressions Productions”. We put on beautiful productions of ASL /choreographed songs & dances with gorgeous costumes. People paid $10 each, to come to our production at ASU. I was in “Nights on Broadway”, “One”(from Chorus Line) & “Hello Dolly”! It was such great fun! I was also in an ASL & Interpretive dance Christian group, called “Silent Praise”!

I had the best 2 years of my younger life ! It was such fun! I did miss home & my friends. I also needed & wanted to go back & finish my degree!

I came back home & finished college. Afterwards I was so excited to land a job as a school district Interpreter by day and as a University, “night classes” Interpreter, at my Alma Mater. I later married and had two children. At that time, with 2 small young children, I just Interpreted the night classes for several years. I continued with the medical Interpreting for Deaf/Blind.

I was in An abusive marriage and after 8 years, I got the courage to get my 2 baby girls & myself out! We went to a domestic violence shelter. I was so proud that My babies & I left on a Saturday early evening; & by Monday afternoon I had a full time job as a professional Interpreter for a school district. I Interpreted for the High school, Middle school & Elementary school.

So to speed things up a bit…. I divorced & re-married 7 or 8 years later. In the meantime I was offered a job with much more money & great medical benefits. I would be a Secretarial “float” (meaning that I had to learn everyone’s jobs so that I could cover for them). I had to learn 500 Drs schedules. I was also assigned to be the research secretary for a well known lung transplant doctor. I wore a pager and was paged multiple times weekly; if not daily, to interpret for Deaf patients who came into the hospital for either an appointment or to the ER.

One night that I particularly remember, I got called from home after I’d already gone home; to interpret for a Deaf patient. He was in the emergency room having a heart attack. I had to be precise in telling the doctors exactly how the patient was feeling. It was then, that I realized Just how very important an Interpreters job really is.

All was going well until the end of Summer in 2002. I was with my husband at a Summer art fair on a lazy Weekend day. During the drive home, we were going through a green light when another person, a man, went through a red light and crashed into our minivan. We were “T-boned”! It was classified as a “catastrophic” accident. My kids were not in the car! I thank God for that always! My husband was not hurt, but he was bruised up a bit.

Unfortunately, I was unconscious and ended up having multiple injuries and many surgeries. All in all, I also acquired several high impact chronic pain illnesses. Some of these include: Systemic RSD/CRPS, Polyneuropathy in Collagen Vascular Disease (aka EDS Type 4/heart & vascular), Degenerative Disc, Disease with multiple herniated & bulging discs at C5,6,7 & L4,5 & S-1 (along with spinal stenosis), Chronic Kidney Disease stage 2, Dysautonomia/POTs, a Pacemaker/AFib/Long QT syndrome, RA, Gastroparesis & more, including Cholesteatoma now as well. There’s more but I won’t bore you with all of that! I will add that I suffered a TBI that gave me lowered vision (prisms & convergence insufficiency) & hearing loss (I acquired 2 hearing aids in 2002-3 after the MVA). The TBI was such that I required brain injury rehab for 3 years.

After the Cholesteatoma & Surgery, I now identify as “Deaf/HoH”. The reason for this change (from HoH), is because now I can hear pretty much nothing in my right ear. The left ear is hugh moderate/severe hearing loss. I’ve received two new Signia hearing aids & I’ll be re-tested again each year.

I’ve stayed a strong advocate for Deaf/HoH. I fight oppression, audism & ableism alongside the Deaf community. Please feel free to follow me on Instagram ASLSuzyQ Instagram , Twitter ASLSuzyQ Twitter, Facebook My ASLSuzyQ Facebook Artist/video creator page and my Facebook group ASL Express Facebook group and YouTube My ASLSuzyQ YouTube channel . My ASL group on Facebook is called “ASL Express”. We express ourselves using ASL & with this group, I try to bridge the gap between Hearing, Deaf & Hard of Hearing worlds. I try to expose beginners to Deaf history, Deaf culture & Deaf community. For the more advanced and/or native and/or ASL fluent; we have a comfortable place to share & hang out online!

September is Deaf Awareness Month (short 2 1/2 min video)

The True Motivation Behind the Opioid Crisis-Profit off PDMPs and Profiling, Private Data Theft


Hello Luvs!

I just wanted to bring your attention to this insightful article. If one stops to persue the state laws on the books regarding PDMPs (prescription drug monitoring programs), there is an abundance of fascinating language buried in our very own state statutes. These…
— Read on medium.com/@heatherzamm/the-true-motivation-behind-the-opioid-crisis-profit-off-pdmps-and-profiling-private-data-theft-4b0ffb10e9d3

All For One, None For All


Gosh, to think of all the positive blog stories that I’ve posted. That’s how I met most of you. Through my perseverance and positivity. But lately, I’ve had lots of “downers” & I apologize. I do apologize …but not before another “not so upbeat” post. So remember how I was trying to be there for my dad? He recently was inpatient at hospital & he had to have the “Rapid response” revive him twice at age 88. I went even though I was told by him & my brothers, not to come. Well then, I was given times that I was supposed to go because that would help everyone else. Because I’m a high impact pain patient, I’m up at night. That doesn’t mean I’m out at night doing stuff. That means, I’m at home in my PJ’s unable to sleep due to pain issues. But the entire 12 days before my major surgery, I spent with my dad and going when I was told to go and even when I wasn’t.

When he got put on dialysis, Craig & I showed up. I was told by my brother that it would be “all day or at minimum 4 hours so we couldn’t see him” (& supposedly they couldn’t see him either). So I called their bluff & said “well we will just wait. We can wait 4 hours here with you!” Ahhh but then he says 5 minutes later “we can go in after the dialysis nurse gets things started actually in about 1/2 hour”. Hmmmmmm??? A far cry from 4 hours or more. We stayed & said nothing. I even went to see my dad the night prior to the day before my surgery.

I was texted the day before my major surgery, by my brother who asked if I was coming up in the evening (to relieve him, I’m sure bcz he was leaving)… or “when was I coming?” That day I said I couldn’t come because I had to do some stuff for myself before the surgery. I’ve not heard from anyone since then.

I’ve texted my dad daily. But not once has it been about me. Never has been…never will be. But my brother called Craig once & said he was on his way to see my dad… told Craig about my dad & asked about my surgery for a moment in the end.

(Side story:**My dad told me that my middle brother (who I don’t see, for many good reasons & haven’t for almost 17 years)told him that he “doesn’t & hasn’t prayed for me for all of these years but he will pray for my surgery “for my dads sake”… WTH?? He pretends to be a priest! He buys all of the stuff online & even bought a certificate that says he’s a “bishop”… he has a fake chapel that when you go to Google Earth, it sends you to his house!! If you go to his website you see that people send him money as “donating to his church”! There aren’t even any real services held. One lady online wrote on his website, “me thinks he’s a fake”! Well me thinks so too! I stay far away from him and I have always and since I took several PPO’s out against him. (The Domestic Violence Shelter helped me!)

My dad is at cardiac rehab now & he’s actually getting better. But it really hurts that my family has not cared about me & they continue to say “we’re always here for you!” My dad continues this fairy tale “that if ever I needed any of them, they’d be there for me “even with our differences”!

Well, I’ll tell you…. they’ve not been there & haven’t been since I was a child. Once when I called my big brother, after I was in a catastrophic car accident. I suffered a TBI & his phone number was the only one in my head. I even hit myself in the face by accident with the telephone, in trying to call him because I felt in pain & afraid. He answered the phone with “Oh…you need someone ?…”. CLICK & the phone went dead! He hung up on me! I suffered 3 years of brain injury rehab. I’ve gone through 10 surgeries now! They tried to turn my daughters against me when they were teenagers also! They were not ever, nor have they been there for me at all! They’ve only tried to hurt me more & “kick me when I was down”. Luckily, the love, protection and bond that my daughters, my husband and I had/have, pulled us through! We are as close or closer than ever! They are older now, with families of their own. They look back & now understand & see what truly happened. Having children of their own, they can’t fathom what happened to me! They don’t really see or talk to any of my biological family. But when my dad was dying, I got them to come & to make a FaceTime call.

Now that my Dads in cardiac rehab, he /they are back to their same horrible treatment of me. They’d still throw me face down in a mud puddle, in the middle of a busy street during rush hour; if it would give them my daughters and grandchildren.

Another thing that I can’t fathom is the way my dad & brothers have treated my dads girlfriend/live in partner of 12 years. She treated me absolutely abhorrently when I introduced myself to her the first time, years ago. Again, another “victim” who only knew one side of their story.

But guess who was nice to her? Guess who was concerned about her feelings when my dad & brothers refused her entrance to see my dad while he was inpatient & dying. She texted me until the wee hours of the mornings. I was kind to her & told her she should go visit him anyways. She is my dads “creature” too, unfortunately. She stayed away & barely got any information from my brother. She asked me to help her to get a pill reminder because my dad did all of that for her. He infantilized her as he’s tried to do to me. I cared about her & promised her that no matter what happened; Craig & I would visit her & try to be there for her as much as possible. Guess who I never heard from before or after my recent major surgery?? I’ve not heard from any of them! I’ve sent texts for 3 days in a row & never have received a response from my dad. Yet my daughter texted him while she was visiting us with our granddaughters yesterday. He texted her back right away & asked if he could call her? She said she was at my house & he could call anytime.

I had to fight in order to be included as one of my fathers 3 adult children. They said I was “too frail & too weak to come visit because I might cry & hence, make my dad cry”! Oh My Gosh! I’m stronger than any of them put together! I’ve been through a hundred times more pain and abuse than any of them! I told them they were not going to shut me out again, like they did when my mom died. I am strong! I told my dad that he has 3 children, not 2! My oldest brother pretty much gave up a life of his own in order to be “the honored one”. He does everything for my dad and we’ve been shut out for years.

Only when my dad thought he was dying did he say nice things to me. He told me (after I put my foot down & insisted that I was visiting him in the hospital) that “it was a treasure to have me there every day”! He said I was a “dear, dear, sweet person & he loved me”! I cried & couldn’t believe those words were said to me.

I’m 10 days post-op and I’ve barely been out of our home. I cannot visit him right now. But as I’ve said, I texted 3 days in a row with zero response. The 1st day I did get a quick response when I tried to tell my dad (who was discharged & on his way to cardiac rehab) that my surgery was over & it hurts quite a lot. I sent a couple of pictures. But the response I got was unfathomable. He told me “it looked like a nice, neat job” (*pictures above & below)! Even though I actually looked like I’d gotten beat up or walked through a war zone! He then told me about his bathroom issue of the day.

None of them called or have cared about me at all! My older brother called Craig once after surgery & that was because my dad wanted to know if I made it or not, I guess? Then he told Craig about my dad (as I was being put into the recovery room).

I’ve had 2 pacemakers placed and 8 other surgeries in the past 17 years. I live with systemic RSD/CRPS. They don’t even know what that is & never have cared to ask or see any of my special needs. But my dad got a pacemaker 6-7 months ago at age 88. They made such a huge deal about it! I tried to explain that I’m on my 2nd one and got my 1st at age 40! I told them that “it’s not so bad”! They were indignant & furious that I didn’t see that him getting a pacemaker was the end of the world as we know it!! I never got one ounce of empathy, love or even a phone call after any of my surgeries nor either of my pacemaker surgery’s.

It’s a horrible rollercoaster. I stop seeing & talking to them for months at a time. Then I get phone calls asking me why I’m not calling my father? I’m so tired of being treated like the scum under the sink! My dads managed to turn all but 1 or 2 of my cousins against me & all of my aunts & Uncles. The one Aunt who never judged me and somehow saw through the charade, died a year or so ago. I have a couple of cousins who know, saw & understand the truth. One of the 3, passed away last week.

I had a favorite aunt once, she used to put food into my pockets when I’d leave after visiting her house as a kid. She has stuck by my dad & his stories. I asked my dad earlier this year if he’d told that particular Aunt, that we we’d been meeting for dinner the past few years and had been chatting etc? He told me “she doesn’t care about you she has no use for you!

I dared to speak the “family secrets”. I dared to get help and be a real & separate person. To make a healthier & better life for my husband, my daughters & myself. It’s been hell and I’ve tried to keep kindness, hope & empathy in my heart; & God in my soul.

So all in all, I almost lost my dad this month. Regardless of how I’ve been treated, he’s still my dad & we only have one dad. I also underwent a major & very painful surgery 10 days ago. A tumor was removed from my middle ear. The surgeon drilled into my skull and mastoid bone. Ten days later, I’m still suffering with a lot of pain & fatigue. Once again, I feel totally ostracized & uncared about by my biological family. There’s only one person whose been by my side for the past 23 years & that person is my husband & soul-mate, Craig. We’ve been by each other’s side through so much and I thank God for him every day.

Update On Upcoming Skull-Neuro-Ear Surgery


Hello Everyone !

Above is a 37 second update from my appointment today 6-10-19. Thank you for the outpouring of love ❤️ and support! You’re the Best followers/fans/friends ever!!

**ADDENDUM: SURGERY WILL BE JULY 26, 2019** they scheduled it today…. JUST WANTED TO UPDATE YOU ALL… sending peace, hope, love & Light…

Feel free to email me: tearsoftruth@yahoo.com

Love ❤️

Suzy

Heres my Instagram post today too:
So I saw the Skull base/neuro/Ear surgeon today. I will be having the tumor removed soon. I will have a Tympanoplasty(they’ll reconstruct my eardrum using a “disc” made from cartledge & Skull fascia. This is to prevent this from returning. The 3 little bones needed for hearing are diseased. I’ll be getting possibly prosthetic bones? Also I’ll be having a “Mastoidectomy”! Removal of the diseased part of the mastoid bone. It may make my HOH/ “hearing”worse or same but must do this because if it gets into the brain it can kill me! It’s really scary! Many times people hear nothing afterwards, many times people get extreme dry mouth from damage to salivary glands during surgery. Many people get worse “white noise” or pulsating in ear after surgery. Many people get a strange taste for months or forever. They try to not injure the facial nerves by doing EMG during entire surgery, but it can happen… I’m honestly not scared of the white noise or pulsating or worse/same HoH —but I’m frightened of the brain surgery part. They say they’ll be conservative with my hair being cut but still a 2 finger radius around my ear will be cut… just wanted to update everyone. It will be in 2 months because it’s very slow growing tumor and may have been there my whole life?? But it takes time to get the 4 Drs clearances that I need and also his schedule is booked until then. Now I’m happy to have my Summer but still scared because I now have too much time to be thinking about it all!