Seventeen Positive Resolutions for 2017!



Wow, I cannot believe that 2017 is upon us already! Only a few more days and I will have gone through another year with unrelenting nerve pain from systemic/full body CRPS and several other painful illnesses. I have a choice to make, this New year, this month, this week and today. I can choose to get up and start again, to make positive choices and be a “doer”. On the other hand, I can go back to bed, be negative and be a “downer”.  That doesn’t mean that some days aren’t going to be “downer” days.  But we truly must try our best to make the most of each day.  I have decided that some of us may need help getting started with the New Year and those pesky resolutions that we seem to start and never keep.

These are the kinds of things we can all do to help ourselves and each other to have a better year than the one or one’s prior.  Here is my list of resolutions for the New Year, 2017:

  1. First of all, when you start to think more positively, you will become a more positive person.  So first, and foremost start to think more positively.
  2. When  you feel that you are having an especially bad day, take the morning to rest and recuperate. Try to do at least one thing in the afternoon, that will make you feel that you have accomplished a minimum of one activity each day.  This activity may be as simple as taking a shower. When you deal with chronic illness, taking a shower can be very draining and therefore, this is an accomplishment!
  3. If you are a woman and you used to wear make up, try putting on making up once in awhile. If you are a man, then try to shave once in awhile and put on some after-shave, even if you live alone. You’ll be surprised at how different and revived it’ll make you feel.
  4. When you wake up in the morning, make a choice for yourself that this will be a “good day”. If not a “good day”; then at least try to make it a little bit better. The more we think positively, the better we will feel. This will lower Blood pressure and negative thoughts etc.
  5. whether you are with a husband, a partner or living alone, try to be more respectful of the other person or people around you. Remember that they are suffering your illness(es) as well. They are missing out when you cannot go with them to places and/or events as much as you are missing out on going. Just be mindful of how your actions cause reactions in the ones that you love.
  6. Get up and out of bed each day. Even if it is only to do a small action, such as moving onto your favorite chair instead of lying in bed all day. If you have a pet, sit with them in a different area. Give yourself different sense of scenery. You’ll see that just getting out of bed can make you feel more positive.
  7. Try each day to either watch a funny movie, read a good book or if you cannot get into this kind of commitment, then find some good articles on the internet to read. These things tend to keep our minds sharp and help with a positive mind set.  Don’t read only the “bad stuff” in the News; or articles about your illness(es).  Try to get “lost” into a fun or funny book /movie or a drama.
  8. If your memory is a bit foggy due to illness(es), try making a list. You can make a list of things that you want to accomplish in this New Year if you want to think long term. If you want to look at this in a shorter time frame then make a list each day, of things that you want to accomplish during that 24 hours. Check off things as you do them.
  9. Try to learn at least one new skill this year. There are so many things to do and many that we can do even if we are not feeling very well.  There are things to do that pass the time, which are more positive.  Some examples of  larger scale activities or skills might be:  sewing, making jewelry, cooking,  knitting, crocheting or learning a new language.
  10. Try new activities on a smaller daily scale, such as:  the new adult coloring books, go to library or get someone to go to the library for you and sign out some magazines and read through different articles, make a scrap or memory book or organize your photos. You could even do something as small as starting a new board on Pinterest.
  11. Remember that “junk drawer” or closet that has been cluttered up all year long? Clean those out and organize and you’ll be surprised at how much better you will feel! A weight seems to be lifted when we start to organize or “de-clutter”! If you cannot do it yourself, ask for help! Many people do want to help us if we allow it.
  12. Join an organization or group that does something good for yourself and others. You could join a support group or start one for a number of different causes.
  13. Volunteer at your local humane society or animal shelter. You can do tasks as simple as petting cats and /or dogs. Give love to an animal and see how that makes you feel more energetic and positive.
  14. Volunteer to read stories to children at a day care center or at your local library. That is a “sit-down” activity that will make you feel useful and children always make us feel loved.
  15. If you cannot get out of the house, then try to do something online. Volunteer to be a patient leader and do positive activities online such as positive Meme’s on Facebook or tweeting positive affirmations for yourself and others.
  16. Make your surroundings seem new, different or better by something as big as cleaning, painting (even just a little bit each day), putting up new pictures or rearranging your furniture. Get someone to help you if you need that. On a smaller scale you can do something as simple as changing your haircut, color or paint your nails. If you are a male, you can buff up your nails, clean them and put on some clear polish to feel and be more groomed.
  17. Lastly, you can find several organizations that need you. There are many church’s, libraries and Senior centers that would love to have you come to visit even just for an hour once per week. If you cannot get out of the house, then try looking into being a Chemo-angel (you write letters or send small gifts weekly to persons going through chemo-therapy). You can start your own “sunshine” type of group and send letters to those who are feeling ill just like you and me. When you do something for others, it helps your own Psychological and physical health.

Above I have given you 17 “New Year’s Activities” for 2017.  If you can force yourself to get up each day, get out of bed and cleanse your body and your soul; you will be one step closer to feeling more positive.  If at all possible, do something each day that makes that day just a bit brighter.  If each day is similar and we do all of the same mundane things, then we will get into a “rut”.  Get out of your “rut” and think of someone else. You will be amazed at how good you’ll feel just by giving some of yourself to someone else’s cause. There are many excuses for not doing, going or getting out of bed. So many of us have chronic daily pain that make it difficult. I understand that because I am one of these people. But I have found that by joining organization(s) in which I have control of how much or how little I have to contribute daily; I can lower my pain if only for a few moments or hours.  By giving of myself and helping others who are also in pain, I can do so many things! What I’m trying to explain is that these things pass the time. The days can become so long when we leave ourselves alone and vulnerable to our own thoughts.  Keep your thoughts as upbeat as possible. You’ll be surprised at how much more energy you have when you are positive. It takes more energy to be negative and many more muscles to frown than to smile. Make someone else smile and you will be a happier person.

I don’t mean that you have to do something every single hour of every day. Of course we all need some down time. We need our naps & restful periods to regroup,recoup and revive ourselves! Have a Blessed New Year and I will be praying and hoping that you have a healthier, more positive 2017! When all else fails, put on some headphones, turn down the lights and listen to your favorite music! See you in the New Year!

Living Beyond Your Illness


Hello Luvs,

IF you haven’t read any of my blog before, you won’t know that I always start out my blog with “Hello Luvs”.  I had meant to write this long ago, but time gets away from all of us, so today the phone was on mute and the kitty was lying in her spot with me in the same room and it seemed a good time to write about this.  We can all get down and sad sometimes, even depressed.  I mean, having a chronic illness, or a list of chronic pain illnesses can get pretty monotonous to say the least! If you let yourself get in a “rut”, then you will panic and be sad and “down” and things only get worse from there. You can try to join a support group or make friends that share some of your illnesses. But you really must be careful in that as well. All things are good in moderation, is what someone used to say, right? I cannot for the life of me, remember who said that originally, but I know my mother said it to me many times.  She said “we need water to survive, but even too much water can kill you”. She was right.  Sometimes when we join groups and make friends who have the same or similar issues or illnesses as we have, things can get a bit “strange” at times. It may be a good thing but you just need to be careful as some people try to compare themselves to each other, see who is the sicker one, who is worse or better? Things like that! It is sad but true. The more and more that I work with groups for the past 7 years and with awareness events, projects and people in pain, like myself, I have seem it all.  Sometimes the people do the things they do to make themselves feel better, and that’s not all bad either! It’s great to make yourself feel better by doing something to help others. But when you do it for accolades, applause, gifts, patting yourself on the back or for someone patting you on the back, then it becomes a bad “game” of people hurting people instead of people helping people.

In my life, I first got approved for SSDI in 1998, due to CKDII and PTSD. They had called us the day before my scheduled Dr’s appointment with the SSDI office Dr’s, I’m guessing? They told my husband that they received all of the information from my team of Dr’s. They told him that “she doesn’t need to come tomorrow to see our physicians. She’s been through enough. After reading her history and stories from several of her physicians and Psychologist; we’ve decided that we don’t want to put her through having to tell her story even one more time! She is approved”! I was crying, I was so happy. The reason being, that when I have to go to a new Dr or a “scary” situation (due to the PTSD), I do get stomach aches and diarrhea and even vomiting!  I didn’t want to feel “judged” or ridiculed or afraid again. So that one thing, I did not have to do and I was so greatful for the “gift” of not having to be “sick” through all of the poking, prodding and questions.

As time went on, I ended up getting into a motor vehicle accident, just before I was thinking of trying to return to work maybe even part time? But the MVA just took that notion and threw it out the window!  I will make a very long story, very short. Because this writing is about getting “BEYOND” the illness and pain. I will just say that I suffered and still do suffer from many issues and injuries following that MVA, when a man ran through a red light and not only totaled our car but my body and my brain as well. You might say that my brain “seems great”. I am writing to you and all seems just fine! Not so much! I have suffered since that time from the aftermath of 8 surgeries, screws in my shoulders, both knees damaged, 2 pacemakers, a stroke or CVA and  a heart attack in ’05. I acquired an auto immune disease called “Combined Immune Deficiency Disease”, along with a Neuro-autoimmune disease called “CRPS” (sometimes called “RSD) and also known as “Complex Regional Pain Syndrome”. Mine went systemic or “full body” following my 2nd pacemaker surgery in 2013. The wonderful Neuro-Cardiologist at Univ. of Toledo Med Ctr. tried with all of his might to head off a full body attack of the CRPS inside of me. He did a “internal Bipvucaine surgical wash” and it was because as he went into my body, to replace my pacemaker, he saw that the old one had been wearing a hole right through my pectoral muscle for those past 10 years that it was inside of my chest! So he had to call other Dr’s to come and help him rebuild my Pec muscle first and then he wanted for that not to ever happen again. He tried so hard to stop a full body attack inside of me, from the CRPS. We were hopeful that he could do that as it has worked a few times in the past. But sadly for me, it did not work and I am now with CRPS “systemic and full body”.

After that surgery, which was not my last, I still had to have some jaw surgery, but that did go well. But I could have gotten depressed and given up on life. I don’t have an extended family as far as parents or siblings or Aunts, Uncles, cousins (just a few). It’s pretty much my husband, myself and our cat, Luna! We have 2 grown daughters with their husbands and 2 granddaughters with another on the way in June of 2016.  They are busy and have their own lives to live, but I’m very close to my daughters and so glad of that. Still, because I try so hard to downplay my feelings of being in pain, nobody really “gets it” except those who truly live or haved lived in the same house with me for an extended period of time. It’s hard to explain to friends and family that you are on medication for pain, but that mornings are still bad for me and the pain gets worse with each outing and the more I do. Nobody except someone with daily chronic nerve pain and more, can truly understand. It is OK though because I needed to find a way to help myself and not complain to everyone around me every minute of every day. It makes people tired to be around me if or when I do that. I learned that lesson very early on.

So I became involved in something other than thinking about myself. I became a “chemo angel”, a card angel, special assignment angel and I became a prayer angel. These are all for the same non profit org. I actually volunteer and I get daily emails of who to pray for and then I get a list of who might need a cheer up letter or card, with a small mail-able uplifting item. I get assigned a “buddy” who is going through chemo-therapy. I accept or decline the assignment and then I go from there. If it is a good “fit”, and usually it is; I accept and then I start to send a weekly letter and cheer up mail to them. I send small mail-able items, such as: magnets, book marks, tea bags and such. It is good for me and I enjoy doing it. I have a cat, as I mentioned above, her name is “Luna” but online and for chemo angel kids, she is “Angel Kitty Luna”. The stories for my assignments, which are children, they get stuff from “Angel Kitty Luna”. She writes stories about chasing bugs and jumping up at flies and swiping them with her paws. She tells of how she drinks water from the faucet and sleeps on me, her “momma”. She has exciting adventures and it makes the children smile for a few moments. That makes me happy and it takes my mind off of my own illnesses. I am not allowed to be sad or grumpy or talk about my own problems. I do not ask for nor expect, “thank you’s”. I hear back from some of my “buddy’s” and/or their families, and sometimes I never hear anything…that’s OK too.

I started to dabble in making jewelry one time when we were on an overnight trip with our daughter, who was about 18 at the time. We got some beads and elastic and just made a bracelet. Then I started to look for “awareness” beads online. I started making Awareness jewelry in earrings and bracelets. I would put them up online after I made a website and started to sell them. Then I started some fun other jewelry items as well, such as: Pet jewlery, Swarovski crystal necklace, earrings sets and just a lot of different things. People asked me to make jewelry for their wedding and wedding party. I was so excited to be doing something that I could do sometimes, at my own pace and I took no money except to replenish supplies. The money went to whichever charity the items were for, including the Humane Society.  If it was for a wedding party, then I made it their gift when at all possible.

I got involved in Bible studies when I could, but then I missed so much because they were all in the mornings or later in evenings and I couldn’t do well at either. I started making “groups” for support online and inviting everyone with any pain, or Invisible Illnesses to join. I made the groups “closed” and one is “secret” and one is just “private” and people can choose both or either one to join. I am the only administrator for the groups and it works well for me in that, this way not “too many hands in the pot”.  I don’t tolerate any drama and if I come across a post that is in any way demeaning or hurtful to anyone in any way, I remove it. I have  a couple of “pages” too. Some are ….or actually only one is for people in pain with Invisible Diseases, chronic pain and issues such as these.  The other pages that I have are for ” Angel Kitty Luna”, for helping those who’ve lost hope or who’ve been abused, also for my second love and my old career; that of ASL and Artistic Interpreting. That page is called “I Luv ASL”. I post information sometimes about different things that has to do with Deaf Culture.  Other times I post a song that I might do in ASL. I try to do an Artistic version of a top 40 song or a song to motivate people or make them feel happy.

I have a few very wonderful friends in “real life”, who truly understand or try to, when I’m unable to go someplace that we’d planned on going, for example. I try to go out to dinner once in awhile with my husband and these good friends. We have a really nice time, but then afterwards I’m pretty much exhausted and in pain. Same with putting some quality time into being with my lovely oldest daughter who lives only blocks away. We do something several times per week, but only for an hour to two at most.  Then the rest of the day I’m exhausted and in pain. But it is worth it because  I get to spend time with our granddaughters and daughter. On weekends we try whenever possible to visit our other daughter and son in law, who are due to have a baby girl, Kiera, in June of 2016 maybe once a month or so?

I have been a mentor for since about 2008, after having a mentor from them for a year after my diagnosis. It helped me so much to have someone who understood and could answer my questions and knew what I was going through. Now I try to do it back whenever they need my help. I feel like the Orsini family is my family too. I’ve become an Advocate for those in Pain, chronic pain and with Invisible disabilities. I’ve helped the I.D.A. by doing a feature commercial for them a couple of years ago. I write to try and give people idea and information. I love blogging and helping others. I do try to help other pain org. also at times when they might need me to write something. I have tried to be a health activist by writing for Pain News Network as a guest columnist and I am an avid “tweeter” about CRPS and chronic pain as well.

We can live beyond our pain even though we must live with it. I don’t mean that we should “make light” of it.  We can share experiences with others and have our friends that have pain. I feel we should also get “out of that” at times and have friends and activities not involving Dr.’s and only our “sick friends”. If you don’t feel well you might try music or writing, like I do? There’s always knitting, crocheting and things with your hands if they don’t hurt too much. Some can do Yoga, that’s not a thing I can do. But you see there are Bible studies and mom’s groups and libraries, coffee shops and a whole world of things to try and keep your mind off of your pain. I honestly have full body, systemic CRPS and I have several bad pain diseases such as : Rheumatoid and Osteoarthritis, Arnold Chiari malformation I, Degenerative Disc Disease with multiple herniated and bulging discs in my neck and lumbar spine with L-4/5 radiculopathy. I have Poloyneuropathy in Collagen Vascular Disease and Autonomic Neurapathy along with several heart problems and a pacemaker.  I have right long thoracic nerve injury where an 8″ span of nerve is broken and I have numbness in my hands/feet due to a CVA in 2006. I have Prinzmetal Angina which are Coronary Spasms. It’s alot and I have much pain. But the pain Dr. even told me “I cannot ever take your pain away, but I can try to make you more comfortable”. So that’s what we do. I take medications to help and I get about 2 good hours per day before I start to slide. I am unable to drive more than to just go to the corner store and get milk or eggs or something like that. So I truly know it’s not an easy thing to do.

Just try your very best to get involved in something, anything aside and outside of your pain. Try not to do something where you need a “pat on the back” or you need to “pat yourself on the back”. You don’t need to have a “title” or be a “important” or “special” person in the pain community because you ARE an IMPORTANT and SPECIAL person no matter what! Do something that makes you feel good just for you and believe me, if you can relax even for 10 minutes, it can be TV or music, a book or quiet time with your fur baby or babies. But those 10 minutes when your body and mind are relaxing will do you a world of good in your physical and mental world. Get someone to drive you if you are unable to drive and do something like a small outing even once per month. ..get out of the house if at all possible. These things will cheer you up, I promise! Lastly, find some organization, or a family that could use some kind of help that you are able to do or give?  Like I do the writing letters or even just join a prayer group at a church? Be someone who prays for others, that cannot hurt you? If you don’t have that belief, find something that you believe strongly in and participate in some way?

If we just concentrate on the pain, that is all we will have. If we just concentrate on Facebook, Twitter and/or online groups 100%, we must remember that all of these people that we associate with in the “illness themed groups” are also all fighting their own battles with pain. They can feel vulnerable, in pain and intolerable at times; when they may not mean to be that way at all! Make sure you are getting real and up to date information and double check it for yourself if you know how to use the internet. Help a group or a person in need ….you don’t need money to do that. You can do many things that you probably don’t give yourself enough credit for doing.

Know that I always have all of our lives best interest in my heart an soul and mind. I want only what is good for you and for me. I want to help and the other way to help is to “KEEP HOPE ALIVE” (my favorite slogan that I started using as a Meme and in other ways during CRPS Awareness month in 2013!!). Don’t lose hope and do not lose your temper. If you cannot sleep, that doesn’t help with pain either. Try as best you can to sleep or take a nap during the day if at all possible. Try to Live beyond the pain and use it to work for you and your life instead of against you and your life! Try to find something to make you happy and remember the best way to make yourself happy is by doing something kind for others without asking anything in return. Random acts of kindness are also free and do a lot of good for you and others. Peace to you and know that someone cares!

The Days After……

Hello Luvs,
Well, another Christmas eve and day went by without a hitch…isnt’ that what they say?? I guess that means without something awful happening, huh? It is very different around our house now, since the kids are all gone on their own. Part of me really likes it because I never really got to be “alone” on my own before. I left my parents home to marry and then when I divorced, I moved out with my 2 kids to an apartment . It was closer to my parents, my family…but I’m not sure why I moved in that direction. I really should have run the opposite direction and kept on running! But if you’ve been reading my blog along from the beginning, you will know why I just made that last statement. If not, then you might want to read some of the earlier pages, that spoke of the abuse and such. I guess I never really had “alone” time very often until now. I do enjoy it and its very soothing to have that little bit of time to reflect and to keep yourself more calm.
One thing for sure, is that Christmas will not ever be the same for me again, after this year. I know my girls were getting older and older and older. I knew one day they’d be gone and have a home of their own. Just know that this Christmas, I “ate up” every single second of the time we had together! Amy and Grant (my youngest 25 yrs and her fiance’, 27 yrs) both have their own apartments and they came for the entire Christmas eve day and they stayed for the whole evening. Grant went to sleep over for the last time at his parents house, with his younger sister, Sarah, who’s 20. Amy stayed over night at our house and in her old bedroom, now called the “guestroom”. I had made up the bed for her and set up everything very nice for her. For one more time…… in my entire lifetime, I got to feel that peace, the peace that only a parent knows and feels, when everyone is tucked in their beds at night and all feels right in the world again. But to go back a few hours….I’ll explain our day and night. I thought I could share some of our traditions with you and then maybe learn some new ones from a reader?

Amy and Grant arrived about 11:15 am on Christmas eve morning. We met them at the mall because one of our Christmas eve traditions that we have done as far back as when my girls were born, is to have lunch at one of our favorite restaurants called, “Olga’s Kitchen”. We met them there and had a nice lunch and none of us had any shopping to do, luckily. But we got a Starbuck’s coffee, only to watch all of the “Hustlers and bustlers”, with their last minute shopping. We walked around the mall for about an hour after our yummy lunch and with our “salted hot carmel Mocha” from Starbucks. Amy and I talked and Craig and Grant talked and we all had a nice Christmas eve afternoon. We left the mall to go back to our house together. Amy and Grant were so cute, they were still wide eyed and excited about Christmas so that made it fun for me as well. We decided to let Grant open his stocking stuffers from us and have Amy open her Xmas eve gifts from Craig and me. We had loads of food and “goodies” out, along with hot cider, soda, coffee and tea’s. After opening his stocking voraciously with all of the fun sound effects,jokes and amusing stories that we’ve come to expect from Grant, then Amy opened up her Christmas eve gifts from us, “Mom & Dad”. It’s really fun, by the way that since the wedding is only 3 weeks away, Grant started calling us “Mom and Dad” now…I LOVE IT!! I love kids, all ages of kids,….grown up kids, little kids, baby kids….I love them all. I wish I’d have had 10 more kids than what I had!!.
Did I mention that the fireplace was on and the stockings were hung with care? Did I mention that my little story “dad” bear was in his rocker waiting to read “twas the Night Before Christmas”? Also, the cat knew something was happening…something was very different…it was louder and more busy than what she’s used to ….she decided to hide out under the couch for most of the festivities!!. We had gone to lunch and they opened a couple of gifts, but we had planned on eating my homemade Lasagna, which has become a new tradition just recently. I’m a very good cook , but never really gave myself the chance to believe in my own cooking because I was always too afraid I’d get put down and told that “i couldn’t do it right”….so I never tried until now. I made the best Lasagna ever! Well, I’ll just tell you a little of how I made it in case you want to try…it was excellent! I put some ground sausage and ground sirloin together and sautéed it with some onions. I added some Pasta sauce called “Prego -Tomatio, Basil & Garlic”, 2 bottles of that went into the meat mixture after browning and draining it. I added a touch of seasonings to my liking and put it aside. I took the Ricotta cheese and mixed an egg into that , making it more easily “dolloped” into the dish and spread over the Lasagna noodles which was cooking in boiling water in the stove during all of this. I put a little plain sauce in bottom of the pan. Then I put the Lasagna noodles by 3’s across, one at a time into the pan. after the noodles were covering bottom of pan, I put the meat/sauce mixture into the dish on top of the noodle layer that I had there. I put a few dollops of the Ricotta cheese /egg mixture on top of the noodles, then sauce . I spread it into a nice layer but not too thin and not too thick. *(By the way, the oven should be pre heating during all of this at about 350 degrees)…I put the : Mozzarella (grated), the 5 Italian cheeses (grated) and the Parmesean(grated) on top of that layer and then another layer of noodles. You do that in layers just like I said, until everything is gone. You save the last meat/sauce mixture for the top and then some added cheese as well. You cover it lightly so the cheese does not touch the Foil and you put it in the 350 oven for about 35 minutes. Then you take the top off, the foil and throw that out, while leaving the Lasagna in the oven for 15 more minutes. It is the most excellent Lasagna ever! I actually got the recipe from my bff, Marge! Thanks Marge!!
We ate the Lasagna after going to church service at 4:30. I had forgotten that part. We were planning on going to the candle light service at 6:00 pm at the church near our house. But we would’ve had to have eaten the Lasagna early at about 4:30 and left in only 45 minutes for the 6pm service, in order to get a seat. Nobody was hungry yet, because our lunch at Olga’s was so great and filling!! So we decided to switch it up and go to the children’s service at 4:30 and then eat the Lasagna when we got home after that. So that is what we did. We were nice and hungry when we got home. But we felt a little bit less than fulfilled with that church service. Now , we knew it was geared for children and we don’t mind “funny” , “fun” and/or “dumb”, but it was just very boring, only 20 minutes long and the minister was not talking at all to the adults. It was definitely a children’s service but I’m thinking the adults were not supposed to get anything out of it. Somehow that doesn’t seem right? Everyone should feel something about Christmas services? The Mary was an older girl and they made her pregnant and the boy was very young and didnt know his lines well and then “mary” kept on calling him “Joe”…it was not very thought provoking or “Feeling”…It was more like comedy and I dont prefer that especially on Christmas. There were no songs or bells or anything that made it feel like Christmas around there. My daughter had a great idea….when we got home and we were eating our traditional “S’mores”, she decided that we should try to go to church again that night. I mean, it it Jesus’ birthday after all?? We didn’t feel like we’d even gone to church….so we would watch most of the movie “The Holiday” and drink cocoa or hot coffee/flavored, and eat some of the goodies that I’d made with Craig. Then we went to the 9pm church service near our home and it was Awesome!! It was beautiful and there was the gorgeously decorated church and the lights and the choir and the bell choir!!! It was great and we enjoyed the service and the Homily and the people …just everything made us all feel more like the way going to church is supposed to make you feel.
After church, Grant came back to our home again and we gave him all of his presents and we gave Sutton’s presents to Amy to open and they gave us their presents to us!!! It was awesome and fun and a wonderful memorable Christmas eve. But it was about 11:30 and the kids had a long day the next day, with Grant’s family. So Grant went back to his parents house to sleep over for the last time and wake up with his sister and parents for Christmas morning! Craig and I woke up with Amy and Luna was there of course. We turned on the Christmas music, I wore my Santa hat and I started the hot tea. Amy went straight to her stocking and then we all had our tea and opened the gifts from Santa. We had a great breakfast of pancakes, bacon and juice, with hot tea. Then after dishes were cleaned up, Amy had to go and get ready to spend the day at Grant’s Uncle and Aunts house with Grant’s sister and Parents as well. Craig, Luna and I had a quiet and nice Christmas day, but I never got out of my Christmas nightie! It has reindeer on front and its from “Eddie Bauer”…it’s so cute. I wore the Santa hat, made coffee in my Keurig with my new special hot mug! I played with Luna, got some love from her and then Craig and I watched some Christmas movies and I got my loving from him too! It was quiet, but it can be whatever you make it. I could have chosen to be sad, depressed and to have felt bored and /or lonely that day. Some people may have felt that way, if they’d had my Christmas day. I CHOSE to relax, enjoy the Christmas music int he background, read a bit, play on my iPad awhile and hang out with my favorite kitty, Luna and my favorite Hubby, Craig! All in all we had a good Christmas. I feel like next year may be a little bit harder because it may be the first time since 1986, that I won’t be waking up in the morning with children in the house…big or little “children”…they’re still my children to me.
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Most of life is like like that you know. Bad things can happen to us and they do, all the time. But how you deal with those bad things, that is the key in this life. If you choose to be sad then you’ll be depressed and you won’t be able to ever enjoy anything. If all you do is complain about it all, then you will alienate the people who may want to spend time with you, but not when you are like that. If you choose to just be “down in the dumps” then you will not have any fun. You have to make your own fun! You can play game, watch a movie, listen to music. I found that throughout these holidays, I would play my IPOD on the Ihome speakers. I loved listening to the Christmas music this past month. I enjoyed it immensely and we put it on each morning. Sometimes we even dance slowly together in our living room. I married my best friend. I”m so lucky……who knows what next year will bring??? Maybe my now 10 year Christmas “miracle wish” will come true next year?? I had so hoped it would this Christmas, but no such luck….We still had an excellent Christmas time…and now…I have New Year’s Eve to look forward to! We are meeting 2 other couples for Dinner and then they are all coming back to our house for games, food/dessert, and to watch “the ball drop” on “New Year’s Rockin Eve…..its not the same without Dick Clark, but they still do a good job!!
This holiday is such a whirlwind; because after the New year’s festivities are finished, we then have only a few days until my Sleep study, which is on Friday night at 9pm and I have to stay until Saturday morning at 6:00 am. I guess I dont breath when I sleep and you can die or it can really hurt your heart worse or since I’ve already suffered a CVA (stroke), I could have another one because of course, it’s never good to stop breathing when you sleep! After this study is done, I will go home and set up for my daughter’s Wedding shower that I am giving her at my house! All of the women from the wedding are coming over at 2pm and we are having a beautiful shower for her!!! She’ll have a pretty corsage and a pretty dress! She will be treated like the Princess she is for the day!! She will be a most beautiful bride on January 11th 2014! I cannot wait to have a son who loves me and who treats me really great!! That goes really well with the daughter who loves me and treats me great…Thank you for reading and I hope you’ve enjoyed me sharing my holiday with you today….br />20131230-173422.jpg<

Oh….and one last thing that I must mention is that as you know, I am a chronic pain paitient. I have full body CRPS and I have CKDII and Dysautonomia/POTS/NCS, along with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Immune disease deficiency, a pacemaker, Osteoarthritis and much more. But I didn’t let all of that pain stop me from having as much fun as my “Pained” body would allow me to have. I guess you could say that I took my emergency medications for just these kinds of special ocasions. I planned and napped and just put it into my head that I was going to have a nice time. No doom and gloom, just smiles and fun…but no fakeness..thats’ not what I mean either…I just had to really put myself into another state of mind, even if I’ve had to “pay” for it the few days and still today since Christmas, it was and is still worth it….thanks so much and please come back again…Suzanne<


From The Mouth of A Fur Baby

Hello all,
Hey to all of my furriends here on Catster…sorry I’ve not been around so much lately. Mommy is still not doing so well since February when she had the heart surgery…she’s just tired alot and not feeling so great. She’s a good mommy and she tries hard to be everything I need and want …but I just want to be me with my own personality and my own quirks. When mommy and daddy got me they actually got me because their daughter who is 25 has her own apartment and another kitty named “Sutton”. They all love Sutton, she is “fixed” and she is a good kitty and mommy’s daughter thought that she’d get another kitty (me) to keep Sutton company . But when I went there after the foster home, I didnt’ like it so much. I was stuck in the bathroom for a few days and I felt lonely and worried about what was going on for me in life. I was let out of the bathroom for times and then Sutton would be put in the laundry room for awhile while I sniffed out the place and played awhile…then we went back to our own spaces again…just until we could get used to each other. But Sut-Sut never got used to me and started worrying , not grooming, not eating and whenever we got put together to try and be introduced; we both got upset and started clawing at eachother and hissing…
We did not like each other and it just was not gonna work and mommy’s daughter was going to have to take me back to my foster mom’s home. But my mommy intervened and she told her daughter to bring me to her house and they would take me as they fur baby and be my family. I was really cute and I didnt want to be alone in a room downstairs that first night and I jumped up the basement stairs and over the 1/2 door and into the living room! I made a big sound and they wondered what happened!! I made them so surprised and they were laughing so hard and I was instantly allowed upstairs with them and trusted.
OK…so you all know my trials and stories and eveything we’ve been through together, right? You know how my mommy used to say that she had hoped that I would be “cuddly” and everyone said to give me time? Mommy had hoped for company and love and companionship. She is in pain all of the time with a nerve disease and doesn’t feel too good and she just wanted something to love and be loved. (*On a side note mommy has an abusive family and she has to stay away from them to be safe…she also lost her oldest daughter 9 yrs ago )…. She feels like she could use some unconditional love like the love only fur babies can give…but not me…so far I’m not capable of this. Mommy knows that kitties are sometimes loners or we want things our own way….You know my mommy loves me and you can see by all the pictures she takes of me that I’m so important in their lives. I’m so smart and cute and funny…but mommy is sad because I never want anything except to sleep and play (playing is harder for her but she’s a good sport and still plays with me a lot). I’m funny to watch but I’m not any company really. You see….Mommy & Daddy.. they both are allergic and think that having 2 cats would be “pushing it. Mommy and daddy’s allergies are in check just by taking a pill daily so thats good and with me, they are doing OK with it and that is wonderful. But two kitty’s might be pushing it a bit much and mommy’s has asthma as well (which is also doing good at the moment).
Mommy keeps saying that in time things will be better, that I’ll get used to everything, that I’ll be better, less skittish etc. Daddys starting to get upset because mommy is sad quite often about the whole thing. Daddy keeps saying that they should let the foster mommy come back and bring me to her house because she said I could come back to her house any time forever. Mommy loves me so much and daddy does as well, but the only thing that they do is clean out my litter box and feed me and play with me. I won’t let mommy (or anyone) hold me, I won’t sit with her, I won’t sit next to her, I won’t sleep with her, she cannot hold me! I stay in one room of the house most of the time and they are always in the TV room. I used to sleep with mommy but haven’t in about a month and now I sleep up on the mantle over the fireplace or I also sleep in the rocking chair in the room upstairs, the spare room. You see, right now its Sat. night…daddy and mommy are watching TV and playing on their Ipads…I’m upstairs by myself in the computer room in a chair. I used to greet them in the morning if there was a night that went by and I didnt want to sleep next to mommy. I would at least be head butting and meowing and happy to see them and get them up. Now I just keep going backwards 5 steps and forward one step!!
I won’t drink water from my bowl…not any bowl…only from the faucet….I want mommy to pet me while i eat or sometimes i wont eat…the only thing that I do that shows any kind of affection whatsoever, is sometimes I’ ll fall down onto my side like “plop” and want to be petted…but only for a few moments or then I start swiping my claws at them. I don’t get excited to see them or even get up off of my perch when either of them come home….Mommy’s friends who are in a support group for pain patients, they have kitties and their kitties lay down in the bed with them for the most part when they don’t feel good throughout the day. I don’t care if mommy doesn’t feel good and I stay in another room ….
Mommy and daddy are so sad …especially mommy. She /they know that animals are not “disposable” creatures that can be “traded” as the cat behaviorist has suggested when mommy talked to one at the humane society where I used to live. She said that if mommy isn’t happy and it’s been so long, about 8 /9 months now and I’m just not that “into them”..that they should take me back to my foster mommy who doesn’t mind taking me back at all! She told them that they could for sure find mommy a loveable lap cat that would possibly fit in at this house and with this family since I don’t really seem to do anything here except keep to myself and I like it that way. Mommy is afraid to hurt my feelings or afraid to do anything except just keep me here with them, with her. She said they should try a dog or another cat and just let me be who I am and leave it at that…but daddy says that thats not an option…..because of his allergies being worse, he only wants one animal and he has to do the laundry, housework, and lawn work and everything pretty much …already…Because mommy has several health issues its alot on his shoulders. He is a full time teacher and has been for 36 years as well….it’s just hard and they know they could do it and welcome it and not mind at all…but they just want me to give some kind of sign of love and affection. I mean, I hate seeing mommy unhappy because of me….she is sad quite often and she has enough to be sad about daddy says, without me being a part of it. I was supposed to be part of the family and their lives and love and be loved…it’s hard because I’m not like that and I’ve been here 9 mos almost.
Lastly, you know…mommy and daddy had they picked out their own family fur baby, they’d have chosen one with a history of being loving and a lap cat and such…but their daughter brought me home and that didnt’ work out with her kitty and me. We didnt like each other at all. Remember, she was going to take me right back after a week, to the foster mommy…but my mommy now didnt want that to happen and she said they would try to take me and see how it goes….it’s been all this time and I’m getting more and more apart from them/her and instead of closer…..any suggestions will be so hoped for… but mommy cannot handle anymore hurtfulness because there are so many abusers in her life that she’s trying hard to keep at bay…thank you all for being warm, caring and understanding…, Luna …purrrssss20130922-002207.jpg20130922-002224.jpg