Withdrawals And One Week Fentanyl Lollipop Free !!


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Hello Luvs,

Wow…One week has passed….and I have been free of the Fentanyl Lollipops for 7 days now!

I would say that growing up in an abusive home was horrendous. Being robbed at gunpoint at the age of 11 years; in a shoe store with my family, was just terrifying. I also think that  getting married, being abused and getting remarried all the while being abused even worse, was pretty challenging. I didn’t know what “challenging” was though, until I had to flee the marital home with my two baby girls; along with help from the domestic violence shelters. My little girls  were only 3 and 5 1/2 and I was 30 years old. Later I was diagnosed with PTSD and “Battered Woman’s Syndrome” and found some solace in trusted Psychologist whom I still know to this day. I had felt that battling Anorexia & depression on and off since the age of 17 until I cured myself following a horrible motor vehicle accident in 2002; was brave and courageous. Having gone through Acute renal failure, being robbed again in 2013 and being involved in 2 Motor vehicle accidents, through no fault of my own, I thought I didn’t exactly have such an “easy” life. The second MVA in 2002, I suffered numerous injuries and multiple surgeries; including several pieces of hardware placed in a few different parts of my body. I’m on my second pacemaker, the first being “a piece of cake”. Meaning that the second pacemaker surgery in 2013, did not go quite as planned. After getting into my chest, the Neuro-Cardiologist found out that the 1st pacemaker had worn a hole right through my pectoral muscle. Then not only did I need a new pacemaker, but the 45 minute to an hour surgery turned into a 3 hour ordeal in which my whole left pectoral muscle had to be rebuilt. The team was smart and did research on RSD/CRPS, a Neuro-autoimmune disease that I ended up getting after my 7th surgery.  It was the surgery on my right foot in 2007, in which the horribly painful nerve disease started. It spread and it spread until it went systemic following that major open surgery in 2013. I even endured a CVA and a mild heart attack in between the 10 surgeries following that MVA in 2002. I suffer from an MTBI (mild traumatic brain injury) and went through 3 years of TBI rehabilitation to learn how to cope with:  not being able to cook when nobody is home (because I may leave burners on and hurt my family or myself), not being able to comprehend what I read anymore after having been a College graduate with a 3.9 GPA! I had to learn how to live with leg braces, hearing aids, special prism glasses, balance issues, much less concentration capabilities and just about zero short term memory!  The worst of these being the chronic nerve pain and all of the pain following those years and still to this day.

I went to a pain Dr. for 3 years and he did everything from epidural nerve blocks to trigger point injections and biofeedback along with pain Psychology appointments. I was so happy when I read the notes from the pain Psychologist’s because they wrote that I was not an “addictive personality”. I never drank, smoked, did any drugs….prescription or otherwise! I was one of those “good girls” who had always tried to be “teachers pet” and get a 4.0 GPA and still try to get “extra credit”. Of course I’m a “type A” personality person who likes to do things the right way the first time if at all possible. I always did my best at everything I endeavored. I made alot of mistakes but always came back and tried again, while pulling up myself by the “bootstraps”.

The chronic intractable pain that has gone along with all of my injuries and surgeries since 2002 and then the diagnosis of CRPS in 2007; and later the shock of getting the “full body/systemic CRPS” has been traumatic to say the least. I was always very cooperative and followed whatever the Dr’s told me to do. I trusted again and again and again; when most people would’ve given up long ago, I just kept believing in the “goodness” of people or at least trying to find some good in all people. If you’ve been following along at all, you’ll know that I met Dr. Bullach, my GP for 12 years, in 2002 during a hospital stay following that MVA.  I was in there for pain control and met the pain Dr at the same time. I trusted him right away and thought he was a kind and “teddy bear-ish” type of personality.  He told me that I “could trust him” and that “he would be the eye in the middle of my storm”. He said he would help me and cooridinate specialists and take care of all of my medications etc. He told me “not to worry”.  We tried every medication under the sun, it seemed.  Everything either made me deathly ill, very sick or I was allergic to it! By the time we were finished and had found one thing that finally worked for my kind of pain, there was something of a “book” of all the meds that I had tried and which had failed for me.

Finally, I tried the Fentanyl patches and they made me nauseous and really “loopy”. I went ahead and tried them again because I just felt that a patch was so easy and you didn’t have to think about it all the time, many times per day etc. It finally helped to relieve my pain. I had a hospital bed in my home because I couldn’t even get in and out of bed or get any sleep due to the amount of pain I was living with at the time. I had been offered a “pain pump” that they fill with morphine, by the pain Dr. ….but the auto insurance was fighting me so much and I just didn’t have a whole lot of “fight” left at that time. I also already had 2 screws in my right shoulder, a jaw implant and had a pacemaker! I didn’t want anymore “things” put into my body. Especially not something with a catheter that would’ve been stuck into my spine that had multiple herniates and bulging disks, degenerative disk disease and Scoliosis.  Luckily I didn’t get the pain pump because later we found out that I suffer from Hypogammaglobulinemia, a blood disease that means I have an immune deficiency in my IGG, IGA subsets of white blood cells. I could have become paralyzed and could have gotten numerous infections had I allowed that pump to be placed. I made the right decision for me and today I’m so glad that I did.

So I had been in a “pain pump” support group, just to find out information for myself about the pumps and to make friends with the same kind of pain issues that I suffer from. Everyone was so kind and many were knowledgeable. Some of the people mentioned these “pain lollipops”. They said that they helped a lot and very quickly for the terrible nerve pain. I checked in with my GP, Dr. Bullach about them and he started me on them right away. That was in 2005, after I’d finished treatment with the pain Dr.and he’d put me back in the hands of my GP.  He told me that because I didn’t want a pain pump and I was going to go the medication route for my pain, that it’d be better for me to be in the care of my GP. He agreed that Dr. Bullach would prescribe the pain meds. He told me that my Dr. could consult with him at any time and he would help.  He also agreed that it was better for him this way because he was “looked at under a microscope” and didn’t like prescribing pain meds.

These experiences were all difficult, painful, scarey and life altering; but nothing prepared me for what I’ve gone through this past week with the withdrawals from the Fentanyl lollipops.  I’d been prescribed them and had been taking these for the past 10 or 11 years! Time just kept passing and the regimen was working; although I asked many many times over especially the past 3 years to get taken “way down” from the amount I’d been taking of the pain suckers. Dr. Bullach just kept on telling me to “trust him” and that he “was the eye in the middle of my storm”.  He told me that he’d “gotten me out of that hospital bed in my home”!  He reminded me that I was able to at least get out and do a little bit more than I had been before the lollipops. So I trusted him; though I still continued to ask him to slowly take me down because I felt that I was falling so often (6 times in 2014 and 6 concussions!!!) and though I have balance issues, I thought in the back of my head that maybe it was partially the fault of the meds? I never even took an Aspirin for headaches in the past, prior to this car accident and the injuries from it. Now I was wearing 2 patches of Fentanyl and taking sometimes approximately up to 20 or + lollipops daily to control my CRPS and the other pain issues. I had even woken a “sleeping monster” in that MVA in 2002! I had been born with “Arnold Chiari I malformation”. It showed up on the MRI after the MVA. It is a congenital defect in which the tonsils at the base of my brain stem get swollen and do not fit correctly into the spinal cord column, causing great pain for some people and others never know they have it! It all depends on many issues and variations. The horrible whiplash being my 2nd one and then the MTBI, “woke up” the sleeping congenital defect. Hence, another horrible pain issue to where I cannot even hold my head up for long periods of time without causing great pain.

So as you’ve probably been reading my past few posts, you know that my GP just abruptly left in December 2014. Without any feeling, caring or the tenderness I’d seen before in his eyes; he just told me he was leaving and that that appointment would be my last one with him. He promised he’d talk to the pain Dr. that knew me. He assured me that my treatment would be and stay the same as it had been because it was working! He promised also to send my records to the pain Dr and to personally talk to him on my behalf. I had received a letter from my health insurance company, stating that they “would no longer pay for the Fentanyl lollipops for pain after March 11, 2015, unless a pain Dr. agreed with Dr. Bullach’s treatment plan.” He told me not to worry about a thing and again to “trust him”. Well, as you know, none of that ever happened and the Dr. who took over for Dr. Bullach’s patients got left with a “mess”. He could not handle the volume of patients on top of his own, especially the amount of “pain patients” that Dr. B. had accumulated!! Luckily for me, I’d been a patient in that office since 1986, and had a history with that other Dr. as well. He reluctantly helped me get the pain lollipops and patches, but was swift to inform me that he was not going to be prescribing the amount that I’d been taking under the other Dr.

I was afraid, but I was motivated. I have been through so much, but it has made me a strong woman and a survivor. I took myself down from 20+ suckers daily down to only 8 in just a couple of months time. I cut my amount of the patches in half as well. I went through some hyperalgesia and some misery, but I did it! I was taking less and less as I was looking for a pain Dr. to help because the other physician in that practice didn’t feel comfortable prescribing the kind of pain meds that I needed to survive now, with all of the pain that I live with on a daily basis.

Finally, I found a nice pain Dr. and luckily I carry my records with me when I go to a new specialist. I had everything in order and I felt “safe” with him right away. He told me to finish up the pack of pain lollipops that I was taking and then  go to sleep on July 12th taking one last sucker. Then I was to wake up on the 13th of July, and never take another Fentanyl lollipop again; after 10 or 11 years of taking them, it was over! I was starting a new pain management regimen and I was fearful, but knew I could do it!  The first day was not so bad until the night time. I did crave the mental picture of having something that my brain associated with immediate pain relief!  I felt nauseous, achy all over and I was so hot, I thought I was going to spontaneously combust!! Then I’d get chills, diarrhea and started to vomit. I felt jittery and anxious and didn’t want to do anything but cry and sleep and lay on the couch! I made a video of how I was feeling at 5:00am on the 2nd day. The second day was more of the same and the third day was the worst! I did manage to go with my husband, daughter,& my 2 granddaughters to an hour or so of the kids “music in the park Wednesdays” Summer program.on the third day.  I returned home sicker than ever afterwards!  Finally, I started researching on forums and “You Tube” etc. I learned that if I took a medication called “Clonadine” aka “Catapress”, it can sometimes help with the withdrawals. I called the GP and within an hour an half, I had the Catapress in my body. It was the first thing that actually took a little bit of the edge off from the withdrawal symptoms.

The pain Dr. didn’t seem to think I’d have too much or too many symptoms because he said we were “faking out my body” by switching to a different BT pain medication….something  more safe and not made for “end of life” and “terminal” patients.with Cancer.  He told me that the pain lollipops were/are dangerous, “very dangerous”. He said that I should never have had them. So I’m not sure why my body still went through horrible withdrawals, maybe because of my many bad pain issues?  But I felt like I just was going to die and really didn’t care if I had, at that point! I’m so lucky that my husband is a teacher and he was home for me. Also, my oldest daughter lives nearby and she was a great help and has been. She even was calling several times daily and was stopping over to bring me some “Gator aide” to help my electrolytes along with my favorite food, “french fries”, to get me to eat something substantial!

Well, today it is one week and I am Fentanyl lollipop free. I’m very proud of myself for doing this without having to go anyplace and get help elsewhere. I was afraid because I had a previous heart attack and stroke and I’d had seizures following the MVA for about 6 months. All of those things can happen when going through withdrawals. I’m so very lucky that these things didn’t happen again. I don’t feel good yet. I feel very tired, heavy and I still have stomach aches and diarrhea, along with nausea and depression on and off. I think I’m over the “hump” or the worst of it. I think I will get just a little bit better each day. It’s going to be very very hard because for over 10 years I had a “quick” relief when I was on an outing or needed quick breakthrough pain relief.I have to retrain my brain and myself to just plan ahead and take what the pain Dr has prescribed for me now, about 45 minutes before I may need it. That’s not going to be easy and the new meds are feeling like they’re ripping out my tummy. People tell me that is the withdrawals and not the meds. I’m willing to see this through and keep on keeping on!

Thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you and I will certainly be keeping you posted. Thank you again…..Also, if you would like to watch my very dark (because it was middle of the night with no lights on and I was crying very much) “You Tube” videos, please email me for the link and I will give it to you. I have them not ‘private” but “unlisted” …so if you have the link from me, you will be able to watch them. There are three videos altogether right now for this experience thus far. Again, my email is: jewelrymkr@aol.com…..g’nite luvs….

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Tears Of Truth…..My Story..


pie chart of causes of traumatic brain injury
pie chart of causes of traumatic brain injury (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2013-07-01 09.23.57

      I am an Interpreter for the Deaf, that’s what I went to a 4 year university to become!  I worked at the University of  Michigan hospitals as a secretarial “float”.  I  was paged whenever a Deaf person came into the clinics, hospital or E.R. and  I  would go to them to aid communication between the Doctor and patient.  

    Then in 1998 my *(see below)*abusive family got worse when I confronted them!  Depression and anxiety set in, although,  I finally felt safe with my new husband.   I started having Flashbacks and nightmares.  I  was granted  SSDI for CKDII,& PTSD (Chronic Kidney Disease stage II and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  I was going to try and go back to work in Fall of 2002, but that plan changed abruptly on Aug 11th, 2002.   A man arguing with his wife, ran through a red light and totaled our van and  my body!   I suffered:  an MTBI *(mild traumatic brain injury) & 3 yrs of TBI *(traumatic brain injury) rehabilitation.  I was horribly injured and in so much pain!  I had been knocked unconscious for about 20-30 minutes.  I was hurt in so many places and weighing only 90 lbs didn’t help me at all!  Both of my knees and both of my shoulders were torn.   My right  biceps tendon tore right off of the bone on my  right side. My right ankle and my right foot were injured.  My ears suffered nerve hearing loss (*I now have 2 hearing aids) and my eyes suffered some nerve damage as well.  Many lower back & neck disks were/are herniated, ruptured and bulging.  As time went on I ended up with two frozen shoulders.  I went through 8 yrs of Physical therapy, 3 yrs of  TBI rehab, and underwent 9 surgeries; including  2 screws in my left shoulder and an intramuscular pacemaker, twice in 10 years now.  My first one was placed inside of my pectoral muscle because of its vulnerability inside of my chest at such a low weight.  But 10 yrs later they did plastic surgery to rebuild my pectoral muscle because the pacemaker had worn right through the muscle wall!   

   Sadly, in 2004, my 18 yr old daughter left home because of reasons I won’t write here. My heart was literally broken! I had a heart attack one week after Mother’s Day, in 2005.  The cardiologist said that I was “his first case of “Broken Heart Syndrome“…my daughters were my life and I raised them 98% on my own! I had left my ex-husband, the father of my two girls, after an 8 year abusive marriage, in which he also cheated on me  several times.  He was an abusive Sheriff’s Deputy who was fired for “hurting another girl besides me!” He was given a jury trial and found “Guilty” of “Obscene conduct” and “Indecent exposure” (which were truly lesser charges than what actually happened!) . His punishment ended up being that he can never be in law enforcement again.  He also couldn’t see our two daughters, then 31/2 & 6 years old, without a supervisor approved by the court. He was abusive towards me and to our Rottweiler, ‘Bully boy”. He pushed down our then 3 year old little girl, because she “wasn’t hurrying fast enough”.  He pounded my oldest daughter on the top of her head when she was in tears over him kicking our family dog in the head and neck, as she cried “daddy don’t hurt Bully Boy”! While hitting her on top of her head, he said “I’m the dad and I can do whatever I want”!! He left his service revolver out on top of the window sill and on the back of the toilet seat! When my youngest was 2 years old, she brought it to me saying “Mommy, what is this for?” Needless to say, they took his guns away from him and he was punished after that incident and then swearing to “shoot all of us and himself!” There’s so much more…too much to write here except for one thing that sticks out in my mind so sharply.  During the time when my ex-husband could still see our girls, before he was convicted and found “Guilty” and only allowed supervised visitation; he had taken them for the weekend. They came home and told me that “daddy had a girl in his bed”. They told me that my youngest who was then 3 years old, had vomited in the bed that they shared in the apartment he lived in, that was attached to his parents house. Our oldest, who was just 5 1/2 yrs old, went upstairs crying to him and knocking on his bedroom door. She was crying and saying that her little sister had thrown up in their bed. He told her to “shut up and leave him alone”!  She was 5 years old and had to try to take care of her sick 3-year-old sister, while trying to clean up vomit on her sister and the bed !  Needless to say, that was their last visit with him unsupervised. We had to go to the Domestic violence shelter and we had interviews with Child and Family Services. They sided with me and recommended “supervised visitation and anger management classes”.  The judge agreed with their recommendation. He was embarrassed and angry, therefore he moved 1,000 miles away barely ever seeing his daughters. He was angry and wanted “revenge” on me for “taking away his kids”.  I did not do that though;  he did it to himself and then the judge ordered it!

Atrial fibrillation
Atrial fibrillation (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  I was never ordered to do anything but I still sent him photos, invited him to public school and other events in their lives and his parents as well. I took the girls to visit his parents who lived about an hour from us, here in Michigan at least once every month and each Christmas day they went to see them from noon until 7:00pm! I even drove them to and from their home which was an hours drive from our apartment.

   Later,  in 2006, after my  heart attack, I acquired “Atrial Fibrillation” *(Atrial fibrillation is when the heart muscle quivers and shakes, spitting out little blood balls or clots which can cause strokes) and therefore ended up suffering  a CVA *(cerebellar Vascular accident) or “stroke” from the A-Fib! I had already been on blood thinners but apparently I needed a bigger dose!     It’s been since 2004, & my oldest daughter has never wanted to see me or speak to me.  In 2007, I texted her and said “I Love you and I’m thinking about you.” She called me back and asked me to meet her and we did. We met twice and had lunch, but it did not work out very well. Another time she texted my cell phone and it was 2008 or so….she texted “Suzanne, why do you think people care about you?  THEY DON’T!!”….I fell apart once again.      

    I recently had my 9th surgery this year in February 2013….a new pacemaker and a rebuild of my Pectoral muscle!  Then on August,the 5th, 2013, I’ll be having my 10th surgery, oral surgery!  I found out that my oldest daughter got married in Oct, 2009 and to the same boy she wanted to sleepover night with while still in High school.   That was the episode that led up to her leaving home, because I said “No” (that she could not have my permission to sleep over at a boy’s house while still in High School)! I also found out that I  am a Grandmother to a little girl born in Nov -2012! Her name is Olivia, and as of this month (July 2013), she is now almost 7 months old. Again….still…I am heart-broken!  All that I’ve ever wanted is to be a Momma & a Grandmother!  I was/am a good mom..my ex-husband ran away “to find himself” !  But I’m the one who stayed and raised our daughters alone.

    I’ve lost so much…but I thank God every day for what I do have : my youngest daughter, now 241/2 & living in her own appt. since August 2012!!! She graduated last Summer (’12),with her Master’s degree in”Library & Information Sciences”.  She has her own apartment. She also has a wonderful Academic Librarian job with a tenure track etc. I have had the most wonderful husband, for the past 16 years! He’s the love of my life and my soul-mate!!  He has been an elementary school teacher for 35 years and he is the best teacher and the best husband ever!

    This is my story..PTSD that continues and never seems to end because my father and brothers  still treat me in an abusive manner.   Add that  I’m in chronic intractable pain 24/7 since that MVA in 2002!  I acquired “full body” RSD/CRPS  a painful progressive Neuro-autoimmune disease, which causes burning nerve pain similar to the feeling of being “on fire”!  I have OA and 2 Rheumatologist’s have said that I have RA  *(one of them gave me an injection kit for “Humira” and wanted me to start taking injections.  Luckily I didn’t ever start taking them because I found out that I have an IGA deficiency and that RSD/CRPS is an autoimmune disease, therefore that medication could have made me much worse off!), but my PCP and I aren’t quite sure, or really don’t think so at this point! I have Myofascial Pain syndrome, Fibromyalgia (which I’ve denied for several years, but am finally coming to terms with it).  I have Dysautonomia which is  my Autonomic nervous system dysfunction or failure.  It means that all of those body systems and things that our bodies do without thinking about it, don’t work for me.  This includes: body temperature, respiration, blood pressure, digestion, sleep disturbances, memory problems, heart arrythmia’s and more.  My brain stopped telling my heart what to do, which is part of it also and one of the reasons for me needing a pacemaker!  I also suffer from POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) and NCS (Neuro-Cardiogenic Syncope), CKDII (chronic kidney disease stage II, due to tubular interstitial nephritis), Hypogammaglobulinemia ( an Immune deficiency), Sick Sinus Syndrome, Coronary Spasms, Atrial Fibrillation, MVP, TVP, (Mitral valve prolapse /tricuspid valve prolapse), Chondromalacia Patella and Patella Femoral pain syndrome, Asthma and  other diagnosis’ but just too much to keep writing for now.  

   All I pray for daily is that my oldest daughter will come back to me and to us.  I pray that one day I will get to hold and see my granddaughter, because I already love her! I am blessed with a wonderful and loving husband. Also, I have God who is my Lord and Savior and it’s because of his love that I can never give up.

**(from above…In another post, I will explain more about my life and growing up in an abusive and highly Narcissistic/abusive home, where I was starved, poisoned, weighed weekly and given punishment/reward dependent upon my weight.  I was also abused in just about every possible way by almost  everyone who was supposed to love me; and those who I was supposed to be able to trust!)

2013-06-08 02.35.10 2013-06-08 02.31.41 MY RSD/CRPSII 2013-07-01 08.42.51 2013-07-01 08.42.10

2013-06-25 02.19.13 2013-06-26 11.12.25

You ‘N Me And A Cuppa Tea


You ‘N Me And A Cuppa Tea.

This is my “other” blog….about the life of an “empty Nester”…..and a long life of Abuse and bad experiences; but how those things will NOT stop me from Loving, Living & Hoping! This blog is a “Private” blog now, out of respect for my family. But if you wish to read it, please contact me and I can add you to the “private blog readers list”.  Thank you…

On Staying Strong….


Wow…it’s been one hell of a week for me…or NO…really…One Hell of a month….or…NO…really…one Hell of a Life…..one thing after another, after another, after another…..and so on and so forth and on and on! It never seems like I can get off of this scarey “ride” called “LIFE”. Well, sure there are times when it’s more fun, less scarey. There are the good times and the bad…which are exactly the things I wanted to talk with you about today. Well, I guess I will first tell you an update on my heart surgery from the 19th of February this year, just 5 weeks ago. They treated me awesome in the Toledo University Medical Center! I’m healing well, but I don’t know if you recall that the Plastic surgeon, who was with my Neuro-Cardiologist, was there to put a special anesthesia inside of the surgical cavity where my pectoral muscle also had to be rebuilt that day. The pacemaker that was placed deep inside of that muscle, had worn right through it and had to be rebuilt. Yea…just a “little” painful…especially having RSD/CRPSII “full body”…it was /is very painful. They did a great job of keeping the RSD/CRPS at bay and not letting it get INSIDE of my body. We did not want to have me get the RSD/CRPS INSIDE of my body. So they did well! But as the weeks have been going by and if you’ve had surgery as all, you’ll remember that you usually have absolutely no feeling in the skin around the area that was where the incision is….right? That was or is my experience too! But…I’m afraid that the RSD/CRPS is doing what it does best. It is spread to my surgical skin site and now I have a burning on fire kind of a circle area of my chest that no one can touch and it’s “on fire” all of the time. It’s swollen still or more and it gets hot and reddish pink. Not good…not good…

So…do you want the “good news” or the “bad news” first? …Think about it…don’t rush….OK…You want to hear the bad news first…Well…on Monday, the 18th of March. I went out by myself for a short time, just to get out a bit. It was only my 2nd time out alone after my heart surgery. I went inside of a Panera Bread/Cafe’ and proceeded to sit down with my Ipad and my Iphone and my coffee with scones. I needed another “sugar” and so since I saw only one or two people in the whole place, I thought it’d be “OK” to go and just get a sugar packet. I came back and proceeded to “play” on my gadgets. Then about an hour later, at about 5:00 pm. I called my hubby and told him that I was coming home and “on my way”. Then I received a text message from my bank, which read ” we find unusual activity on your Master card and your debit card, please call this toll free # immediately, if you agree”. So I went to reach for my wallet and it was GONE! I looked everywhere…went back to the same register…retraced my steps….it was no where to be found! I drove home, just across the street, in a panic mode and got my hubby. We went right back to Panera and the Manager had already looked at the video from the counter service and he’d been trough the trash and dumpster! AWWWWW what a nice guy, I must say! That was going above and beyond, but he and they know me very well over there. I spend alot of time on my gadgets there. So anyways…we could not find my big fat lime green wallet. It had some money, about 14 credit cards that I never have even used and I carried them around with me!!! WHY??? I’ll never understand?? Also, I had some irreplaceable, special items that my 2 daughters had made for me when they were just 10 and 12 yrs old. I’m sad that I carried them with me, but I wanted them with me all of the time. That’s something that I can never get back, no matter what. But there is a Police and detectives now on the case and we have some good or uplifting news which I won’t divulge here, just in case my “rip off artist buddy (NOT)” somehow reads my blog…he won’t be any the wiser for how the “case” is going. …and YES….I am prosecuting! You bet I’m prosecuting….I’ve had so many bad things happen to me and then this right after a heart surgery~~~!!!!! NO WAY….This guy messed with the wrong girl!!

I wanted to add a short story to today’s post. I sometimes tell you stories from when I was young and today I have one that matches this incident, so I thought I’d share.
Well I was 11years old. My parents took me with them and my two year older brother to a “Payless She store” to purchase some Confirmation shoes for my brother’s big day!
They were looking at his shoes and I was looking at my size shoes! I was standing in one aisle and they were in another. Suddenly I heard my fathers voice saying to me “Suzanne, come here! Listen to me, I need you yo listen like never before…and come here right now!” I saw two African American men
who had my parents and brother in the back room of the she store! One of those men had a gun to my dads’ head and he yelled at me “GET IN THE BACKROOM….NOW!!! “…
I looked at him….and then I looked at my father and inside of my head, all kinds of ideas were swimming. I said to them “Is this “Candid Camera”?? If I don’t cry, I get a prize?” My father repeated for me to come to him; but in my mind I was looking at them and then I noticed the front door was straight shot and not too far away. I was thinking of running out the door but what about my family? I couldn’t leave them behind!! ( No matter who your family is or how they’ve treated you, there is still a love and a bond. Besides that, it all wasn’t always all bad all of the time!).
I couldn’t run away and the thought of that bad man shooting me as I ran, also went through my head! I went into the back room with them. My mother laid sort of on top of me because I was crying hysterically by this time. The bad men told her to “shut her up!!! Shut that girl up or I will!!” My mother tried covering my mouth as I was sobbing and by now I was vomiting too! There was another family of four back in the room with us, and a few employees too! Everyone was afraid and pretty quiet! But I was so scared and couldn’t even catch my breath because I then heard the bad men say that if they didn’t shut me up, “they” would find a way!! My mom said they were grabbing my elbows as if to try and take me with them! I cannot remember that? It all was so chaotic! Remember, I was only 11years old!!
One of the men grabbed my moms hand and tried taking off her wedding rings. My father grabbed his arm and said “Don’t you take those rings! I gave her those when she was only a teenager!”. My mother was hysterically screaming “Bill…get down!! Bill…Shut up, its only a thing!! Get down … get down!!”. While the man pointed a gun at his head and said in a loud voice Shut the “F” up or I’ll blow your “F”—ing head off!”
The man ripped the wedding rings off of my mother’s finger and she fainted right there in the floor! Ive as smothered and scared and could not breathe we’ll! My dad then turned to care for mom and her finger was purple and swollen! While the men ripped the telephones off of the walls, and said to us all “stay face down on that floor for 30 minutes”!! They were also telling all of us to stop looking at them and to look down!
Finally the store manager had some other kind of phone and he called the police! They came and spoke to all of us, including the store clerks, the manager, the other family of 4 and the four of us!
When they allowed us to leave, my mom was afraid to go straight home, for fear that they’d follow us! We went to her brother, my Uncle’s house; who lived very close .
After that I remember being a child and afraid with lots of tears!! Nobody comforted me, the 11year old girl! They comforted only my mother and she was telling them that it was “all Suz’s fault that they took my wedding rings!” She said that because she had to cover my mouth with her ring-finger hand; the wedding ring’s diamonds sparkled. The robber saw her ring sparkle because I was hysterical and she had to cover my mouth. Therefore they stole her wedding rings because of me!!
I had nightmares and I’m sure I had PTSD, and was in need of help! My parents never believed in that sort of thing! We were a “perfect family ” and as long as we appeared that way to the outside world, then it was so!!
I still remember that day clearly in my head! It all came spilling back when I got robbed this week at a cafe, and a bad man took my wallet with literally my “life ….on paper, plastic & sentimental items!!! I hope the police catch the guy! The cop was so kind to me and he said he was “tired of bad things happening to good people”! He’s trying very hard for us and we are definitely prosecuting!

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