Pondering Pain Awareness Month 2019


Hello All,

I just wanted to let you know that after a year of contemplating what I wanted to say, I wrote my thoughts about what happened between U.S. Pain Foundation & me last year in September 2018.

During my time as a very active Health/Pain Advocate, I achieved a few proud moments that I would really like to share with all of you:

1: I was awarded a “Special Tribute” from the Governor of the state of Michigan (Governor Rick Snyder) in 2016

2: I was the runner up finalist for 2013 WEGO Health “Unsung Hero” Award

3: I have over 42 published articles with the National Pain Report.

4: I was awarded the “US Pain Ambassador of the year award 2016”

5: I was certified as an in-person support group leader & ran a support group in my city for chronic pain & RSD/CRPS

6: I was accredited in a pediatric course for RSD/CRPS via AMEDCO & RSDSA

7: I was appointed to the Board of Directors for the U.S. Pain Foundation

8: I was honored in my hometown, with a Newspaper article

I didn’t do any of what I did, in order to get something in return. But these were amazing rewards after so much time went into my multiple US Pain Foundation projects, my writing, videos, Support Groups, getting proclamations & doing many many Awareness Events for USPF, RSDHope & RSDSA.

The Link to my 1 minute You Tube Video (1 minute long)

I’ve been contemplating writing my side of the story; after severing my ties with the US Pain Foundation in September 2018. I have my story written and published. For now it is Password protected. Please contact me for the password if you’d like to read it.

Below are a few photos that remind me to keep going when I sometimes feel like giving up. I am strong and so are you! We can do this together!

Protected: The Story of My Experiences With USPF


This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Tides Turning For Opioid Patients?


Hello Luvs,

This PDF was sent to me by my friend & fellow advocate, David Cole. I wanted to find a good way to share it with everyone. Please let me know if you have any problems at all with sharing it.

Thank you and I wish each of you peace, Hope, love & Light. Let’s hope that the people in Washington state will help to share their awareness with the other 49 states. I truly pray that someone who is capable and willing to help the chronic intractable & high impact pain community reads this File. I hope that someone will help us. Please start to once again take care of the sick, disabled and those living with horrible daily pain.

Please read this file about the tide starting to turn in the state of Washington for the pain community. Our voices are finally being heard. Share this everywhere far and wide with News Media & On Social Media! We deserve to live some semblance of a life; same as everyone else. We are not “less than” other people who haven’t gone through tragedy or illness. We are worth it!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/tibqrx8clichs39/Opioid-PatientsINS2019-02.pdf?dl=0

Update On Upcoming Skull-Neuro-Ear Surgery


Hello Everyone !

Above is a 37 second update from my appointment today 6-10-19. Thank you for the outpouring of love ❤️ and support! You’re the Best followers/fans/friends ever!!

**ADDENDUM: SURGERY WILL BE JULY 26, 2019** they scheduled it today…. JUST WANTED TO UPDATE YOU ALL… sending peace, hope, love & Light…

Feel free to email me: tearsoftruth@yahoo.com

Love ❤️

Suzy

Heres my Instagram post today too:
So I saw the Skull base/neuro/Ear surgeon today. I will be having the tumor removed soon. I will have a Tympanoplasty(they’ll reconstruct my eardrum using a “disc” made from cartledge & Skull fascia. This is to prevent this from returning. The 3 little bones needed for hearing are diseased. I’ll be getting possibly prosthetic bones? Also I’ll be having a “Mastoidectomy”! Removal of the diseased part of the mastoid bone. It may make my HOH/ “hearing”worse or same but must do this because if it gets into the brain it can kill me! It’s really scary! Many times people hear nothing afterwards, many times people get extreme dry mouth from damage to salivary glands during surgery. Many people get worse “white noise” or pulsating in ear after surgery. Many people get a strange taste for months or forever. They try to not injure the facial nerves by doing EMG during entire surgery, but it can happen… I’m honestly not scared of the white noise or pulsating or worse/same HoH —but I’m frightened of the brain surgery part. They say they’ll be conservative with my hair being cut but still a 2 finger radius around my ear will be cut… just wanted to update everyone. It will be in 2 months because it’s very slow growing tumor and may have been there my whole life?? But it takes time to get the 4 Drs clearances that I need and also his schedule is booked until then. Now I’m happy to have my Summer but still scared because I now have too much time to be thinking about it all!

Fear Instead Of Trust


Hello Luvs,

Sorry I’ve been quiet for a little while. I recently went to get new hearing aids. I was so excited to get new ones after 10 + years with my old Rextons. I was awaiting new insurance after my husband retired.

I went to see the audiologist & afterwards she asked if I’d be willing to see the nurse practitioner. I agreed, & afterwards they told me that I needed a CT scan because my hearing had declined so much more on the right side. They set up an appointment with their ENT Dr., the day after we returned from visiting our daughter, son in law & grand babies. I was a bit curious as to WHY they were telling me to come the day after I got home? I would be in pain and exhausted. But it never entered my mind what I would find out next!

So, when we were in Texas, I got an email message telling me that my CT results were available in the hospital’s portal. I know there’s a disclaimer stating that “you can find out things about the gender of your baby, HIV or other illnesses, even cancer”. In other words, do not look if you don’t want to know until you’re sitting with a Doctor.

But I’ve been through a car accident, deafness, multiple chronic pain illnesses & approximately 9 surgeries just since that accident. I can handle it, right? It can’t be bad if they already put it in the portal…can it?

It’s not bad…. it’s worse than that. I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life! I don’t even know how to verbalize my fear this time. There’s no way around it. I can’t go over or under it. I am being forced to go through it. I’ve been diagnosed with a Cholesteatoma. If you see the #cholestatoma or #cholesteatomasucks on Instagram, it looks like a horror movie. I’m not kidding! It’s really terrifying and people get these horrible skull base surgeries. Facial nerves, worsening deafness and brains are involved.

I found out that I have to have my hair shaved on the right side above my ear. My mastoid bone is affected; as are the 3 bones needed for any hearing. My skull will be drilled and after a 3-4+ hour surgery and more pain on top of my full body RSD/CRPS & other high pain illnesses; it has a 50% chance of coming back!

Anyways, I’ll write another post after I process what will happen tomorrow morning 6-10-19. I’m seeing a skull base/neuro/ear surgeon at 8:30 am tomorrow/Monday morning. I’ll get my questions answered, I hope? Will he be kind and compassionate? Will he help my post-op pain?

I saw my pain Dr. this past Thursday. I also saw my GP this week. The GP was so kind and first time ever, she gave me a hug. My pain Dr has turned from Dr Jekyll to Mr. Hyde over the past year. I’ve never failed a drug test or run out of meds early! I’ve never done anything wrong, yet he’s treated me less than human now for months! Before he’d even accept me as a new patient; he ordered me to stop taking my “quick acting” pain medication. It was something I’d been taking for 13 years (*my former Dr. of 12 years had prescribed it, but then one day he just vanished. That’s when I was forced to find a new Dr.).

In July 2018; he told me he was stopping my long acting pain medication… “that day”! No tapering just stopping it! I did not cry or get upset but I asked “why”? He told me “it’s illegal now and if I help you, I won’t be able to help all of those other people “!

I got him to listen a tiny bit because I reminded him of my stroke and heart attack in the past. He decided to give me one more month. He then said in a nasty tone that he was doing that “to get me psychologically ready”! Really?? It has zero to do with my psychological status and everything to do with high impact chronic pain. Of course he “covered himself” by offering me a different, long acting medication that I cannot take because of issues with Gastroparesis & not being able to metabolize a long acting oral medication. My GI Dr wrote him a letter & told him just that! The pain doctor just said, “This is bullshit! His medical license isn’t any better than mine! If he wants you to have that pain medication, let him prescribe it”! Well, of course He’s a GI doctor and he can’t!

I had my other physicians telling me that “it was unethical for my pain Dr to taper me so quickly!” They said it should have been 10% lowered at a time! But nobody was there to save me and I had to accept it and try my best to move on & keep going. I did it myself when I was told to get off of the quick acting medication. My body physically did not feel well for awhile but I never once craved it or wanted it in my mind- not ever! Then I got off of that long acting medication and once again, I did it myself! You’d think my pain Dr would respect me just a little. But instead, he’s treated me in a demeaning, disrespectful manner ever since last year in March of 2018.

I told my pain doctor that I’m going to have to have this really scary skull surgery soon. That I’m seeing a neuro/skull base/ear surgeon. He was so cold, uncaring & horrible that I truly cannot believe he’s a physician! He told me that I shouldn’t behave like I’m “too afraid” or the surgeon may refuse to take my case! That’s insane if you ask me! What high impact chronic pain patient, headed for hair shaving, painful head surgery wouldn’t be afraid? I’m literally frozen with fear inside! But I’m strong, resilient and I’ve been a survivor through childhood abuse, horrible teen years with my kids, abusive marriages and a catastrophic car accident. Since the car accident, there have been 9 surgeries, 2 pacemakers and several metal screws and implants embedded into my body.

I can do this! Right? Can I do this? Do I have a choice? What did I do that’s so terrible in my life? I have tried my best to be a good person & to help others. I’ve been a Chemo-angel since 2005. I’ve written countless letters, made numerous videos and I’ve met with & spoken to legislators regarding this fake opioid crisis! This horrible and torturous pain crisis that’s killing innocent people everywhere.

Now comes the big question, what happens with my post-op pain care? My pain Dr told me if he was my anesthesiologist, he wouldn’t give after care post-op meds because of “risk for complications”! Gosh… I’ll bet if it was his skull being drilled, he’d be asking for some pain relief medication? He acted like I was getting a hangnail removed! Anyone else who I’ve told, says “oh my goodness, that sounds scary!”

So, my friends, here we are on the eve prior to the appointment when I’ll get all of my questions answered, I hope! What do I ask? How do I ask it? Will I be judged? Will I be too complicated and will he “run”? Will he really not help me just because I’m afraid? I’m not acting out hysterically. I’m not crying in front of the Drs. But I’m deeply scared and I’m having horror flick, bloody, stabbing nightmares! I don’t even know the surgery date as if this post. But I’m pretty sure I’ll know by the time most of you read this.

I promise to let you know when it will happen. If anything happens to me, please don’t forget me, OK? I love so many of you. I’ve seen so many of my friends in pain pass away over the past few years…it’s sad and I miss them a lot (Connie, Cyndi “Maw”, Theresa, Gwen Barbara, and Dawn Anderson most recently).

I’m not being morbid, I promise I’m just afraid. I feel less strong as I get older now. I’m 57 years old and was just looking forward to enjoying retirement with my soul-mate; my husband. He retired last June and we’ve had one thing after another come up. I’d really like to take a breath and enjoy some period of time in my life, for a change. We have 4 darling grandchildren. I just want to hug them, love them and enjoy them as much as possible. Will I ever get to do that now?

Oh…. & last but not least, I told my father about this upcoming surgery. I told him that “I wanted my mom more than ever right now” (she died in 2002). He told me that through her cancer etc., there were many times she “needed things“(he was telling me that I wasn’t there for her)! Well, I’ll just share with you all that I tried prior to my catastrophic car accident, to be there for her. I showed up at the hospital even after being told “she didn’t want me there”. I got there and I was told to leave. I was the only person allowed by the nurses, to sit with her in PRE-Op for 2 hours. We had 2 hours of alone time and it was once in my life that we got along & she wanted me around, it seemed? It was very nice, actually. But then the entire duration of the surgery, I was bullied, mocked, disrespected and literally treated like scum under a sink, by my Aunt, my 2 brothers and my dad.

Please pray for me so that I can be strong like I used to be and like I usually am. I need strength and . I’m terribly frightened tonight as my fate lies in the hands of a stranger that I will meet in 7 hours or so. I have heard & seen many horror stories of pain patients like me, being denied proper post-Op pain management. That fear is probably my biggest fear of all, or in the top 3!

Oh yes, I almost forgot to tell you what my Pain Doc said before I left his office on Thursday. He told me he was “OK with me getting the 3 days of post operative pain control from the surgeon”. He told me to “not accept the post-op meds if they just give me Tylenol with codeine, because that would be like a baby aspirin for me”!

In 2013, I had a full pectoral rebuild and new pacemaker. My cardiologist was wonderful to me! Things are so different now! Im feeling like the powers that be, the government just want persons like me to be gone and out of the way. But I’m still a human being. I want to live. I want to travel even a little. I want to be a grandmother.

I promise to write a quick post as soon as I process and know what’s happening & when the surgery will be.

Thank you in advance, for any and all prayers, positive thoughts & energy sent my way.

As I await my upcoming appointment I would love to be able to sleep. But when I’m really afraid, my GI tract takes over. It’s as though I’m on “auto pilot”. I get overwhelming stomach nausea and flu-like symptoms. THATS how fearful I am feeling. I’ve tried to control it but it’s a combination of PTSD, Dysautonomia & a highly over active “fight or flight response’.

In conclusion, I have a final request: Now is NOT the time to tell me a horror stories regarding any of your past head, skull or brain surgeries. When I recover, I promise…..then I will be glad to listen, help and share etc. Also, it’s such a shame in these days of crazy & draconian policies, that we all have fear instead of trust in the entire “system”.

Sending you love and light!

Frontal lobotomy for the relief of intractable pain • CERGM


Hello Luvs,

Ohh My Goodness!!! Has our society gone completely mad now? These “sickos” may be taking us back in time to a period when people were given a Frontal lobotomy for the relief of intractable pain!! This is absolutely crazy, when a safe pill, called an “opioid” can help our chronic intractable pain patients. Who in their right mind would choose a frontal lobotomy over a safe an effective pill? The opioids that are getting a bad rap from anti-opioid zealots (read more about them, here: Anti-Opioid Zealots ), are not hurting the legitimate chronic pain patients. People who’ve been prescribed opioids for years, (a decade or even more) & have done well; are NOT addicted! Only about 1% of true chronic pain patients actually ever become “addicted” (Writer Josh Bloom, gives you statistics here: The Opioid Epidemic in 6 Charts, Designed to Deceive You ). It’s not prescription opioids that are the problem! It’s the illegal fentanyl from China & Mexico that are hurting, addicting & killing people! Addiction and dependence are two very different situations. You can find out more information about that here: Addiction & Dependence Are Not The Same

Who are the bad actors? Government, Healthcare or Patients? • CERGM
— Read on cergm.carter-brothers.com/2019/03/28/frontal-lobotomy-for-the-relief-of-intractable-pain/

Anti-Opioid Zealots


I opened up facebook to see that a person who calls herself an “investigative reporter”; doesn’t actually have a clue about the subject for which she stands upon her soapbox and spews hate and prejudice! Her hate speeches, disdain, lack of knowledge & empathy for the chronic pain community are outrageous. She also states that she’s a pastors wife! Which in a stereotypical sense, should make her more kind, loving & empathetic (on the contrary). I’m definitely not a cold or callous person. I deeply care about others & especially my fellow chronic pain patients. But I pity her in her for the way she’s unable to get help for her grief. I’m terribly and deeply sorry for anyone who’s lost someone that they love to any kind of addiction. She lost an adult child to overdose of prescription opioids. She’s made it her fight in life now, to rid the world of the “evil narcotics”. Do you think she knows that the statistics prove that only 1-3% of prescription opioids ever result in overdose?Check out this new report from the Cato Institute

It’s the illicit fentanyl and Cara-fentanyl from Mexico & China that are the problem! It’s not legitimate chronic pain patients with legitimate prescriptions from licensed pain management physicians that are to blame for this manufactured “opioid crisis”. The opioids are only a tool. Just as guns, kitchen knives and cars are all tools. These tools don’t kill people any more than opioids “kill people”! There’s a genetic link to addiction. There’s also a distinct difference between addiction and being dependent physiologically to a medication that one has taken for several years to decades. With addiction, the addict must make a conscious decision to get the meds, tell lies, keeps secrets and physically take the increasing amounts of drugs to give them a “high” or a euphoric feeling! They ruminate look at the clock, just waiting for their next fix! Chronic pain patients, for the most part; were never given the “luxury” of a choice! Most are people living the rest of their lives with high amounts of ongoing daily chronic pain; with no end in sight! The average chronic Pain patient, is living a life sentence in agony through no fault of their own! Usually an unsuccessful surgery, freak accident or a motor vehicle accident. Today we have an “under & untreated pain crisis”, with suicides from pain mounting in numbers weekly. A very knowledgeable and vocal physician and chronic pain patient advocate, Dr Thomas Kline, MD, has kept a record of these rising number of suicides.

Chronic pain is in fact a disease; as explained in this article in Health Magazine (February 2016) and in many other news articles. It’s Origin is Neurological. Scientists now believe that one cause of chronic pain is a dysfunction of the nervous system & includes the misfiring of nerve signals long after an accident or injury. According to this article: http://amp.timeinc.net/health/health/condition-article/0,,20187942,00.html, Neurons (cells in the nervous system that communicate with each other) become overexcited and keep firing, even after the original cause (injury or illness, in some cases) has long since passed. The person receives persistent pain signals.

If I may be so bold as to speak for the majority of the chronic pain community, we are not insensitive or calloused persons. In fact, I’ve never met a more caring, empathetic group of citizens. We care very much that people have lost their family members to the disease of addiction. We grieve for their loss of lives and love.

But we are grieving too! We have had so many deaths due to either suicide, untreated or under treated chronic pain since the CDC Guidelines appeared in 2016. Read this: Article by Dr Jeffrey Singer MD, Cato Institute. Dr Singer states that, “patients have become the civilian casualties of the misguided policies addressing the opioid crisis.” These “guidelines”have somehow become “law” to the majority of anti-opioid zealots; along with many physicians and pharmacists!

I wrote to the CDC and if you look at their response to my letter here(*& in photo below) A Response letter sent to me, from Exec Secretary of CDC, they state that “the CDC Guidelines are not meant to be rule, regulation or law. It’s not intended to deny access to opioid pain medications as an option for pain management”. I also agree that nobody should be denied pain care. That these are just supposed to be nothing more than guidelines. They weren’t meant to become the Law!!

Now there are admissions of the over fabrication of statistics by the CDC. Also, the AMA has come out with their own resolutions to these Draconian CDC Guidelines. You can find what they’ve written in this article by The Pain News Network https://www.painnewsnetwork.org/stories/2018/11/14/ama-calls-for-misapplication-of-cdc-opioid-guideline-to-end

This person calls herself an investigative reporter. People like her feel that because they have an audience & a platform; that they can stand on their soapbox and spew misinformation and hatred due to unresolved feelings of loss and grief! But they are just plain wrong!

When I opened up Facebook to try and reason with her. To attempt to discuss and/or debate like adults; I found that her page was blocked from any comments or discussions. That’s when you know you’re on the side of light and good. When you’re willing to discuss hard subjects in a civilized manner. But when discussions are cut out and blocked; that’s when we know that a person just wants to pontificate and spew hate!

Lastly, I wanted to add that this person should be in violation of the ADA, for her written comments regarding Cindy Steinberg. She made derogatory remarks about Cindy, a very well known pain patient advocate and friend of mine! I don’t think she is allowed to say the things that she said about Cindy supposedly being “theatrical” because she used a cot in between her statements regarding the opioid hysteria. This reporter even went so far as to say that Cindy was “laying in her her cot while testifying to Congress.”! Gee, I saw the video and it sure appears that she’s sitting in a seat discussing the situation in an intelligent manner. Here is part of Cindy Steinberg’s message:

“In the near term, we can and must restore balance to opioid prescribing with depoliticized, rational and cleareyed recognition of the risks and benefits of these medications,” she said, according to her prepared remarks. “In the long term, we must invest in the discovery of new, effective, and safer options for people living with pain.”

What’s wrong with that message? How could any sane person find something incorrect or one-sided, with that direct quote”. On the contrary, Cindy spoke intelligently! She discussed ways to help end opioid hysteria and the under-treated/untreated pain crisis today!

Lastly, if this one-sided, so called “investigative reporter”, would share an ounce of the truth with her readers; she’d have not lied about Cindy “laying in a cot while testifying to Congress”. Cindy, as you can see from the video of her testimony, is sitting upright in a chair as she speaks to Congress. But would there have been a problem if she had been in a cot while testifying? NBC & this reporter could very well be violating the Americans with Disabilities Act? In what world is mocking a disabled person OK? Isn’t there an ADA law that calls for accommodating persons with a disability?

Below is a photo from a portion of the return response letter that I received from the Executive Secretary of the CDC:

Here are some great resources for those who are skeptical of my words here today:

  • ALSO: Here are a couple of articles written by the person being referred to in my article today:
  • Lastly, I just want to add (so that I an not accused of being a “mouthpiece” for the USPF) that I resigned from the US Pain Foundation in September 2018; after only 8 months as a Board Member & 3 1/2 years as a volunteer Ambassador. I was planning on staying to try and help them rebuild. But the moment that I felt my integrity was challenged, I resigned.