Tag: sad

Trauma Resurfaces The Pain of Yesterday!

Published on by Suzanne1 Comment

Many people go through life and are never held up at gunpoint, robbed or in situations of extreme fear with shooters on a rampage.

I’ve now gone through this twice in my lifetime, thus far. We recently visited Waco, Texas to see our daughter, son in law and two youngest grandchildren (ages 10 months and 3 years). My daughter works at Baylor University and had decided to take us all to the dining commons for dinner on our 2nd night in Texas, (10-2019). We arrived, when suddenly, an alert was texted to her husband’s and her phones. The alert told us to “take shelter immediately & await further instructions”. My daughter started to panic as any mother of two babies would! I was frightened but tried to stay calm for her and the babies. We had to be separated from our husbands. They were sent to the men’s restroom & my daughter, the 2 babies & I were sent to the women’s restroom.

We awaited instructions but we were huddled into the corner of a handicapped stall. Finally, an employee came & told us we were on “lockdown” and we were all moved into the basement of the dining commons. There was stagnant air & it was difficult to breathe. I was very frightened but just continued to keep my daughter & grand babies calm. An employee, the cashier who I’d met as I entered the building; came around looking for me! She said that she was “drawn to me” & felt the need to come and check on me. She was so kind & she brought water downstairs for everyone. The water helped a lot and my granddaughter calmed down. Once we were all together as a family; in the basement, my husband was so good with the kids. We all tried to help them to be unafraid as we waited for the “all clear” alert. After about 55 minutes, we were given that alert and we were free to eat our dinner and go back to their home. We found out that about a half block away from campus, someone was shot. There were 3 people with automatic rifles on the run. The University took great care to see that we were kept safe during this ordeal. The staff was outstanding and very courageous.

It all brought me back to the time when I was 11 years old, in 1973, February. My parents, older brother & I went out after dinner to get my brother some Confirmation shoes. I was over looking at girls shoes, when suddenly I heard my father’s voice. He told me to come over to him. But a man had a gun pointed at my dads head! I didn’t know if I should try to run out of the store to get help? Or if it was not real? I remember saying aloud,”his “Candid Camera”? If I don’t cry, I get a prize?” My dad told me “Suzanne if you ever listen to me, do as I say right this moment! Come here right now!”

So I meandered back to the store room of the shoe store; where my family was held captive; along with another family of 4, a sales clerk and a manager. I saw my mother crying as one of the two men had their guns pointed at her face. The other man had his gun pointed at my dads head. I started to cry when they told my dad to empty his pockets and they proceeded to take my mothers wedding rings.(she’d gotten that engagement ring at age 14).

My dad grabbed the mans arm & said “Don’t you take those rings”! My mom yelled at him to get down and just do whatever he was told. I was crying so hard because the man said to my dad ,”shut up or I’ll put a bullet through your head”! I was really scared and my 13 year old brother stared emotionless as he was gathering every detail.

My mom passed out and the men grabbed my arm as if to take me with them. My mother laid on top of me as I was vomiting by this time! They kept telling my parents to “shut her up – or they would!” Finally, they ripped the phones off of the wall and made us lay down face to the ground. They said that we should wait 20 minutes before getting up. The manager somehow called the police. After they arrived, we told them as many details as we could remember. My brother stayed calm and gave them lots of Information.

After that, my mother was so scared & she didn’t want to go home right away. My Uncle, her brother, lived nearby. We went to his families home so my mom could calm down and feel better. Finally, we went home but I’ve never forgotten that day in my life. I had nightmares for a very long time and never was given a chance to discuss my feelings or fears. Lastly, I was blamed for the robbers taking my mothers wedding rings. My mother told everyone that as she was covering my mouth (because I was afraid, crying & even vomited as they robbers were saying “shut her up, or we will!!”), the robbers saw her rings sparkling and so they stole her precious wedding rings. Even though the robbers took all of the people’s wallets & jewelry etc., somehow it was my fault that those rings were taken off of her finger.

I guess I just wanted to share this with you all because the ordeal in Texas brought back some of those memories. After the robbery when I was only 11 years old, there were many more traumatic events that I experienced. If you know me or if you’ve had the chance to read the early posts &/or password protected posts in this blog; you’d realize how true this is. I was later diagnosed with PTSD, in or around my late 30’s. I finally received the help that was much needed. The Domestic Violence shelter and therapy has helped me over the years, to get past some of my fears. I still suffer today, but not nearly as much as I had in the past. Thank you for letting me share my experiences here with you today.

Suzanne, age 11 years

Protected: What Really Happened Between NPR, USPF and Me?

Published on by Suzanne

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The “O” Word

Published on by Suzanne1 Comment

Hello Luvs,

I have just uploaded a video to my advocacy YouTube channel. I have called it “The “O” Word (The Opioid Issue)”,  It explains a lot about Chronic pain and the issue involving Opoids for the relief of chronic pain. After a pain patient has tried a good number of treatments and they have not worked out, then a patient should be able to make the choice WITH their pain management physician, to either take Opioids or not.  This would be in order to give them some semblence of a life outside of their bed or recliner.  The video is right here, below.  My YouTube Advocacy/Awareness channel is located at: http://www.youtube.com/Suzydukettes.

I don’t want to give too much away, but here is the video:

The “O” Word- The Opioid Issue

Inhumane Treatment Of Pain Patients In USA

Published on by Suzanne3 Comments

I opened up My friends blog today (“Pharmacist Steve”). It is Steve Ariens Blog; and I saw a story of torture. There is torture going on in America! I’m seeing it every day now on the Internet! More & more chronic pain patients are being treated like common criminals! This is despicable! My God, are we living in North Korea, Afghanistan or in some 3rd world country (whos people , by the way; don’t deserve this kind of treatment any more than we don’t!!)?

How can the news media @Foxnews.com, @CNN, @MSNBC and all of the rest, be so one sided? Please, I implore you @POTUS, @GovChristie @PetersforMichigan (Senator Gary Peters), @NYGovCuomo (Governor Andrew Cuomo), @onetoughnerd (Governor Rick Snyder of MI). I implore you to think of the forgotten legitimate chronic pain patients. People are now living with daily chronic pain and receiving no treatment at all. They being totally forgotten & considered collateral damage of this “fake war on drugs” ! It’s a war against the chronic pain community; because they’re the ones who are dying. The pain community is stuck with zero semblance of a life as all of this is crashing down around them/us! The posted video is not just sad, it’s torturous to listen to. It’s terrible to watch. But it’s true and it’s happening all over the United States Of America! This is a story about a young mother, wife and daughter; who’s going through sheer bloody hell in Albany New York Trauma Center!

“Amy” Amy’s story of Human Torture in a NY hospital! is a young woman who just went through a painful stomach surgery and her stomach ruptured as well! The contents are therefore spreading throughout her body inside and this causes not only sepsis, but horrible excruciating pain! My husband went through it years ago, but they gave him a Morphine pump while in the hospital for several days following surgery. He was given pain relief, as any HUMAN BEING or any living, breathing animal should have!!

This is torturous and despicable treatment of anyone in a hospital, or any patient care facility; let alone, following a stomach surgery! How can the Albany Medical Center in Albany, New York, allow their patient to be treated in such an inhumane manner??? The behavior of the nurses who pledge also, to “care for the sick” and to “do no harm”; is unforgivable! This sort of treatment to other human beings deserves termination. Those so called patient care employees need to be fired and they should never be allowed to not care for another patient! This woman, who has a name, a face, a husband & a family; is living through hell!

You know what though? This is entirely preventable! She is not a prisoner of War! This is a young woman who’d much prefer to have a “normal” life! This young woman has a name, and that name is “AMY”! She has a young child and a husband. I’m guessing that her husband had to leave her to go home and take care of their little one! He had to do that and he thought he’d left his wife in the care of a reputable hospital facility!! Obviously, he was mistaken and that’s really sad!

What if Amy was unable to show us this video? What if she was incapacitated and couldn’t tell anyone what’s happening to her? Please share this video and Amy’s story. Write to your legislators and put a name and a face to all of our stories. Nothing can change if we cannot be brave and do something to help ourselves and to help Amy!

Our government leaders, the news media agencies and society need to as many faces and hear as many stories as possible about us! The chronic pain community being left behind and treated as though we are just collateral damage in the war on drugs! This has taken a turn for the worse. It’s gone from a “war” against illicit drugs to a war against the legitimate chronic pain patients. We will lose & continue to lose if not for people being brave like “Amy”.

Please speak out and tell everyone your story and the stories like this one! Get the word out about how chronic pain patients are not drug addicts. We are not addicted at all! Ask them if they can remember a time when they had lived through their worst pain imaginable? Then ask them to think about that pain never ceasing! Tell them this is what it’s like for us, for you!

Please pass this story around. Know that I received Amy’s video & story from Pharmacist Steve Arians Blog, at: PharmacistSteve.com….. It is posted in several places on Facebook. He asked if we could “please make this video go viral”?

Thank you for your help! Please…. let’s all help Amy & all of the other “Amy’s”! Thank you Steve Ariens too!

We Are Not A “One Size Fits All” Society

Published on by Suzanne

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I’ve had a few interviews recently, with people who want to know about “my story” mostly. But I’m finding out more and more that so many in mainstreamed society do not understand chronic illnesses or pain whatsoever.  There are 100 million people living in the USA, who live with daily chronic pain. We truly need to “talk about” this.  I’ve even been speaking with legislators to try and get some of these House Bills to NOT be permanent law. The people who are sitting on these committees do not understand anything about chronic pain, yet these are the persons making the medical decisions for us instead of our physicians. Most or many chronic pain patients visit their pain management physicians, now monthly. The pain doctors are the ones who went to school for many many years to learn about how to treat people who live with real pain on a daily basis. Why are these Bills being turned into laws without the consent of a pain Dr.? Why were there no pain management physicians sitting in on the meetings when the CDC guidelines were being discussed?

The CDC guidelines that were put into place in 2016, were done behind “closed doors” and in “secret”; without any pain management physicians there to guide them at all. No, there was only PROP (physicians for responsible opioid prescribing), including their guy, Andrew Kolodny; who is a Psychiatrist.  He is an addiction specialist, not a Physician trained in the treatment of chronic pain. Why would the CDC set guidelines like these and allow them to be done like this in secret, by a person who is not even trained in the management of pain? Next, these guidelines are supposed to be just that, “guidelines”.  Somehow they have become the “law” without actually going through the right chain of events to become a “law”.  Physicians, pharmacies and others are now adhering to these “guidelines” that were meant for general physicians, not even for Pain physicians.  But some pain management Dr.’s have seen their colleagues have their livliehoods taken away by the DEA now, and they are fearful.  They fear losing their practice and everything that they went to school all of those years  to do.

These CDC guidelines are not the law but Dr.’s are being “bullied” into making them the law in their own practices.  They have famlies and a life outside of pain management. They don’t want to lose everything and I undertand that.  But someone has to stand up for what is good, lawful and right!  We need to remind our physicians that these are just guidelines and not anything that legally must be done right now.  The guidelines, after all, were also supposed to be about stopping the overprescribing of opioids right after an injury or a surgery.  They weren’t meant to take the very lives away from the chronic pain patients; yet that is what’s happening.  People are dying and suicides are rising even though in the last several years, the prescribing for opioids has actually gone down.  Did you know that legacy chronic pain patients, those who were already on an opioid pain medication plan that was working for them, before the  2016 guidelines came into effect; are supposed to be exempt from them? But that’s not what is happening in many cities and states.

Today, in 2017, in our United States of America; people are being tortured. Yes, it is true.  Our service men, the Vets who came back from combat, after fighting for their country, return home to live with terrible and painful wounds.  They were the first to be denied pain medications and now everyone else is following. How can a country let those who lost a limb or more, fighting for them; just live with pain and not try to ease that pain?  If you read the CDC guidelines in the link that I’ve provided above (in the second paragraph), you will be able to read that the guidelines spell out these words “reduce opioids UNLESS THERE IS HARM BY DOING SO”.  So many in our country are now being harmed by these guidelines that are being abused and played out as “law”. Do you know that the elderly in nursing homes are now being denied opioids and left to live out their days in agony and chronic pain at various advanced ages? This is called “torture” and “abuse” and it’s just wrong! Just as it is wrong to make everyone be at the same dosage of opioid pain medication.  We are not  “one size fits all” human beings. Just as 90MME or less, will not work the same for everyone. We all metabolizes differently.  Some physicians & legislators are listening again, to the non-pain management Dr.’s, who think that 90 MME is the highest amount that every single person should be allowed to take, no matter the circumstances.  This is truly torture for patients who are in need of more than that amount.  There are patients who must take more than that in order to have some semblance of a life outside of their bed. They are not groggy or high.  They are just trying to get by and live their lives the best way that they possible. To the surprise of the journalists and legislators that I’ve spoken with, the chronic pain community that I know and love, doesn’t want more opioids for pain relief.  They want only what is needed to get by;  to live some kind of life with lessened pain.  I was asked “If I could have more opioid pain medication, would I want more?” I responded vehemently, “Absolutely not!” If I did not need to take the medications that give me some pain relief, then I would not take them.  I don’t want more and more pain medications.  I only want the amount that is necessary for me to have some kind of life outside of my bed.

Of course, I understand that opioids normally are not the very first course of action for a chronic pain patient.  We have to go through the rigorous pain clinic “steps”.  There are the trigger point injections, different kinds of Nerve blocks, biofeedback and occasional trip to see their pain Psychologist. Once found to “not have an addictive personality” they will try different medications.  There are persons who have tried many non-opioid pain medications and either they got deathly ill from them, were allergic or they didn’t work. The next step is usually invasive and expensive surgery to either get an intrathecal pain pump or a spinal cord stimulator. People have varying views regarding these surgeries and the outcomes. I don’t think anyone should be forced to have an invasive surgery.  One in which a catheter or electrodes are stuck into the patients spine.  The patient is then given a remote control device that controls the amount of stimulation they receive for pain relief (if it works). Otherwise the pain patient has pain medication filled into a “hockey puck” -like device (pump) placed inside of the abdomen area.  They visit their pain Dr. monthly to get this pump filled. The intrathecal pain pump, I was told, is equal to about 1/300 of the amount of oral pain medication. It is dripped slowly into the spinal cord to help with pain. Dangerous granulomas can form and there may be other complications. I must also mention that afterwards, you are then “married” to that specific pain Dr. for the rest of eternity (for the most part).  I also must add that most everyone who has these invasive surgeries, still need oral opioid pain medication for “breakthrough pain”.

There are persons who aren’t candidates for one reason or another and they are not able to get a Spinal cord Stimulator or an Intrathecal Pain Pump.  After trying many non-opioid medications and not being a candidate for either of these surgeries; there are not a lot of other options.  But I want the decision to be between my Pain Dr. and me, alone.  I don’t want the government in my patient room, uneducated in pain management but trying to make all of the decisions.  I honestly believe that me and my pain management physician, who went to school for approximately 13 years, or more, to specialize in taking care of people who live with pain; should be the ones to decide whats best for me. In my opinion, no one should ever be forced to have invasive surgeries; if there is a pill available that has little or no side effects, when taken responsibly.  All medications should be taken responsibly because a person can overdose on insulin, heart medication or anti-depressants. It’s not just opioids that are harmful if too much is taken. Lastly, I was asked if I am “pro-opioids”.  My answer is “No, I am pro-patients”.

 

A Body Of Hope

Published on by Suzanne2 Comments


Hello Luvs,

I was reading my news feed today, feeling very much alone in my pain. I have a wonderful husband who does so much and he’s my soul-mate. I have two lovely daughters and 3 granddaughters, ages 1,3 & almost 5!

We had the 2 older ones sleep over last night. So far we have only had the eldest spend the night. That was easy and awesome. I love them all the same! They are my little blessings. But now I’m in so much pain, that I read the following post with tears in my Eyes. I feel like I’m swimming against the current bcz I try so hard to be upbeat and as “good as I can be”! Today’s been really tough and I’m hard on myself ! This writing is beautiful and the writer is not only a long time friend & Facebook friend; but she’s a talented writer. I have reposted her writing here, to share with you her beautiful words. She has a blog called “A Body Of Hope”. I hope you’ll check it out! Without further hesitation, here’s Mary Mattio’s beautiful words:

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~If you’re having a bad day…this is for you
You have every right to feel overwhelmed, as though no one understands, maybe you feel afraid, or even hopeless. As far as I know, everyone living with long term illness understands these feelings. I know I do.

Illness, pain, long-suffering literally deprives the brain of the chemicals and hormones needed to feel happiness and at peace. It’s not pain or illness alone that causes depression, but the high levels of stress, constantly, over a long period of time that can inhibit the production of important nerve cells. The “optimistic” neurotransmitters like, serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine are no longer in balance to counter the feelings of uselnessness, loneliness, and hopelessness. What might be a passing thought, thanks to the rigors of chronic illness, becomes a spiraling pit of despair. Pain gets into your very soul, and exhausts every resource. 

This month is my 13 year anniversary with chronic pain (RSD/CRPS). When I became very ill 6 yrs ago, after several more illnesses struck suddenly, I felt as though I completely disappeared. Illness and pain swallowed me up.

If anyone is reading this and is being swallowed up, then you know it’s the loneliest feeling in the world to watch everyone go on and live happy lives while you fight for your own life in the shadows. Being drowned by an invisible adversary can seem like a practical joke. Everyone is in disbelief it could be “that bad.” But truly, aren’t we all in disbelief that it’s this bad?

I want to tell you what your brain would tell you if she were allowed to work at her full potential. I want to share what your soul is crying out for that pain has blocked. 

You have a purpose, you always have. Your purpose did not end when you were diagnosed. A calling is not just a job, purpose goes beyond the walls of a building. You are meant to be. 

You are enough. You are just as worthy and amazing as you always have been. Even though you might feel weak, you are gaining strength of character, wisdom, and you are learning things from this battle that no one can ever take from you. Please don’t accept the lie that you’re a failure, you are not. You are in the midst of the fight of your life. We can’t allow ourselves to believe we are losing. If your daughter, son, or grandparent were suffering from the very same condition as you, what would you want to tell them? 

You can do this. Though you may be exhausted and even fragile right now, you aren’t even sure how you’ll go on another day. The pain is pushing you over the edge of what you can bare…but somehow you have risen to meet every single day before this. Remember every treatment, surgery, and frustrating doctor appointment. Never forget how many miles you have walked already. You have overcome so many impossible days. Just get through this day. Tomorrow is not for today. 

You are beautiful. Sometimes we lose touch with our bodies, to separate and protect ourselves. Weight gain or weight loss, hair loss or teeth changes, swelling or skin changes…. we can look in the mirror and see a complete stranger staring back. You may not look or feel as you once did, but you can still get to know this amazing, lovely, and beautiful person. You are worthy of love. (PS. it’s ok to take selfies even if you don’t look like your old pictures!) People love you for all of you. You don’t have to appear perfect, no one is.

You are still the same person. Illness has a tricky way of detaching us from the longing of our past, splitting us apart from the face in the mirror, and isolating us from our loved ones. Who we were can float away, and illness begins to take us over. You are still her! You are still on your journey. Your path, your life, your experience is no less meaningful than anyone else’s. 

One last thing that I think your brain would want to remind you… Things won’t be this way forever. Chronic conditions change over time. Life changes. Our perspectives change. Yes, any day your condition could progress and worsen. Or any day, you could begin to improve or go into remission. The truth is that we hear about progression and complications 10x more (TEN TIMES MORE) than we hear about people regaining health and wellness. There is no doctor or article online that can assure you of what tomorrow will hold. As much as your body and mind yell words like “incurable, degenerative, progressive, comorbidities,” instead let HOPE be your weapon of choice. 

As illness continues to speak its lies to us, we must scream back truth to ourselves so loudly that every part of us can hear!

-Mary Mattio

@abodyofhope
“The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they may both lead to the same destination.”

-Marion Zimmer Bradley

How Great Thou Art -ASL

Published on by Suzanne

A beautiful song was in my soul today! I went to church and asked if I could use the chapel! So this is “How Great Thou Art” sung by Carrie Underwood! I hope you get chills like I do!