All For One, None For All


Gosh, to think of all the positive blog stories that I’ve posted. That’s how I met most of you. Through my perseverance and positivity. But lately, I’ve had lots of “downers” & I apologize. I do apologize …but not before another “not so upbeat” post. So remember how I was trying to be there for my dad? He recently was inpatient at hospital & he had to have the “Rapid response” revive him twice at age 88. I went even though I was told by him & my brothers, not to come. Well then, I was given times that I was supposed to go because that would help everyone else. Because I’m a high impact pain patient, I’m up at night. That doesn’t mean I’m out at night doing stuff. That means, I’m at home in my PJ’s unable to sleep due to pain issues. But the entire 12 days before my major surgery, I spent with my dad and going when I was told to go and even when I wasn’t.

When he got put on dialysis, Craig & I showed up. I was told by my brother that it would be “all day or at minimum 4 hours so we couldn’t see him” (& supposedly they couldn’t see him either). So I called their bluff & said “well we will just wait. We can wait 4 hours here with you!” Ahhh but then he says 5 minutes later “we can go in after the dialysis nurse gets things started actually in about 1/2 hour”. Hmmmmmm??? A far cry from 4 hours or more. We stayed & said nothing. I even went to see my dad the night prior to the day before my surgery.

I was texted the day before my major surgery, by my brother who asked if I was coming up in the evening (to relieve him, I’m sure bcz he was leaving)… or “when was I coming?” That day I said I couldn’t come because I had to do some stuff for myself before the surgery. I’ve not heard from anyone since then.

I’ve texted my dad daily. But not once has it been about me. Never has been…never will be. But my brother called Craig once & said he was on his way to see my dad… told Craig about my dad & asked about my surgery for a moment in the end.

(Side story:**My dad told me that my middle brother (who I don’t see, for many good reasons & haven’t for almost 17 years)told him that he “doesn’t & hasn’t prayed for me for all of these years but he will pray for my surgery “for my dads sake”… WTH?? He pretends to be a priest! He buys all of the stuff online & even bought a certificate that says he’s a “bishop”… he has a fake chapel that when you go to Google Earth, it sends you to his house!! If you go to his website you see that people send him money as “donating to his church”! There aren’t even any real services held. One lady online wrote on his website, “me thinks he’s a fake”! Well me thinks so too! I stay far away from him and I have always and since I took several PPO’s out against him. (The Domestic Violence Shelter helped me!)

My dad is at cardiac rehab now & he’s actually getting better. But it really hurts that my family has not cared about me & they continue to say “we’re always here for you!” My dad continues this fairy tale “that if ever I needed any of them, they’d be there for me “even with our differences”!

Well, I’ll tell you…. they’ve not been there & haven’t been since I was a child. Once when I called my big brother, after I was in a catastrophic car accident. I suffered a TBI & his phone number was the only one in my head. I even hit myself in the face by accident with the telephone, in trying to call him because I felt in pain & afraid. He answered the phone with “Oh…you need someone ?…”. CLICK & the phone went dead! He hung up on me! I suffered 3 years of brain injury rehab. I’ve gone through 10 surgeries now! They tried to turn my daughters against me when they were teenagers also! They were not ever, nor have they been there for me at all! They’ve only tried to hurt me more & “kick me when I was down”. Luckily, the love, protection and bond that my daughters, my husband and I had/have, pulled us through! We are as close or closer than ever! They are older now, with families of their own. They look back & now understand & see what truly happened. Having children of their own, they can’t fathom what happened to me! They don’t really see or talk to any of my biological family. But when my dad was dying, I got them to come & to make a FaceTime call.

Now that my Dads in cardiac rehab, he /they are back to their same horrible treatment of me. They’d still throw me face down in a mud puddle, in the middle of a busy street during rush hour; if it would give them my daughters and grandchildren.

Another thing that I can’t fathom is the way my dad & brothers have treated my dads girlfriend/live in partner of 12 years. She treated me absolutely abhorrently when I introduced myself to her the first time, years ago. Again, another “victim” who only knew one side of their story.

But guess who was nice to her? Guess who was concerned about her feelings when my dad & brothers refused her entrance to see my dad while he was inpatient & dying. She texted me until the wee hours of the mornings. I was kind to her & told her she should go visit him anyways. She is my dads “creature” too, unfortunately. She stayed away & barely got any information from my brother. She asked me to help her to get a pill reminder because my dad did all of that for her. He infantilized her as he’s tried to do to me. I cared about her & promised her that no matter what happened; Craig & I would visit her & try to be there for her as much as possible. Guess who I never heard from before or after my recent major surgery?? I’ve not heard from any of them! I’ve sent texts for 3 days in a row & never have received a response from my dad. Yet my daughter texted him while she was visiting us with our granddaughters yesterday. He texted her back right away & asked if he could call her? She said she was at my house & he could call anytime.

I had to fight in order to be included as one of my fathers 3 adult children. They said I was “too frail & too weak to come visit because I might cry & hence, make my dad cry”! Oh My Gosh! I’m stronger than any of them put together! I’ve been through a hundred times more pain and abuse than any of them! I told them they were not going to shut me out again, like they did when my mom died. I am strong! I told my dad that he has 3 children, not 2! My oldest brother pretty much gave up a life of his own in order to be “the honored one”. He does everything for my dad and we’ve been shut out for years.

Only when my dad thought he was dying did he say nice things to me. He told me (after I put my foot down & insisted that I was visiting him in the hospital) that “it was a treasure to have me there every day”! He said I was a “dear, dear, sweet person & he loved me”! I cried & couldn’t believe those words were said to me.

I’m 10 days post-op and I’ve barely been out of our home. I cannot visit him right now. But as I’ve said, I texted 3 days in a row with zero response. The 1st day I did get a quick response when I tried to tell my dad (who was discharged & on his way to cardiac rehab) that my surgery was over & it hurts quite a lot. I sent a couple of pictures. But the response I got was unfathomable. He told me “it looked like a nice, neat job” (*pictures above & below)! Even though I actually looked like I’d gotten beat up or walked through a war zone! He then told me about his bathroom issue of the day.

None of them called or have cared about me at all! My older brother called Craig once after surgery & that was because my dad wanted to know if I made it or not, I guess? Then he told Craig about my dad (as I was being put into the recovery room).

I’ve had 2 pacemakers placed and 8 other surgeries in the past 17 years. I live with systemic RSD/CRPS. They don’t even know what that is & never have cared to ask or see any of my special needs. But my dad got a pacemaker 6-7 months ago at age 88. They made such a huge deal about it! I tried to explain that I’m on my 2nd one and got my 1st at age 40! I told them that “it’s not so bad”! They were indignant & furious that I didn’t see that him getting a pacemaker was the end of the world as we know it!! I never got one ounce of empathy, love or even a phone call after any of my surgeries nor either of my pacemaker surgery’s.

It’s a horrible rollercoaster. I stop seeing & talking to them for months at a time. Then I get phone calls asking me why I’m not calling my father? I’m so tired of being treated like the scum under the sink! My dads managed to turn all but 1 or 2 of my cousins against me & all of my aunts & Uncles. The one Aunt who never judged me and somehow saw through the charade, died a year or so ago. I have a couple of cousins who know, saw & understand the truth. One of the 3, passed away last week.

I had a favorite aunt once, she used to put food into my pockets when I’d leave after visiting her house as a kid. She has stuck by my dad & his stories. I asked my dad earlier this year if he’d told that particular Aunt, that we we’d been meeting for dinner the past few years and had been chatting etc? He told me “she doesn’t care about you she has no use for you!

I dared to speak the “family secrets”. I dared to get help and be a real & separate person. To make a healthier & better life for my husband, my daughters & myself. It’s been hell and I’ve tried to keep kindness, hope & empathy in my heart; & God in my soul.

So all in all, I almost lost my dad this month. Regardless of how I’ve been treated, he’s still my dad & we only have one dad. I also underwent a major & very painful surgery 10 days ago. A tumor was removed from my middle ear. The surgeon drilled into my skull and mastoid bone. Ten days later, I’m still suffering with a lot of pain & fatigue. Once again, I feel totally ostracized & uncared about by my biological family. There’s only one person whose been by my side for the past 23 years & that person is my husband & soul-mate, Craig. We’ve been by each other’s side through so much and I thank God for him every day.

Update On Upcoming Skull-Neuro-Ear Surgery


Hello Everyone !

Above is a 37 second update from my appointment today 6-10-19. Thank you for the outpouring of love ❤️ and support! You’re the Best followers/fans/friends ever!!

**ADDENDUM: SURGERY WILL BE JULY 26, 2019** they scheduled it today…. JUST WANTED TO UPDATE YOU ALL… sending peace, hope, love & Light…

Feel free to email me: tearsoftruth@yahoo.com

Love ❤️

Suzy

Heres my Instagram post today too:
So I saw the Skull base/neuro/Ear surgeon today. I will be having the tumor removed soon. I will have a Tympanoplasty(they’ll reconstruct my eardrum using a “disc” made from cartledge & Skull fascia. This is to prevent this from returning. The 3 little bones needed for hearing are diseased. I’ll be getting possibly prosthetic bones? Also I’ll be having a “Mastoidectomy”! Removal of the diseased part of the mastoid bone. It may make my HOH/ “hearing”worse or same but must do this because if it gets into the brain it can kill me! It’s really scary! Many times people hear nothing afterwards, many times people get extreme dry mouth from damage to salivary glands during surgery. Many people get worse “white noise” or pulsating in ear after surgery. Many people get a strange taste for months or forever. They try to not injure the facial nerves by doing EMG during entire surgery, but it can happen… I’m honestly not scared of the white noise or pulsating or worse/same HoH —but I’m frightened of the brain surgery part. They say they’ll be conservative with my hair being cut but still a 2 finger radius around my ear will be cut… just wanted to update everyone. It will be in 2 months because it’s very slow growing tumor and may have been there my whole life?? But it takes time to get the 4 Drs clearances that I need and also his schedule is booked until then. Now I’m happy to have my Summer but still scared because I now have too much time to be thinking about it all!

Health experts offer solutions for unintended consequences of opioid crackdown | Fox News


Hello Luvs,

This information came to me via an email & so I wanted to share it with you:

The most urgently needed first step to addressing the misunderstandings about Centers for Disease and Prevention opioid prescribing guidelines, many clinicians and health experts say, is for the agency to clarify – in a high-profile way– what the guidelines were meant, and not meant, to do.
— Read on www.foxnews.com/health/undoing-the-harm-of-the-response-to-the-opioid-overdose-epidemic-health-experts-suggest-solutions.amp

Also, here is The Fox News Sequence of Stories Regarding the Opioid Hysteria & Chronic Pain Patients .

One of several very special physicians, who’ve been helping fight for the rights of Drs and chronic pain patients is Dr Stefan Kertesz, MD. He is quoted in this article on Fox News:

  • “We’re targeting the most vulnerable and sickest people who have been on opioids a long time”.

Dr. Stefan Kertesz, addiction specialist and professor at the University of Alabama at Birmingham School of Medicine.

Richard Lawhern, a very staunch advocate for chronic pain patient community; is also quoted in this report. He is also advocating for his wife daughter, who live with chronic pain. Here is the quote from Richard aka “Red” Lawhern:

  • “The [CDC opioid guideline] document is fatally flawed and needs to be withdrawn for a major revision in an open public process by qualified experts in community practice for chronic pain treatment, assisted by representatives or advocates from chronic pain communities.”

— Richard Lawhern

Lastly, Lauren Deluca, founder of Chronic Illness Advocacy & Awareness Group“,(an ever growing & popular Non profit 501/3c) is quoted here:

  • “Too many flawed approaches and policies targeting pain patients, she said, “will take many years to undo, but we can’t wait years.”
  • She also was quoted as saying this: I myself was a healthy 36-year-old professional embarking on starting a family and in a blink of an eye my life was destroyed due to a denial of care,” Deluca said. “It’s not just about pain; it’s about quality of life. Now we are teaching doctors to ignore pain, which not only leaves the patient suffering but likely will lead to many not getting diagnosed, therefore not only will they not receive pain medications they will not even receive basic care.”

Please read the entire Fox News series of three stories. They are focused on different aspects of this Opioid Hysteria. Also the lack of treatment and compassionate care for the chronic pain community. *The current story, (3rd in a sequence of three), and the other stories in the sequence can be located above. They are the first two, blue hyperlinks, near the top of this blog post.

Lastly, I wanted to share something on the same subject but different platform. As I mentioned above, Lauren Deluca is the founder of CIAAG. (a Non Profit 501 c-3. The link to her group website is above, but let me add it here for you as well: Chronic Illnesses Advocacy: & Awareness Group)

Link to The Documentary Trailer “Untreated: The Healthcare Crisis”

She recently attended an International Meeting with the United Nations in Vienna. According to her website, Lauren spoke about the inhumane  treatment chronic pain patients are facing due to the ‘Opioid Crisis’ in the United States. 

Here’s is a link to get you to a YouTube video that shows her speaking in person at the event:

United Nations Office of Drugs and Crime: 61st Commission on Narcotic Drugs

Please look over everything, that I’ve tried to present to you in one neat little blog post. I hope that you feel updated and possibly more optimistic about the changes coming in this New Year, 2019.

Something must be done to change the deplorable conditions that have been put upon the chronic pain community! These great leaders and others, working together as a united front; that is how we are going to help make the changes that we need to see happen this new year!

Thank you for coming back to visit and read “Tears of Truth”.

They Fell like Dominos: My License, My Certification, My Profession


Hello Luvs,This blog post is actually something that was written and sent to me by Dr Mark Ibsen, MD, a physician from Helena, MT. He wrote and says:

“I had similar experience. 
Guilty. 
Not even “guilty until proven innocent”
Just guilty. 
Once they set their sights on you,
You
Are
Fkkd. 

This system is feudal. 
Primitive. 
Insensitive. 
Ineffective. 
Unchecked, as in no checks or balances. 
Run by appointed people who are completely unaccountable. 
No recourse. 
In the name of “safety”, 
With no evidence of harm. 
Like a trip to the Gulag. 

The key is for patients to realize that doctors have become so vulnerable that we cannot risk ANY exposure to ANY accusations. 
A risk-averse environment due to the hostile regulatory environment we now have. 

So, as more and more patients despair over being abandoned by this system, the sacred physician patient relationship is further tarnished. 

I, for one, will continue to stand by the patients I can, and pray for those I cannot.” 

Here’s the article that accompanied the email from Dr Mark Ibsen, MD:

They Fell like Dominos: My License, My Certification, My Profession

Mark Ibsen MD
Helena MT

International Stakeholder Community of Pain Experts and Leaders Call for an Urgent Action on Forced Opioid Tapering | Pain Medicine |Oxford Academic


The aforementioned article proves that there may be hope for the chronic pain community.

In 2016, Andrew Kolodny, (who is co-Director of Opioids policy Research at Brandeis University), along with a group of Addiction specialists & others, went behind closed doors to “invent” & then Implement the 2016 CDC Guidelines regarding the use of Opioids. These were Supposed to be just guidelines for primary care doctors. But they rapidly became “the law” in the eyes of the CDC, DEA, National News Media outlets, Pharmacies & our government officials. Today we even have legitimate, licensed pain management Physicians, heading for the hills! They’re Not following the Hippocratic oath. These physicians are abandoning patients & putting many at high risk, myself included. The way that the chronic pain community has been treated, has been outrageous.

Please feel free to share this article on social media. Print it out and take it with you to your Dr. appointments. Let’s also share it far & wide through the news media channels as well. They’ve been getting it wrong & now need to help change the hysteria & damage that’s been created.

“We, the under signed, stand as a unified community of stakeholders and key opinion leaders deeply concerned about forced opioid tapering in patients receiving lolong-term prescription opioid therapy for chronic pain. This is a large-scale humanitarian issue. Our specific concerns involve:
— Read on academic.oup.com/painmedicine/advance-article/doi/10.1093/pm/pny228/5218985

Pain, Politics, Suboxone & Bupenorphrine


Please watch this informational video about the a patient removed from the only medication that helped lower pain. Also, much information regarding the dangers of Suboxone /Bupenorphrine.

Pain, politics & Suboxone/Bupenorphrine

***I APOLOGIZE THAT TBIS VIDEO IS UNAVAILABLE AT THIS TIME*****

Pain Warriors- The Movie


Hello Luvs,

I want you to really take a look at this post, please? I want you to “meet”, Tina Petrova. She is a fellow pain Warrior and a colleague of mine. She is not only a friend; but a friend/colleague in advocacy and awareness of chronic pain and people who live with chronic pain illnesses.

Honestly, Tina Petrova is an award winning film maker, a motivational speaker & chronic pain activist. This movie is about the real deal, chronic pain and everything that goes along with it! This movie has got to catch the attention of legislators and others who do not yet understand what it’s like to live with daily, unrelenting chronic pain.

“Pain Warriors- The Movie”, WILL catch the attention of anyone watching. But especially those who need to change the way they think regarding intractable pain and invisible disabilities. We need your help to donate and /or spread this crowd funding campaign. Please help to get more people involved in supporting this awesome film. The crowdfunding campaign will go through mid-September 2018.

Here’s the link to the Seed & spark crowdfunding campaign for “Pain Warriors- The Movie”!

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Link to the Trailer: Pain Warriors- The Movie

*Pain Warriors – The Movie

Needs Your Help! Please Help Support This Beautiful Project!

Inclusion Statement

Our story brings to light a deadly suppression of facts & figures. Chronic Pain does not discriminate against age, sex, or race; suicides in all groups due to under managed pain are on the rise. We are, all of us, only one car accident or one surgery away – from a life of chronic pain.

About The Project

PAIN WARRIORS ~ sets out to examine the invisible crisis of Chronic Pain in North America, and its devastating toll on society. Without proper and timely education of the masses this growing concern can and will reach a tipping point, beyond which there is no return.

Society’s lack of public information regarding Chronic Pain, has sadly forced this disease and its sufferers underground.

Not only are many denied adequate treatment , they are often looked upon by society as a whole as outcasts. We are , all of us, only one cancer or one car accident away from a life of chronic pain. As we age the numbers of chronic pain patients will only grow exponentially.

We intend to bring to light a deadly suppression of facts and figures. Without education and awareness, there can be no reform.

Compelling interviews showcase a broad cross section of pain patients, their loved ones and the doctors that treat them across North America. We share intimate, courageous and heart breaking 1st hand stories from pain patients in the trenches- the ongoing political and social issues they face and how they struggle to cope , just to get through another day.

Pain Warriors- The Movie

In recent months, several American pain specialists have been targeted by the DEA and currently face loss of license and potential incarceration, for attempting to uphold their Hipprocratic Oath and serve the U.S. pain population. The lines between “pill mills” and  legitimate doctors have become blurred and in many cases, unrecognizable to the general public and society at large.

In recent decades groups including breast cancer and aids patients have banded together formally with runs marches, rallies –  telling their stories in the press.

Doing so has garnered more ambitious and imaginative solutions to treatment and health care reform. The best hope for pain patients,  is to become more vocal and active in their own pain management.

The needed response to pain, it would appear, is to encourage patients to stand up and speak up.

PAIN WARRIORS  plans to do just that – give voice to the voiceless.  #givepainavoice  #painwarriors

Pain Warriors ~ the Movie has posted an update!

Pain Warriors shines a spotlight on Pediatric Pain ~

11 Yr. old Hunter,  battles courageously with a Chronic Pain condition, using Superheroe comic book characters – to inspire him to get up and fight yet another day. Pediatric pain is one of those growing pain conditions that is under- discussed and under- represented in the media.

Our new film Pain Warriors – seeks to identify and shine a spotlight on marginalized peoples and groups that have fallen through the cracks of both appropriate and timely healthcare and , societal compassion as a whole. In the pain community, we use the term” a slow death of compassion…” to denote societies overall shunning of chronic pain as a legitimate disease that steals lives, breaks hearts and destroys the very fabric of family life. There has been a deadly suppression of facts and figures for far too long. Pain Warriors  the movie ~ dives fearlessly into the muddy trenches,  where chronic pain patients & pain doctors who face a hostile regulatory environment live in apprehension, fear and suffering-  of what is to come next… live in fear and suffering.

Visit Pain Warriors ~ the Movie