Silent No More


I try to never judge anyone. In fact I’m open hearted/minded & I support most everyone. Also, I do have friends and family who have different opinions than mine. I would not stop being friends with someone or disconnect my friendship with them, because they have a different point of view. This has been a been a horrible time for most everyone in the world right now. We each have the right to our opinion & to believe what we believe. If you don’t like me anymore because of what I believe- then please feel free to do what you need to do. But I’m the same person I’ve always been I’ve not changed. I live in the USA & we have more freedoms than most any other country. I live here & I’m proud that I’m allowed to exercise my right to choose. I’m finding out who my true friends are. I feel closer to God more than ever before. I’m at peace with myself and that’s what matters most. I’ve been “afraid” to post this but I want to, because my husband & I made it. We are silent no more!

#Silentnomore

We All Bleed The Same


I will truly be so relieved when this election is over! I’m not one to be involved in politics nor have I been interested enough in politics over the years. Though I’ve always voted for President of the USA 🇺🇸 ! I am neither a right wing or left wing thinker. I guess I’ve always been “middle of the road” but Right leaning. I have voted for Democratic Presidents in the past. But I have also voted for Republican Presidential candidates. Do you know why that is? It’s the way I live my life too! I don’t see people as different colors! We all bleed the same. Just as I don’t vote red or blue! I don’t vote for a color, but for the Candidate who will help our great free nation, the United States of America.

If you put hatred aside for just a moment, and look at only what the two candidates records look like, without looking at the media headlines; you might get a more clear & factual picture. Pretend that the Presidents Tweets don’t get under your skin or that he does have a pretty much orange spray tan. Because there again you are focusing on the color of someone’s skin!! I mean honestly, many of those persons who Tweet about not wanting our country to be racist, also Tweet about the color of Donald Trumps skin. They even laugh, make fun of him and say nasty remarks. Doesn’t anyone understand that he is a human being first? When the crazy wack jobs were wishing him a horrible demise from C0v1d, that’s all I could think about. He is a human being! He bleeds the same as you and me. He is a husband & a father & most importantly, he is the leader of the free world (or what was the “free world”). Regardless, we do all bleed the same!

Put aside the fact that poor old Mr Biden makes gaffes all the time & he honestly doesn’t realize how much he does not have a clear mind or thought. Forget that he told a black man that “he was not black” if he didn’t vote for him! But wait, aren’t we supposed to not look at the color of a persons skin?

The people who are Saying that the USA is racist, are the same persons who are teaching racism in schools! They’re teaching our children or our grandchildren to hate the color of their skin, while touting that color shouldn’t matter! They are trying to fundamentally change the way our society thinks, by changing the way our children see themselves and the world. The public schools have been teaching systemic racism by telling some of the children to feel guilty for something they had no choice in…..the color of the skin they were born with. This is so wrong it makes my stomach hurt.

There are plenty of people with various skin colors, who have been unjustly brutalized, punished, homeless and poor. In the USA, everyone of every color is given the same blank slate when they’re born. It’s the choices that we make, not the color of our skin, which make us a good human being or not!

What’s happening is so wrong! The hatred, the rioting, looting, burning down buildings & the violence….(mostly in the states run by only one of the parties)

Put hatred aside and vote for what’s best for our country’s future. We have a Constitution for a reason. America has always been strong and proud. The way people are burning, rioting and looting; does not make me feel proud. But when our President says that he will help to keep our constitutional freedoms and liberties in tact; I believe him! He has fulfilled every promise he had made to the American people. Anything not fulfilled would be only because he’s been being blocked, chastised, put down, disrespected etc, for these past 4 years. While he’s been trying to work for “we the people”, the other side has been busy having tantrums & trying to block him at every turn. This included impeachment for a phone call, when they figured out that the Russia hoax wasn’t working! Also they were more worried about impeachment while he was banning travel from China (due to the CCP virus). They called him horrible names when he implemented those safety measures back in January 2020! All the while people like Pelosi, were telling their constituents to go into big crowds. Even Dr Fauci at first, said it was just a flu. They were saying it was safe to go out in large crowds back then! While at the same time saying that our President did not do enough.

In the end, all I can say is that if you “vote blue no matter who”because that’s the way you’ve always done it in the past? This is not the same Democratic Party as in the past! Joe Biden said he would be “the most progressive President in history”!! Look at “the squad”! Those are the far Left progressives!! They want to take away our freedoms, rights and let big government be in control! Just for one minute, Google about what’s happened to Venezuela when they were one of the richest & most free countries approximately 10 years ago. They let the radical Socialist Party take over and now they are one of the poorest countries. Their people are suffering and their freedoms are gone. They are Socialist/Communist country!

Educate yourself about all of the true facts. You will have to watch several various news outlets if you want more than 1-sided news! Check out all of them, Right & Left & then decide! If you still choose government of control versus a government of freedoms, then you have no right to cry when the government takes over every aspect of your (our) lives!

Tomas Jefferson said “any government big enough to give you everything, is big enough to take it all away”!

It’s Ok not to be ok


Hello Luvs,

I found this very awesome post on Facebook and it’s from a page called “It’s Okay Not To Be Okay.”

I have given them the credit for this beautiful piece. The credit for this beautiful woman’s *picture below, goes to the person who took it; and she is also named below.

This woman’s outlook on life, took my breath away! It made me cry! We all need to think more like she does!! When I become sad bcz of chronic illnesses and pain, I’m going to think of this amazing woman! I’m posting her story here, in hopes that it will also help you to be more positive. Especially during rough times such as political unrest and a pandemic! Let’s keep in mind what truly matters.

This 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with her hair fashionably coiffed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home yesterday. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. “I love it,” she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

“Mrs. Jones, you haven’t seen the room …. just wait.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” she replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged, it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice;

I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away, just for this time in my life.”

She went on to explain, “Old age is like a bank account, you withdraw from what you’ve put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.”

And with a smile, she said: “Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less, & enjoy every moment.

*Photograph by Karsten Thormaehlen

A Sad New Existence


I have never really been precisely either a Republican or a Democrat.  I vote based on knowledge and who I feel will do their best job for the people of this formerly free country, the USA. You can disagree with me after reading this post. You can choose to never read another one of my articles.  But I’m not mean, selfish, unkind or cruel to anyone, so there is no reason to treat me that way either. I’d like you to just hear me out, since I’m not a “finatic” of either viewpoint. But feel free to just keep scrolling if you don’t like what I’m about to write.

Our President, imho, has done his best from very early on, to save human lives. He stopped travel from China at the end of January, 10 days after the first diagnosed case in the USA. He did this while Nancy Pelosi was Encouraging people to go to Chinatown events in CA on 2-24-20. The radical Democrats were involved in their deep commitment to undo the 2016 election results and they were impeaching the President as he was still working for our Country and trying to keep us safe.  They were impeaching him for a phone call in which the witnesses (who were actually present) and the party on the other end of the telephone call, insisted there was no QPQ.  Every witness who was actually present, corroberrated the fact that there was no Quid Pro Quo involved.

I have never been one to write or chat about politics, especially on my Social media accounts. It’s a “no win” situation because everyone has the right to their opinion. By the way, having the right to voice your own opinion is starting to slip away from us in the USA these days. I’m tired of being silent. But as I start to come out and stand by by own beliefs and try to stand up for what I strongly believe to be true, I’m being verbally abused if I dare speak out against these draconian rules in all but a handful of states.  While they feel free to voice their opinions, they attempt to deny me the right to discuss mine. I never mind having kind and civil discussions.  But if you call me “stupid” or let your “Facebook buddies” call me “ignorant” and/or worse, then I am going to be blocking you. I’m losing my Facebook friends, long time social media buddies, because I dare voice my opinion with data to back it up.

But why should I be surprised? I was a very outspoken and strong advocate for the pain community for many years, from 2008-2018/19.  But since I had an auditory/brain tumor removed surgically, this past Summer 2019; people are “unfriending” me because I’m of no use to them any longer. I have had several commendations (since 2008), for helping others who live with High Impact Chronic Pain due to several various illnesses.  I was awarded a “Special Tribute” from the Governor of Michigan in 2017, along with the U.S. Pain Ambassador of the year award in February of 2017.  I’ve continued posting updated and reliable information to the High Impact/Chronic Pain and RSD/CRPS communities. I try to still lend my support as I’m able in my own support/info groups. There are a few people who have stood by my side and even offered to help me with my groups.  For them, I am eternally grateful and I am blessed to have them in my Life and/or social media life. Some of them have different opinions about politics; but we have managed to separate that and stay friends. The reason I brought this up, is because it seems that in the past few years, people seem to block, berate, degrade, be rude, act abusively and “run away”  from anyone who does not think or feel the same way as they do.

The USA is my country and I’ve always been proud to be an American. I’ve never been and still am not “Right” or “Left”. I guess you could say I’m “Right to center”.  I have voted for Republicans and Democrats in the past. I’m just really sad and tired of seeing this POTUS berated day after day for 3 years now.  He has actually has a great timeline of actions that have been helping with this COVID-19 crisis, including trying to keep us from a big Depression.  Many citizens are tired of hearing how our President “called this virus a hoax and did nothing until March 2020”.  So I did reseach and here are highlights from the timeline during January-March 2020.(the list is so long & full, I only highlighted January-March 2020 *parts of this list are from the White House website & other parts are actual Tweets from the WHO & CDC etc)

  1.  January 11, 2020:  CDC tweets about Corona related “pneumonia outbreak in China”
  2.  January 14, 2020:  WHO tweets that there is no evidence of human to human transmission
  3. January 17, 2020:  CDC started doing health screenings at 3 airports of travelers from China
  4. January 21, 2020:  the first COVID-19 case in USA for someone who traveled directly from Wuhan
  5. January 23, 2020:  WHO again says no human to human transmission outside of China
  6. January 28, 2020:  CDC states “While CDC considers COVID-19 a serious situation and is taking preparedness measures, the immediate risk in the USA is considered low”
  7.  January 29, 2020:  White House announces Coronavirus Task Force created.  Note:  this is despite the WHO downplaying the threat
  8. January 31, 2020:  President Trump bans travel from China.  The media and multiple Democrats slam his decision calling it racisist and xenophobic.
  9.  February 5, 2020:  President Trump was acquitted (impeachment)
  10.  February 5, 2020:  Chuck Schumer, in a tweet, continues to call POTUS’ travel ban from China “premature”
  11.  February 7, 2020:  White House’s Coronavirus Task force gives press briefing
  12.  February 9, 2020:  White House Coronavirus Task Force meets with all Governors
  13.  February 12, 2020:  CDC waiting for approval from Chinese for CDC team to travel to China
  14.  February 18, 2020:  HHS announces partnership to develop a vaccine
  15.  February 21, 2020:  Italy identifies its very first case of COVID-19 in their country
  16.  February 21, 2020:  CDC tweets that it is working with states for preparedness
  17.  February 24, 2020:  POTUS sent letter to Congress asking for $2.5 Billion for virus effort
  18.  February 24, 2020:  Nancy Pelosi was touring San Francisco’s Chinatown to “quell Coronavirus fears”.  She encouraged peopl to “please come and visit and enjoy Chinatown”.
  19.  February 25, 2020:  there is still no reported community spread in the USA (per CDC tweet)
  20.  February 27, 2020:  first community transmission in the USA
  21.  February 27, 2020:  President Trump appoints VP Pence to coordinate efforts
  22.  February 29, 2020:  FIRST reported Coronavirus death in USA
  23.  February 29, 2020:  The Trump administration:  A)  announced a level 4 travel advisory to areas of Italy and S. Korea,  B)  Barred all travel to Iran.  C)  Barred the entry of foreign citizens who visited Iran in the last 14 days.
  24.  March 3, 2020:  The CDC lifted federal restrictions on coronavirus testing to allow any American to be tested for coronavirus, “subject to Dr.’s orders”
  25.   March 3, 2020:  The White House announced President Trump donatated his fourth quarter salary to fight the coronavirus
  26.   March 4, 2020:  A) The Trump administration announced the purchase of approx. 500 million N95 respirators over the next 18 months to respond to the outbreak of the novel coronavirus.  B)  Sec. Azar announced that HHS was transferring $36 million to the CDC to help state and local communities that have been impacted most by the coronavirus.
  27.  March 6, 2020:  President Trump signed an $83 billion bill to fight the COVID-19 outbreak ($7.76 billion to federal, state & local agencies to combat the COVID-19 and authorizes an additional %500 million in waivers for Medicare telehealth restrictions).
  28.  March 9, 2020:  POTUS called on Congress to pass a payroll tax cut over coronavirus
  29.  March 10, 2020:  President Trump and VP Pence met with top health insurance companies and secured a commitment to waive co-pays for COVID-19 testing
  30.  March 11, 2020:  President Trump:  A)  announced travel restrictions on foreigners who had visited Europe in the las 14 days  B)  Directed the Small Business Administration to issue low-interest loans to affected smal business and called on congress to increase this fund by $50 billion  C)  Direccted the Treasury Dept. to defer tax payments for affected individuals & businesses , & provide $200 billion in “additional liquidity”.
  31.  March 13, 2020:  President Trump announced:  A)  public-private parnerships to open up drive-through collection sites.  B)  a pause on interest payments on federal student loans.  C)  An order to the Dept. of Energy to purchase oil for the strategc petroleum reserve
  32.  March 14 2020:  POTUS announced the European travel ban will exten to UK and Ireland
  33.  March 15, 2020:  Google announced a partnership with the Trump admin. to develop a website dedicated to coronavirus education, prevention and local resources
  34.  March 15, 2020:  all 50 states were contacted through FEMA to coordinate “federally-supported, state-led efforts” to end coronavirus
  35.  March 16, 2020:  POTUS A) hele a tel-conference with Governors to discuss preparedness and response to COVID-19  B)  POTUS participated in call with G7 leaders  C) POTUS announced the 1st potential vaccine for COVID-19 has entered phase I trial in record time  D) POTUS announces “15 days to slow the spread”
  36.  March 17, 2020:  POTUS announced:  A) CMS to expand benefits for Medicare beneficiaries  B) Relevant Health Ins. Portability & Accountability act penalties will not be enforced  C)  The Army Corps of Engineers is on “standby” to assist federal & state governments
  37.  March 17, 2020:  POTUS spoke to fast food executives  from Wendy’s, McDonald’s & Burger King to discus drive-thru serves recommended by CDC
  38.  March 17, 2020: the treasury dept:  contributed $10 mllion to Federal Reserve’s commercial paper funding facility and deferred $300 billion in tax payments for 90 days without penalty, up to $1 million for individual and $10 million for business
  39.  March 18, 2020:  POTUS signed the Families First Coronavirus Response Act, which provides free testing and pain sick leave for workers impacted by COVID-19
  40. March 18, 2020:  President Trump announced:  A) temp. closure of the USA/Canada border to non-essential traffic  B) Plans to invoke the Defense Production Act  C) FEMA has been activated in every region at its highest level of response D)  The US Navy will deploy USNS Comfort and USNS Mercy hospital ships.  E)  All foreclosures & evictions will be suspended for a time **Also HHS temp suspended a rgulation that prevents Dr.’s from practicing across state lines.
  41.   March 19, 2020:  POTUS announced very encouraging progress shown by anti-marlaria drug Hydroxychoroquine for fighting coronavirus
  42. March 20, 2020:  USA and Mexico mutually agree to restrict nonessential cross-border traffic
  43.  March 20, 2020:  President Trump spoke with Sen. Schumer about Coronavirus response and stimulus measures   B)  he held a call with over 12, 0000 small business owners to discuss relief efforts  and he C)  announced the CDC will invoke Title 42 to provide border patrol with tools to secure the borders
  44. March 21, 2020:  POTUS admin announced HHS placed order for hundres of millions of N95 masks through FEMA
  45.  March 22, 2020:  POTUS made disaster declarations for CA and Washington state and he announced:  A)  Governors will remain in command of Ntl Guard forces & the federal govt. will fund 100% of operations cost and  B)  He directed the federal govt to provide 4 large federal medical stations with 2,000 beds for CA and & 1,000 beds for NY and WA and C) POTUS announced that the USNS Mercy will be deployed in LA
  46.   March 23, 2020:  President Trump signed and executive ordere invoking section 4512 of the Defense Production Act to prohibit the hoarding of vital medical supplies
  47.  March 25, 2020:  President Trump signed a bill reauthorizing the Older Americans Act, which supports senior citizens by providing meals, transportation and other curcial services.
  48.  March 26, 2020: POTUS did vido conference with G20 leaders to discuss global COVID-19 response and the need for countries to share information and data and POTUS also had a call with Chinese President Xi Jinping to discus coronavirus
  49.  March 27, 2020:  President Trump signs the CARES Act in law  (*Coronavirus Aid, Relief, and Economic Security Act)
  50.  March 29, 2020:  POTUS met with supply chain distributors including Fed Ex, and UPS and others to discus getting medical supplies to state and local govt.’s
  51.  March 30, 2020:  President Trump announced the Federal Govt. will be delivering:  400 ventilators to Michigan, 300 to New Jersey, 150 to Louisiana, 150 to Illinois & 50 to Connecticut and POTUS also pledged $100 million of medical supplies to aid Italy’s battle against COVID-19
  52. March 31, 2020:  A)  POTUS announced the Treasury Dept. & SBA rapidly mobilizing money from the CARES Acts $349 bilion paycheck protection program, with the program set to be “up & running by April 3, 2020. B)  He also Spoke to Michigan’s Governor Whitmer about the states need for ventilators C)  POTUS instructed the Army Corps of Engineers and FEMA to construct several hospitals and alternative care facilities

It is helpful to look at the actual timeline.  All of this started to happen before the first death linked to COVID19 https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1189286 in the USA.  I got most of the information from the CDC tweets, so anyone can look it up to check for accuracy. There are so many other actions in between but I just took some of the highlights & ended mine at March 31 2020. The first several actions that I’ve listed through 2/29/20, were copied from a friend.  But you can take a look at the entire list here at:  List of all of the things that President Donald Trump has done to help combat the novel coronavirus

As I mentioned above, I’m not a Democrat or a Republican. I base my choices on facts (not hated, fear or other emotions) that I gather from watching and listening to all sides.  But honestly, many people have never given our President a chance.

Lastly, I have been & I am following the rules. I am also praying that someone can save us from something far worse than this virus. There are some things worse to lose than our lives. Losing our liberties, our freedoms and the freedoms for our children & grandchildren is something we need to protect. It was just fine to shut down for a few weeks, but not a few months or longer! Anyone who is afraid to go out, should feel free to stay in the safe, solitary confinement of their homes. Protect the elderly, the sick and the most vulnerable (meaning nursing & other homes for the sick). But we should have a choice, because this is the USA! Last time I checked, we were and are still a free country! When they (Dr Fauci, Kolodny & CDC) took pain meds from the chronic pain community in or around 2016 (with the new CDC guidelines), they removed the freedoms from the physicians & patients to decide what is best for their personal pain illnesses. At that time & ever since; the pain community has tried to fight back. I know this because I’m a part of that pain community.

Now we need to work hard at getting our freedoms back! I didn’t mind staying in my home for a few weeks-(2 months) or wearing a mask for a little while to help stop the virus! But there will be many more viruses to come! I don’t want to stay indoors separated from not only society but family; or wear a mask forever! It causes me anxiety and inability to not only breathe freely- BUT I AM DEAF!! I can’t even communicate with anyone who doesn’t know ASL when you’re all wearing masks!! It also takes away my ability to lipread & try to piece together what you might be saying.

C’mon- we don’t stop flying in airplanes or driving cars because of the possibility of a crash!! Road traffic crashes are a leading cause of death in the United States for people aged 1–54 The CDC website on Death from car accidents 2019

Hell, I survived a catastrophic car accident in 2002! I’m still here after 11 surgeries, lots of high impact chronic pain, a pacemaker (x2), a heart attack and a stroke! Let’s live our best life while we are here! Protect the freedoms for our families! We cannot roll over now! Please read a variety of news articles and watch a variety of News shows! You won’t get the truth from just one!! Put all of the information you receive together and make your own informed decision. If your decision is to wear a mask forever, live in your house and get take-out; then by all means, stay home & stay inside! But if I want to go out, let me make that choice! Don’t allow that to be the choice of our Governors or even the President (*except for a short time during an emergency)!!

Lastly, I’m not being selfish! I’m saying please stay inside if you are afraid or vulnerable. But let it be our choice and not an Executive order from a judge, Governor, President or any radical person with a gavel!

Justice Served? What’s your opinion?


Here’s a link to Pat Anson’s recent article regarding the sentencing of former CEO & President of The U.S. Pain Foundation, Paul Gileno!

What do you think? Has justice been served?

https://www.painnewsnetwork.org/stories/2019/10/29/former-ceo-of-us-pain-foundation-sentenced-to-year-in-prison

Trauma Resurfaces The Pain of Yesterday!


Many people go through life and are never held up at gunpoint, robbed or in situations of extreme fear with shooters on a rampage.

I’ve now gone through this twice in my lifetime, thus far. We recently visited Waco, Texas to see our daughter, son in law and two youngest grandchildren (ages 10 months and 3 years). My daughter works at Baylor University and had decided to take us all to the dining commons for dinner on our 2nd night in Texas, (10-2019). We arrived, when suddenly, an alert was texted to her husband’s and her phones. The alert told us to “take shelter immediately & await further instructions”. My daughter started to panic as any mother of two babies would! I was frightened but tried to stay calm for her and the babies. We had to be separated from our husbands. They were sent to the men’s restroom & my daughter, the 2 babies & I were sent to the women’s restroom.

We awaited instructions but we were huddled into the corner of a handicapped stall. Finally, an employee came & told us we were on “lockdown” and we were all moved into the basement of the dining commons. There was stagnant air & it was difficult to breathe. I was very frightened but just continued to keep my daughter & grand babies calm. An employee, the cashier who I’d met as I entered the building; came around looking for me! She said that she was “drawn to me” & felt the need to come and check on me. She was so kind & she brought water downstairs for everyone. The water helped a lot and my granddaughter calmed down. Once we were all together as a family; in the basement, my husband was so good with the kids. We all tried to help them to be unafraid as we waited for the “all clear” alert. After about 55 minutes, we were given that alert and we were free to eat our dinner and go back to their home. We found out that about a half block away from campus, someone was shot. There were 3 people with automatic rifles on the run. The University took great care to see that we were kept safe during this ordeal. The staff was outstanding and very courageous.

It all brought me back to the time when I was 11 years old, in 1973, February. My parents, older brother & I went out after dinner to get my brother some Confirmation shoes. I was over looking at girls shoes, when suddenly I heard my father’s voice. He told me to come over to him. But a man had a gun pointed at my dads head! I didn’t know if I should try to run out of the store to get help? Or if it was not real? I remember saying aloud,”his “Candid Camera”? If I don’t cry, I get a prize?” My dad told me “Suzanne if you ever listen to me, do as I say right this moment! Come here right now!”

So I meandered back to the store room of the shoe store; where my family was held captive; along with another family of 4, a sales clerk and a manager. I saw my mother crying as one of the two men had their guns pointed at her face. The other man had his gun pointed at my dads head. I started to cry when they told my dad to empty his pockets and they proceeded to take my mothers wedding rings.(she’d gotten that engagement ring at age 14).

My dad grabbed the mans arm & said “Don’t you take those rings”! My mom yelled at him to get down and just do whatever he was told. I was crying so hard because the man said to my dad ,”shut up or I’ll put a bullet through your head”! I was really scared and my 13 year old brother stared emotionless as he was gathering every detail.

My mom passed out and the men grabbed my arm as if to take me with them. My mother laid on top of me as I was vomiting by this time! They kept telling my parents to “shut her up – or they would!” Finally, they ripped the phones off of the wall and made us lay down face to the ground. They said that we should wait 20 minutes before getting up. The manager somehow called the police. After they arrived, we told them as many details as we could remember. My brother stayed calm and gave them lots of Information.

After that, my mother was so scared & she didn’t want to go home right away. My Uncle, her brother, lived nearby. We went to his families home so my mom could calm down and feel better. Finally, we went home but I’ve never forgotten that day in my life. I had nightmares for a very long time and never was given a chance to discuss my feelings or fears. Lastly, I was blamed for the robbers taking my mothers wedding rings. My mother told everyone that as she was covering my mouth (because I was afraid, crying & even vomited as they robbers were saying “shut her up, or we will!!”), the robbers saw her rings sparkling and so they stole her precious wedding rings. Even though the robbers took all of the people’s wallets & jewelry etc., somehow it was my fault that those rings were taken off of her finger.

I guess I just wanted to share this with you all because the ordeal in Texas brought back some of those memories. After the robbery when I was only 11 years old, there were many more traumatic events that I experienced. If you know me or if you’ve had the chance to read the early posts &/or password protected posts in this blog; you’d realize how true this is. I was later diagnosed with PTSD, in or around my late 30’s. I finally received the help that was much needed. The Domestic Violence shelter and therapy has helped me over the years, to get past some of my fears. I still suffer today, but not nearly as much as I had in the past. Thank you for letting me share my experiences here with you today.

Suzanne, age 11 years

Indivior Inc. Indicted for Fraudulently Marketing Prescription Opioid | USAO-WDVA | Department of Justice


Hello Friends!

I found this article not too long ago. I thought you might want to read it if you are a high impact chronic psin patient or anyone living with psin on a daily basis.

Indivior Inc. Indicted for Fraudulently Marketing Prescription Opioid | USAO-WDVA | Department of Justice
— Read on www.justice.gov/usao-wdva/pr/indivior-inc-indicted-fraudulently-marketing-prescription-opioid

Pondering Pain Awareness Month 2019


Hello All,

I just wanted to let you know that after a year of contemplating what I wanted to say, I wrote my thoughts about what happened between U.S. Pain Foundation & me last year in September 2018.

During my time as a very active Health/Pain Advocate, I achieved a few proud moments that I would really like to share with all of you:

1: I was awarded a “Special Tribute” from the Governor of the state of Michigan (Governor Rick Snyder) in 2016

2: I was the runner up finalist for 2013 WEGO Health “Unsung Hero” Award

3: I have over 42 published articles with the National Pain Report.

4: I was awarded the “US Pain Ambassador of the year award 2016”

5: I was certified as an in-person support group leader & ran a support group in my city for chronic pain & RSD/CRPS

6: I was accredited in a pediatric course for RSD/CRPS via AMEDCO & RSDSA

7: I was appointed to the Board of Directors for the U.S. Pain Foundation

8: I was honored in my hometown, with a Newspaper article

I didn’t do any of what I did, in order to get something in return. But these were amazing rewards after so much time went into my multiple US Pain Foundation projects, my writing, videos, Support Groups, getting proclamations & doing many many Awareness Events for USPF, RSDHope & RSDSA.

The Link to my 1 minute You Tube Video (1 minute long)

I’ve been contemplating writing my side of the story; after severing my ties with the US Pain Foundation in September 2018. I have my story written and published. If you’d like to read it, just go back one blog post before this one.

Below are a few photos that remind me to keep going when I sometimes feel like giving up. I am strong and so are you! We can do this together!

The Story of My Experiences With USPF


Here’s the link to Pat Anson’s Pain News Network article week of 5-12-19:Misappropriation of funds by the US Pain Foundation

I’ve had some things weighing on my mind lately. I had thought about keeping them to myself because I’m not a person who likes to be in the midst of turmoil. I try to live as drama-free as I possibly can. But a few months ago, I was contacted by Pat Anson, from the “Pain News Network”. I declined to speak about the events hovering around the US Pain Foundation & decided to take the high road and not allow my feelings and emotions take flight. It’s been an entire year & I let “the dust settle”. I waited an entire year to post my story about this. I didn’t want this post to be written with anger or any feelings of revenge. But there are a few issues that have been tugging at my heart and bothering my mind. These continue to nag me in my thoughts.

Since Pat Anson’s articles have surfaced; I’ve read several pieces of information that are now public knowledge. I’ve decided that there are some things I’d like to share because I do have a story to tell. I will only share with you my personal observations, opinions and experiences.

First, I must share that when I was added to the Board of Directors of the US Pain Foundation,(officially on January 31, 2018), I was excited. Around that time, I decided to call one of the persons whose photo I’d seen on the USPF website listed as a Board Member. She was also director of their Medical Cannabis program. I’d been told she was a veteran Board member. I called to ask her a few questions, such as: “What was it like, being on the Board? What do we do as Board Members etc?” She laughed & told me that “there was no real Board of Directors”. She added that they’d never even had a board meeting! I was a bit disappointed at hearing this news. But it was soon confirmed. The Board of Directors of the USPain Foundation, were actually just photographs on the USPF website, prior to January, 2018. There was no true Board of Directors. There had been no board meetings or elections. So….I’m guessing there was there no secretary or treasurer? I’m guessing this means that nobody had to get permission to write checks? Didn’t they have to answer to anyone about how or where to spend donation monies? How does the President, Vice President & Executive Director & other upper management, not know what & where money is coming in and/or going out?

(*I’d  been a “volunteer ambassador”since November 2015. I did Awareness events and fundraisers. All the while I thought I was doing something good. I wanted to be a good advocate and help people living with pain, like myself.)

In looking back, in my opinion, It seems to me that when upper management realized that things had somehow gotten out of hand and that the USPF might be slipping away, they decided to get lawyers and accountants involved in an attempt to “fix” a situation that they’d created. It seemed to have finally become something larger that they could no longer handle alone. Again, this is just me looking back, trying to make sense of the entire debacle.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The first meeting was in California, in January 2018. But I was too ill to travel that far and watched it as a Zoom meeting. Nothing of super importance was discussed, from my recollection. After being recruited to the Board, I still had no knowledge of any significance until much later in the year. Also, in January of 2018, they wouldn’t allow me to make it public, that I’d been appointed to their Board of Directors. My volunteer position as Board Member was not added to their website until March that year. Over the following months, I found out what a mess things were and I immediately wanted to resign. I was advised by one of the attorneys, that “it wouldn’t look good” for USPF, if anyone on the Board resigned during that time. (*Even though Dr Abaci immediately resigned from the board when he found out about the misuse of funds in the past).

I was told that we should all stay and help to reorganize & rebuild USPF. The attorneys explained that it wouldn’t really look good for any of the Board Members to resign in the midst of this reorganization. Therefore I stayed for as long as I felt that I was doing something good. Even prior to becoming a Board member, I was given “busy work” & then asked to do research & write two articles for the “Learn About Your Pain” portion of their website. I was asked to research, write and include links with graphics about S.I.B.O and Dysautonomia. I turned in several pages of completed research. Almost a year later, I inquired about when everything that I had done was going to be posted to the “Learn About Your Pain” website? I received angry emails from several members telling me that with everything that USPF was going through, how could I even think about myself? (In Spring of 2018, I was also asked to make a video about RSD/CRPS, that I in fact made and it also was never used). I was asked (3) three times, to be a part of the USPF “INvisible Project”. A 4th time, I was told that I could tell my husband that he was going to be a part of the “Caregiver” edition of the INvisible project. Each time I was invited to be a part of that, I signed video/photo releases and I answered 10-12 questions in complete sentences. I gathered photos etc., and turned them into the USPF’s person in charge of that project with the interim CEO. Each time,within days of handing back my completed tasks (*just remember that I am also a chronic pain patient and was an unpaid volunteer), I received an email from the person helping the interim CEO with that project. She just told me things like “Ooops, My Bad?? I guess the interim CEO has something bigger in store for you later”! This went on for over a year.

In getting back to the true issues at hand, in Or around early Spring 2018, we asked the former CEO to resign. The Board meetings were only and always about the situation that USPF found themselves in, regarding the former CEO. Then in July, 2018; my Pain Management doctor told me that he was going to immediately remove me from my long acting/extended release pain medications (after almost 14 years of doing well on them). He said it was because of the CDC Guidelines.

I left the appointment that day in tears. I feared for my life and what the future was going to feel like. I arrived at home to an email from the US Pain Foundation. It was a survey asking people to tell what they know about Bupenorphrine. Being a board meeting member, I immediately called the interim CEO. I shared with her my shock & dismay about this email that went out to the pain community; the very people who I try to advocate for and protect. I asked her, what prompted this survey? I found out that the foundation had received a donation from the company that makes Suboxone/Bupenorphrine ( Here’s a list of the medications that RBI makes). My exact words to her were “How could you allow USPF get in bed with Andrew Kolodny?” She tried to assure me that Suboxone wasn’t anything like Bupenorphrine (*see photos that are included with this article). I was told I didn’t know what I was talking about and I was mistaken. She went on to explain that one condition of the donation was to get the public to have more knowledge, or to see what the pain community actually knew about Bupenorphrine. Next, I asked the interim CEO if she knew that the drug Bupenorphrine was not FDA approved for pain (at that time), in the USA? I told her it was an addiction medication and that people are labeled an addict once they’re put on Suboxone/Bupenorphrine; even if it’s for chronic pain! She told me that members of the pain community should have access to all different kinds of medications and therapies. I was very upset and I decided to do more research.Bupenorphrine is a weak analgesic that may slightly help those who have chronic pain AND addiction

Along with many among the chronic pain community, I had already been personally feeling that USPF has not been supportive of opioids, for chronic pain. I have written two articles about these medications: About Suboxone/Buprenorphine-and-naloxone and More About Bupenorphrine/Suboxone. I wrote these articles because I felt that the pleas of the chronically ill, the disabled and those of us living with daily ongoing high pain illnesses/issues; were not being listened to. We were not being heard by our Drs, the government or our own US Pain Foundation.

As soon as that conversation with the interim CEO ended; I knew that my time volunteering with USPF was coming to an end. I had been already feeling that they “push” complimentary therapies and medical cannabis without any support for a portion of the pain community who relies on opioids for pain control. They portray complimentary therapies as though they can actually end chronic pain without any help from medications. They publicly & actively support their medical marijuana program. If they can support a Federally illegal substance; (which I’m personally not against when & where it is legal; and only for medicinal purposes), and if they support all methods to alleviate pain, then where’s their opioid program? I feel that people should be able to use Marijuana, Kratom, acupuncture or opioids to alleviate their daily chronic pain. But opioids have been taboo within the USPF. Possibly for some political reason, in my opinion.

Another occurrence that helped me decide to resign after only 8 months of being on the Board of Directors, was when I found out about the movie/documentary that the interim CEO was making with Actress, Karen Duffy. It just feels to me, like she & other upper management persons within the US Pain Foundation are more interested in publishing books and being in movies, than actually helping the pain community. My sadness grew deeper when I watched the movie trailer: Balancing The Pain Scale, a documentary with actress Karen Duffy & interim CEO of USPF . Some of words taken directly from the trailer are “getting beyond the pill bottle”. Once again, USPF was demonizing opioids. I’m not the only one who saw this either. Here is an article that I found from A prominent advocate for the pain community : A Blog Post from Steve Ariens, “Pharmacist Steve”.

The very last straw for me was when the Interim CEO & the rest of the Board, contemplated not telling the USPF “In-person” support group leaders that they were no longer covered by insurance. I was the only Board member who said that I’d have no part of that! If you’d like to read my resignation letter (redacted items are the attorneys names and anything that was not my information to share), it is here: Why I Resigned From The US Pain Foundation

I still find it difficult to believe that nobody else who’d been in upper management of the foundation for several years, knew anything regarding the going out and coming in of money/funds?

After my resignation, I started hearing stories from ex-Ambassadors that involved a couple of upper management persons being involved in some behavior that in my opinion, was inappropriate. Some of this allegedly took place during a few USPF sponsored events. In 2016, July; at the University of New England, “Pain Summit”, my husband and I stayed overnight at a nearby hotel instead of staying at the dorms. It appears that we missed seeing anything first-hand; but according to at least 2 eyewitnesses (one that actually called & showed me some videos), there were high ranking members involved in behaviors that I would consider inappropriate for anyone, let alone, upper management of a non-profit. Especially not during an event sponsored and run by that same Non-Profit.

All of this has been on my mind. I didn’t want to lose my integrity by talking to someone else about all of this. I decided that this is my blog & my own story to tell. I’ve given you my observations, opinions & truth to the best of my knowledge.

Reckett Benkaiser being Sued by 35 states

Who Makes Bupenorphrine?

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**BELOW IS A 1 MINUTE VIDEO SHARING MY CREDENTIALS. THIS VIDEO SHARES ALSO THE VIEWS OF US PAIN ABOUT ME & MY VOLUNTEER WORK WITH THEIR ORGANIZATION FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS:

A YouTube Video with my Credentials

All For One, None For All


Gosh, to think of all the positive blog stories that I’ve posted. That’s how I met most of you. Through my perseverance and positivity. But lately, I’ve had lots of “downers” & I apologize. I do apologize …but not before another “not so upbeat” post. So remember how I was trying to be there for my dad? He recently was inpatient at hospital & he had to have the “Rapid response” revive him twice at age 88. I went even though I was told by him & my brothers, not to come. Well then, I was given times that I was supposed to go because that would help everyone else. Because I’m a high impact pain patient, I’m up at night. That doesn’t mean I’m out at night doing stuff. That means, I’m at home in my PJ’s unable to sleep due to pain issues. But the entire 12 days before my major surgery, I spent with my dad and going when I was told to go and even when I wasn’t.

When he got put on dialysis, Craig & I showed up. I was told by my brother that it would be “all day or at minimum 4 hours so we couldn’t see him” (& supposedly they couldn’t see him either). So I called their bluff & said “well we will just wait. We can wait 4 hours here with you!” Ahhh but then he says 5 minutes later “we can go in after the dialysis nurse gets things started actually in about 1/2 hour”. Hmmmmmm??? A far cry from 4 hours or more. We stayed & said nothing. I even went to see my dad the night prior to the day before my surgery.

I was texted the day before my major surgery, by my brother who asked if I was coming up in the evening (to relieve him, I’m sure bcz he was leaving)… or “when was I coming?” That day I said I couldn’t come because I had to do some stuff for myself before the surgery. I’ve not heard from anyone since then.

I’ve texted my dad daily. But not once has it been about me. Never has been…never will be. But my brother called Craig once & said he was on his way to see my dad… told Craig about my dad & asked about my surgery for a moment in the end.

(Side story:**My dad told me that my middle brother (who I don’t see, for many good reasons & haven’t for almost 17 years)told him that he “doesn’t & hasn’t prayed for me for all of these years but he will pray for my surgery “for my dads sake”… WTH?? He pretends to be a priest! He buys all of the stuff online & even bought a certificate that says he’s a “bishop”… he has a fake chapel that when you go to Google Earth, it sends you to his house!! If you go to his website you see that people send him money as “donating to his church”! There aren’t even any real services held. One lady online wrote on his website, “me thinks he’s a fake”! Well me thinks so too! I stay far away from him and I have always and since I took several PPO’s out against him. (The Domestic Violence Shelter helped me!)

My dad is at cardiac rehab now & he’s actually getting better. But it really hurts that my family has not cared about me & they continue to say “we’re always here for you!” My dad continues this fairy tale “that if ever I needed any of them, they’d be there for me “even with our differences”!

Well, I’ll tell you…. they’ve not been there & haven’t been since I was a child. Once when I called my big brother, after I was in a catastrophic car accident. I suffered a TBI & his phone number was the only one in my head. I even hit myself in the face by accident with the telephone, in trying to call him because I felt in pain & afraid. He answered the phone with “Oh…you need someone ?…”. CLICK & the phone went dead! He hung up on me! I suffered 3 years of brain injury rehab. I’ve gone through 10 surgeries now! They tried to turn my daughters against me when they were teenagers also! They were not ever, nor have they been there for me at all! They’ve only tried to hurt me more & “kick me when I was down”. Luckily, the love, protection and bond that my daughters, my husband and I had/have, pulled us through! We are as close or closer than ever! They are older now, with families of their own. They look back & now understand & see what truly happened. Having children of their own, they can’t fathom what happened to me! They don’t really see or talk to any of my biological family. But when my dad was dying, I got them to come & to make a FaceTime call.

Now that my Dads in cardiac rehab, he /they are back to their same horrible treatment of me. They’d still throw me face down in a mud puddle, in the middle of a busy street during rush hour; if it would give them my daughters and grandchildren.

Another thing that I can’t fathom is the way my dad & brothers have treated my dads girlfriend/live in partner of 12 years. She treated me absolutely abhorrently when I introduced myself to her the first time, years ago. Again, another “victim” who only knew one side of their story.

But guess who was nice to her? Guess who was concerned about her feelings when my dad & brothers refused her entrance to see my dad while he was inpatient & dying. She texted me until the wee hours of the mornings. I was kind to her & told her she should go visit him anyways. She is my dads “creature” too, unfortunately. She stayed away & barely got any information from my brother. She asked me to help her to get a pill reminder because my dad did all of that for her. He infantilized her as he’s tried to do to me. I cared about her & promised her that no matter what happened; Craig & I would visit her & try to be there for her as much as possible. Guess who I never heard from before or after my recent major surgery?? I’ve not heard from any of them! I’ve sent texts for 3 days in a row & never have received a response from my dad. Yet my daughter texted him while she was visiting us with our granddaughters yesterday. He texted her back right away & asked if he could call her? She said she was at my house & he could call anytime.

I had to fight in order to be included as one of my fathers 3 adult children. They said I was “too frail & too weak to come visit because I might cry & hence, make my dad cry”! Oh My Gosh! I’m stronger than any of them put together! I’ve been through a hundred times more pain and abuse than any of them! I told them they were not going to shut me out again, like they did when my mom died. I am strong! I told my dad that he has 3 children, not 2! My oldest brother pretty much gave up a life of his own in order to be “the honored one”. He does everything for my dad and we’ve been shut out for years.

Only when my dad thought he was dying did he say nice things to me. He told me (after I put my foot down & insisted that I was visiting him in the hospital) that “it was a treasure to have me there every day”! He said I was a “dear, dear, sweet person & he loved me”! I cried & couldn’t believe those words were said to me.

I’m 10 days post-op and I’ve barely been out of our home. I cannot visit him right now. But as I’ve said, I texted 3 days in a row with zero response. The 1st day I did get a quick response when I tried to tell my dad (who was discharged & on his way to cardiac rehab) that my surgery was over & it hurts quite a lot. I sent a couple of pictures. But the response I got was unfathomable. He told me “it looked like a nice, neat job” (*pictures above & below)! Even though I actually looked like I’d gotten beat up or walked through a war zone! He then told me about his bathroom issue of the day.

None of them called or have cared about me at all! My older brother called Craig once after surgery & that was because my dad wanted to know if I made it or not, I guess? Then he told Craig about my dad (as I was being put into the recovery room).

I’ve had 2 pacemakers placed and 8 other surgeries in the past 17 years. I live with systemic RSD/CRPS. They don’t even know what that is & never have cared to ask or see any of my special needs. But my dad got a pacemaker 6-7 months ago at age 88. They made such a huge deal about it! I tried to explain that I’m on my 2nd one and got my 1st at age 40! I told them that “it’s not so bad”! They were indignant & furious that I didn’t see that him getting a pacemaker was the end of the world as we know it!! I never got one ounce of empathy, love or even a phone call after any of my surgeries nor either of my pacemaker surgery’s.

It’s a horrible rollercoaster. I stop seeing & talking to them for months at a time. Then I get phone calls asking me why I’m not calling my father? I’m so tired of being treated like the scum under the sink! My dads managed to turn all but 1 or 2 of my cousins against me & all of my aunts & Uncles. The one Aunt who never judged me and somehow saw through the charade, died a year or so ago. I have a couple of cousins who know, saw & understand the truth. One of the 3, passed away last week.

I had a favorite aunt once, she used to put food into my pockets when I’d leave after visiting her house as a kid. She has stuck by my dad & his stories. I asked my dad earlier this year if he’d told that particular Aunt, that we we’d been meeting for dinner the past few years and had been chatting etc? He told me “she doesn’t care about you she has no use for you!

I dared to speak the “family secrets”. I dared to get help and be a real & separate person. To make a healthier & better life for my husband, my daughters & myself. It’s been hell and I’ve tried to keep kindness, hope & empathy in my heart; & God in my soul.

So all in all, I almost lost my dad this month. Regardless of how I’ve been treated, he’s still my dad & we only have one dad. I also underwent a major & very painful surgery 10 days ago. A tumor was removed from my middle ear. The surgeon drilled into my skull and mastoid bone. Ten days later, I’m still suffering with a lot of pain & fatigue. Once again, I feel totally ostracized & uncared about by my biological family. There’s only one person whose been by my side for the past 23 years & that person is my husband & soul-mate, Craig. We’ve been by each other’s side through so much and I thank God for him every day.