Testimony From A Pain Patient, Re: Suboxone And Bupenorphrine


This is an email that I received from a chronic pain patient, Chuck Malinowski. He wanted to let me know about his experience with Suboxone/Bupenorphrine. He asked me to share it, after he had read my 2-3 articles about these harsh drugs that are being forced upon chronic pain patients at this time. The side effects from these partial opioid agonists, are much worse than our average opioids. While their analgesic effects are very low. They don’t do much in lowering the high impact pain that many people with long term, painful chronic illnesses live with. They have, however been proven to take the edge off of some lower pain illnesses in drug addicts who have to take it bcz they are unable to take “regular” opioids. The data suggests that it only really helps a little bit with addicts who need a bit of pain relief.

All of my research is backed up and linked to articles and research. Some is straight from the manufacturer of Suboxone/Bupenorphrine:

1) Regarding Bupenorphrine & Suboxone

3) About Suboxone, Bupenorphrine & Naloxone

4). More About Suboxone & Bupenorphrine

Here are some links to more articles where I researched information and came to these conclusions:

*************************************

(*This is where I got some of this information):

1. https://www..com/suboxone-creators-shocking-scheme-to-profit-off-of-heroin-addicts

2. https://www.drugs.com/suboxone.html

Articles that Explain The Bad effects of suboxone, bupenorphrine etc.

1.  Why Suboxone Treatment Can Be Harmful

2. The Suboxone Conspiracy

3. the ugly truth about suboxone withdrawals

***Below is an article straight from a patient:

Here is one Testimonial:

“Absolutely do not let your doctor put you on buprenorphine.
DO. NOT. DO. IT.
Unless it is an absolute life-threatening medical emergency, do not ever allow anyone to put you on either buprenorphine or Suboxone, which is a medication made with buprenorphine and even worse, and much more expensive.
Buprenorphine causes such a severe, and rapid physical dependency that after only using a comparatively small dosage, 16mg per day, for a single month it will take you a minimum of four, but probably five or six months of absolute hell to get off of.
This is not a medical opinion, or medical advice, this is the reality of what I am now living with, and have been for more than 10 weeks.
I was put on buprenorphine when my implanted pain pump ran out of morphine sulfate and I went into severe acute opiate withdrawal.
It was basically an emergency situation, the level of medication for my pain pump was the oral equivalent of 160mg of morphine a day, it was severe opiate withdrawal.
I did not have an addiction to opiates because this was intrathecal morphine – intrathecal delivery is when the medication is delivered in liquid form directly into your spinal column – but my body had a tremendous physical dependency.
Even so, I seriously regret being put on buprenorphine even if it was on emergency basis.
I was on 16mg of buprenorphine per day for five weeks after getting out of the hospital following treatment for severe acute opiate withdrawal.
The treatment was being put on Suboxone, later changed to just straight buprenorphine.
Within three weeks I started experiencing severe migraine headaches, ear aches, severe abdominal pains, diarrhea, severe sleep disturbances in the form of horrific nightmares – nightmares so bad I was afraid to go to sleep.
I also experienced drastic changes in body temperature, one minute I felt like I was roasting alive, the next minute I felt like I was freezing, sometimes I felt both at the same time.
I have been trying to get off of buprenorphine for 10 1/2 weeks now. I have been using every trick in the book to manage the horrible withdrawal symptoms. Herbal supplements, herbal teas, detox supplements, vitamins, OTC medications, etc.
And the withdrawal symptoms are truly horrible, even when simply reducing your dosage by 25%. It’s just as hard to cut your dosage from 5 mg a day to 4 mg a day as it is to cut your dosage from 16mg a day to 12mg a day.
This means that the closer you get to 0mg a day the harder it is to reduce your dosage, because you have to keep doing it by a relatively small percentage, 20 or 25% day over a period of two or three weeks.
It is so bad it gets to a point where you have to cut from 2mg per day, to 1mg per day – if you can even tolerate that big a cut at that point – to 1/2 mg per day, to 1/4 mg per day, to 1/8 of a milligram per day – and, according to my doctor, it can take weeks to do it. It took me 3 1/2 weeks of working at reducing my dosage from 6mg a day to 4mg a day before I could tolerate 4mg a day. It was extremely difficult, and painful every step of the way, and even so, I am suffering horribly.
Today is day number seven at 4mg a day. The last week has been unimaginably horrible – the entire process is unimaginably horrible – today is horrible, and I expect that I will feel like this for another week or two before I am stable at 4mg a day. 
Once I am stable – comfortable – at 4 mg a day I can try to start cutting my dosage to 3mg a day, and the entire nightmare process described below starts all over again, although in truth it never really stops it only gets less horrible, until you try and make your next dosage reduction.
At times feeling like I am burning alive, I feel like I am on fire inside and out. I frequently feel like somebody has put some horrible mind-bending drugs in my drinking water. Uncontrollable shakes and tremors. Uncontrollable whole body spasms were every muscle in my body suddenly goes completely rigid. Diarrhea. Severe sleep disturbances from absolutely horrible nightmares – my neuropsychologist tells me that nightmares are very common with buprenorphine. And you only have the nightmares if you’re lucky enough to be able to sleep in the first place. Or if you can even stay asleep because you’re going through such drastic changes in body temperature that you are frequently waking up and turning the fan on, or turning the fan off, or getting rid of the blanket, or pulling the blanket back on. 
Or, if you try and reduce your dosage a little too much, a little too quickly you wake up drenched in sweat with your clothes soaked through.
If you try and reduce your dosage a little too much, a little too quickly all of the above mentioned withdrawal symptoms are magnified several times over and it literally becomes a living hell. It can be as bad as full-blown acute opiate withdrawal from a high level of opiates. These are both things that I have lived through, so I know this from personal experience. 
Simply trying to get off of buprenorphine by slowly reducing my dosage over the last 10 1/2 weeks at a time has unquestionably been the single most difficult, painful and horrific experience of my life, aside from more than 10 years of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy.
I have advanced Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, also known as Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome. RSD/CRPS – as well as Trigeminal Neuralgia – has been called the most painful condition there is, it is also sometimes referred to as  ‘The Suicide Disease,” so when I say that getting off of buprenorphine is the most horrible and painful thing I have ever experienced that really means something.
I’ve already I’ve been weaning myself off buprenorphine for 10 1/2 weeks and I still have another 12 or 16 weeks to go – if I’m lucky. It may take even longer. And from what I have read, even once I have stopped taking buprenorphine completely, I can expect another month or two of significant withdrawal symptoms in the form of depression, anxiety, lethargy etc.
It is my personal opinion, based on more than 15 weeks of personal experience of being on buprenorphine, and 10 1/2 indescribably horrible weeks of trying to get off of buprenorphine, that this is a horrible medication, and for a chronic pain patient to use it as an alternative to opiates is a horrible mistake.
It is my personal opinion, based on personal experience, that putting chronic pain patients on either buprenorphine or Suboxone and telling them that it is a safe and effective alternative to opiates is a horrible scam.
It is my personal opinion, based on personal experience, that putting chronic pain patients on either buprenorphine or Suboxone and telling them that it is a safe and effective alternative to opiates is not only medically irresponsible, it is an outright lie.
Getting off of 40mg of hydrocodone per day after six months took two weeks and was no more unpleasant than a mild case of the flu.
With buprenorphine, it took 3 1/2 weeks to simply reduce my dosage from 6mg a day to 4mg a day and it was freaking horrible. I am still having extremely unpleasant withdrawal symptoms after being on 4mg a day for a week, and I expect this will continue for at least another week before I am stable.
STAY. THE. HELL. AWAY. FROM. BUPRENORPHINE.

Chuck Malinowski

******************

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The Opioid Hysteria Hits Home


Hello Luvs,

I wanted to write to you today to share with you something that I know many of us are dealing with these days. It’s about what happened at my pain management Dr. appointment on 11-8-18. First of all, every 30 days, I have to go and endure this treatment and I live with PTSD. It always rears its ugly head the day prior to my appointment with this Dr. or any new Dr. appointments. I’ll just refer you to my other article “Down the Rabbit Hole” if you need a reminder as to what has occurred up until now.

I arrived at the appointment which was in the late morning this time. I usually go in the afternoon because mornings are difficult for me, with my pain issues. But the past 6 months or so, I’ve had horrible anxiety when I know this appointment is drawing nearer. The closer it gets, the worse I start to feel psychologically and physically with the above symptoms on top of the pain. I decided to make this appointment in the morning because I thought it would not ruin our day so much. Just “get it over with” and be done; get on with our day. But it once again, did ruin my/our day.

I’ve had this pain management Dr. since July 2015, after my other Dr. of 15 years left suddenly. At that time I had been on the fentanyl patch and the lollipops for 10 years. This Dr. told me he would only accept me if I took myself off of the lollipops and I did it. I had to suffer through physical dependence withdrawals. I did it at home with my soulmate, my husband.

I’ve never rescheduled an appointment with him, nor have I ever been late. I’ve never run out of meds or asked for them early.  He knows of every medication that I take or have taken and honestly, I don’t feel like its up to me to have to “remind” him that I sometimes take Fiorcet for Chiari Migraines. He and I had a mutual respect sort of Dr./patient relationship up until April of this year 2018.  But that day everything changed and it turned out to be nothing that I did wrong. He had forgotten that I take Fiorcet and it doesn’t always show up on MAPS (Michigan Automated Prescription Service – *explanation found here*: https://www.michigan.gov/lara/0,4601,7-154-72600_72603_55478—,00.html) because its such a low risk medication and not a high class either.  But whether it shows up on the MAPS is not up to me. Nor is it my fault in any way if it shows up or not, as long as he’s known from the beginning that I’ve been on it for more than 7 years.  This one particular day in April, he started being rude to me for no reason whatsoever. I went to my appointments in May, June and July.  But I was horribly anxious and very “ill” prior to each appointment, due to anxiety and PTSD symptoms.

This last visit was another horrible appointment and was possibly the final one for me. I am done being treated like a criminal or an addict! I’m tired of feeling “put down”! I’ve never smoked or drank; nor have I ever taken any drugs. I received one more short acting script and now I will be tapering myself slowly off of the short acting medication as well. It will be horrible because it’s already horrible. It will be difficult and it’s already difficult.  He lied to me in July, telling me that “in Michigan, Fentanyl patch is illegal for him to prescribe (he is a pain management Dr. and Anesthesiologist MD), unless someone has malignant cancer”. I know this is not true and he told me that “I am smart and should be able to verify this online”.  I checked Michigan law and the fentanyl patch warning on the box. It says only that it is “for chronic long term moderate to severe pain that will not be going away.” If anyone has any idea where I can find this in writing; I welcome that information.

I got a letter from my GI Dr. (*see letter below) because he felt it was dangerous to take me off of the Fentanyl patch. With Gastroparesis, SIBO and Chronic Erosive Gastritis; along with EDS type 4/vascular and more, I am not able to metabolize the long acting oral meds. Believe, me, I’ve tried many things and either was allergic, got very ill, it did not help at all or it had large valleys and spikes. The patch just worked for my pain and it was the best match for me and my multiple co-morbidities.

Yesterday’s appointment he told me that “Chronic pain does not kill anyone”. I told him that I was in my recliner now 16+ hours per day due to the pain. He responded by telling me that my cardiologist should not have put me on Clonidine. I’ve been on it since 2015, but went off of it for awhile in between. He knew this also but apparently it slipped his mind because that must be what’s making me “tired.” But in reality, it’s the pain that’s keeping me down. Also, I only get about 4 hours of sleep on a good night.

My cardiologist told me to take 1/2 of only 1mg at night. He prescribed it for me and said it would help with the physical pain & dependence withdrawals. Thank goodness someone cared enough to help me a bit!

I tried to explain that I had resigned from many activities that I was able to do with the medications. He told me that none of this has to do with the medication for pain being taken away after 14 years. He went on to say that “Susan (you’d think after 3.5 years he’d get that my name is “SUZANNE” not “Susan), you and other chronic pain patients are hostages to the pain medications”. These are the same medications that he was fine with for the 3.5 years I’ve been going to him! He also knew that my history was even longer. I’ve been taking opioids since 2005, in order to have some semblance of a life. But just for the record, I’ll let you know that I tried everything else possible fir 3 years, before resorting to the opioids.

This pain management Dr. has told me all along that he cannot make my pain go away. But he can help lessen the pain by prescribing opioids. When he made the “hostage” comment, I responded with; well “instead , now I’m a hostage to the pain”. Yesterday he told us (my husband & me), that all of his patients still tell him they have pain “with or without the pain meds”. I responded by telling him “Yes, that is true, but I had a life with the meds and I have no quality of life now. The pain medication dulled the pain without ever giving me any kind of “high”. Now the pain is much more sharp, pronounced and at the front of my thoughts. I’m not able to concentrate much or put the pain in another place at the back of my brain.”

I started to explain to him that I have several “Physicians, pain physicians and nurses that are my friends online”.  I added that this past week I was diagnosed after an echocardiogram, with “left atrium enlargement”. I’ve had a heart attack, a CVA and a TIA twice. I have Atrial fibrillation, Sick Sinus Syndrome and a pacemaker since 2003. I’ve never had CHF but that’s what this means. I told him that “chronic pain can kill and under treated chronic pain can make blood sugar and blood pressure rise”, which has been happening to me.  He became very upset with me and started to pontificate about how “each symptom needs to be treated by a Dr. who takes care of that problem.  If my blood sugar is high, I need to go to a diabetes Dr. and if my blood pressure is too high, then I need that addressed by a physician who takes care of that issue. He went on to say that “chronic long term pain does not and cannot kill you.  Only acute pain can possibly make BP and HR etc. rise.” But from Dr. Tennant’s own account in his article (Practical Pain Mgmt. By Dr Forrest Tennant MD , from another article, by Pharmacist Steve Ariens, ( Harmful Effects of Untreated Pain )  and this article that I had written last year (that was also published in Ntl. Pain Report), “Chronic pain can kill” (Untreated Chronic Pain Can Lead to Sudden Cardiac Death ), he is the one who is lying.

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Pain Acceptance, The Newest Lie


As I was listening to the Vox.com podcast a few days ago, I heard the voice of PROP’s president, Jane Ballentyne, surprised and complaining about how she’s been treated recently. After hearing about her belief regarding the “acceptance of pain”; several pain patients wrote negatively to her in the comments of articles and a podcast.  Some people even wrote to her employer at the University of Washington and wanted her fired, she says. I’m wondering, why she is so surprised? But obviously those who agree with her and think this is a good idea, have not lived with daily, unrelenting, horrible pain such as the kind that comes with  illnesses like:  CRPS, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Ankylosing Spondylosis and many others.

What I don’t understand is that in these modern liberal days of persons not having to accept anything else about themselves, why are pain patients being forced to “accept” their pain? Today in 2017, people are allowed to change their gender, nationality and  their bodies.  There’s nothing wrong with a man becoming a woman, or a Caucasian man becoming a Filipino woman; as I saw on the news the other night. In 2017, there’s nothing wrong with a woman getting liposuction on her hips, if she feels they are too big, or breast implants if she feels those are too small. If other human beings are “allowed” to do all of this, then why are chronic pain patients supposed to or urged now, to accept their torturous, horrific daily 24/7/365 state of living with chronic pain?? Now days nobody has to “just accept” anything about themselves. Something is really “fishy” here? In my own personal opinion, I feel like the United States is trying to kill off it’s weakest and most vulnerable chronic pain patients. Why do you think this might be the case? Again, my thoughts are that it is because they are concerned that the “baby boomers” are going to deplete the Medicare/Medicaid system and there won’t be anything left soon. Why not “get rid of” the sickest and most weak of Americans to save some money? I don’t know this of course, but it sure is a scary thought when everyone else is allowed to surgically change everything about their gender, race and body; but the chronic pain patients are now not allowed to have the simplest pill that can help to lower their chronic pain.  Suddenly, opioids are now being considered evil and all must be destroyed.  We must learn to “accept our pain”.  I don’t want to just accept my pain, anymore than someone who feels that they were born the wrong gender, should have to stay that way forever and just “accept” it.

So I’ve been researching other countries and speaking to other chronic pain patients around the world, thanks to the internet.  I was discussing the “opioid crisis” with my friend in Israel.  He sent me a piece of information about a University of Michigan Coursera. You can look at what I looked at here:  Teach-Out: Solving the Opioid Crisis/Coursera.  He told me that he had been seeing what’s happening in the USA and how concerned we are about the topic of Opioids.  He wanted to know if this was truth or not?   Naturally,  you must take the course to learn about what they want you to know. But just from the introduction that I read, it is packed full of disinformation. They tell the same “lies” that were exposed in Andrew Kolodny’s article “The Opioid Epidemic in 6 Charts”. Josh Bloom, a journalist and PHD, exposes how Kolodny, those that follow him, and some of the media (it seems), are changing the truth to their advantage. In his article, The Opioid Epidemic In 6 Charts Designed To Deceive You , Josh proves how in Kolodny’s orginial article, The Opioid Epidemic in 6 Charts, deceives us with false numbers.  The first sentence that Kolodny writes in his editorial states “drug overdose deaths” are about 60,000 annually. When we see that we immediately think that he’s talking about prescription pain medication overdoses. But, Josh Bloom points out that actually 30,000 people were killed.  This included all opioids including heroin.  The actual true number of deaths just from prescription pain medications or opioids used for chronic pain; was about 17,000.  Also, in Mr. Blooms article as cited above, he states that the number of 17,000 is “half the number of accidental falls”.  But 17,000 is not exactly right either, because that includes all opioid overdose deaths which were in combination with other medications.  The true death by opioid pain medications is about 5,000, according to this same article.  That is much less than Kolodny’s original “60,000 deaths”, scare tactic, from drug overdose.

Also, why are we not looking into the deaths by alcohol?  According to the NIH (National Institute of Health), the NIAAA (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism) and this article Alcohol Facts and Statistics, “88,000 (62,000 men and 26,000 women) people die from alcohol-related causes annually”.  This makes alcohol the third  preventable cause of death in the United States. Do you know that the first and second causes of preventable deaths are from tobacco and poor diet/physical inactivity? So why are we not talking about the Alcohol and/or tobacco related death epidemic? Do you want to know why? I know I sure would like to know the answer.

My friends in other countries are telling me to come and live there. They don’t understand why this is happening over here in the USA? The friend that I was referring to earlier on, who lives in Israel; cannot believe that this is happening to the people he knows here in the USA.  He even said that he sent me the information regarding the Coursera, because he “had a feeling they were lying”. He asked me “Do you have any guess why they are doing all of these things to hurt all of you?” The only answer that I could come up with is, “Money”. The reason that I stated above, regarding Medicare/Medicaid and the baby boomers. I was embarrassed to say that to my friend, but I still did. His response was “this is horrible”. He said that “in Israel you can get as much as you need; as long as it is opioids and not medical marijuana”.  It is totally opposite of that here in the USA.  In Israel, the primary care doc can prescribe what he believes will help the diagnosis of his patients. Imagine that! Oh wait, that is how it used to be here in the USA also! But not anymore!  I asked my friend if his primary  or pain Dr. helps him more? He told me “My primary helps me, of course! She helps the most.  She is nice, caring and gave me the pain medication with out any pain doctors advice.  On her own, because she is a DOCTOR herself…..you know? AS it should be”! Also, as I feel it should be in the United States once again.

Gaslighting: How A Flicker Of Self-Doubt Warps Our Response To Sexual Harassment and pain 


I was so touched by this email that I received from my friend and colleague, Dr. Mark Ibsen, M.D.. I wanted to re-post this here in my blog, because I thought you would enjoy reading it.

**This is a guest blog post written by Dr Mark Ibsen MD***(He’s referring to this article: https://www.npr.org/2017/11/25/565729334/gaslighting-how-a-flicker-of-self-doubt-warps-our-response-to-sexual-harassment)

********

When I read this,

I could see how pain patients are often gaslighted

Out of their story, their reality

By the domination structure.

Not always male ( think Jayne Ballentyne)

But

Very similar to the harms associated with

Sexual harassment/abuse that is so currently in our national focus.

Whether male or female

Pain makes us doubt our own reality.

This is what makes it such a terrorist.

IMHO

Can we piggy back into the abuse conversation?

Can we make the case that those with arachnoiditis, for example

Were harmed by needle jockeys

Then

Dealt with dismissively ( no one will believe you)

Then

Cowed into submission by being threatened with loss of their medication?

Or

Cancer patients who survive,

Yet can’t get pain relief for their neuropathy,

And get the message:they should  be grateful to be alive…

Or

Wounded warriors who return from Iraq or Afghanistan with

Severe injuries and ptsd

Who must reinvent their entire persona?

Maybe there’s something useful in being with this issue in a new way…

https://www.npr.org/2017/11/25/565729334/gaslighting-how-a-flicker-of-self-doubt-warps-our-response-to-sexual-harassment

Or any kind of harassment.

I’ve been gaslighting myself for years in response to the attack on my practice by

The Montana BOME,

Along with the ptsd from hearings where my

Personality was attacked

My integrity impugned

And

My mental health repeatedly called into question.

Of course the financial disaster of

Loss of my business

Medical costs

Legal wrangling

Has been great,

But the greatest impact has been on my confidence

Faith

Optimism

And

Open hearted empathy.

Yet,

Overcoming these self doubts,

While a daily regimen

Has taught me to be more authentic

Has shown me that being Raw upgrades my intuition and healing skill set,

Making a wider range of emotional states available to me, as well as the opportunity to transform these states.

So- yes Pain IS an F/N terrorist.

And

While I have yet to develop gratitude for

Mike Fanning and the Board

Sarah Damm

Dea agents Addis and Tuss

Pharmacists who refuse to follow the CSA and refuse to fill my Rx

And

Others who ripped me off when I was reeling,

I also

Have learned the validity of Winston Churchill’s statement from WWI:

” nothing so enlivens the soul as to be shot at without result”

It took me 4 days of the Thanksgiving holiday to get to this place. Thanks to friends

Community

Therapy

And

Alanon

And Candy

Be well

Mark Ibsen MD

Helena Mt.

Introduction To: Inside Incurable Lives


We see so much in print these days about the “addicted”, the “overdoses”, the “bad guys” that are posting incorrect information all over the internet and about the opioid crisis.  Of course it seems as though only those of us living with daily chronic pain, truly understand that the “crisis” is indeed one of the pain patients “falling through the cracks”. Being-untreated or under treated and then committing suicide or having to spend the rest of their lives in agony.  This is the true “Opioid Crisis”.  But then I saw a short clip of a very well spoken, kind young woman named Victoria Suan.  She was asking for volunteers to help with an upcoming video compilation called “Inside Incurable Lives”, that she was doing for Social media.  She was going to follow a few stories of persons living with daily chronic pain and show how it affects their lives. I responded to her request and sent in some video clips; as did several other chronic pain patients. The first Social media video compilation called “Inside Incurable Lives, Episode 1”,  came out in September 2017.  In the second video compilation, Victoria was asking if chronic pain patients would be able to tell her “What one pain medication, would they not be able to live without?” Secondly, “If your Dr. Could no longer provide this, what would you do?”  The second video compilation project, “Inside Incurable Lives Episode 2”, focused on the voices of pain patients and their views regarding access or lack of access to opioid pain medications as well as medical marijuana. Episode  2  finished and posted in October. I was happy to be able to participate in both of these projects. I’m trying to help with this crisis in any way that I can. Later, I will be providing the links to these 2 video compilations for Social media. But first, I want you to introduce you to Victoria Suan, and her feature Documentary “Becoming Incurable”.

Victoria lives in California and since High school, she was interested in becoming a filmmaker. She graduated from Sacramento State with a Communications degree. She started creating short documentaries during college and then afterwards she decided that she wanted to make a feature documentary. She started researching blogs and video’s on YouTube. From there she discovered the chronic illness community. Victoria found through her research, what she describes as “a wonderful support network of people who are giving one another validation as they deal with the frustrations of chronic pain.”  She told me that she was thrilled by what she saw, and inspired. She decided to create a feature documentary about “chronic illness through intimate stories of real people living with chronic pain”. Starting out with her cousin who lives with Dystonia and a friend with another incurable condition, she then found her third featured person for the documentary. She describes the 8 or 9 months of filming as a “wonderful journey”.

The two video compilations on social media, that I participated in, were an extension of her feature documentary. Victoria then made a Facebook page and it became a platform for the chronic illness and pain communities.  She has become a “voice” for those of us who live with pain & chronic illnesses and she is showing our side of this painful journey.   She also wants to do whatever she can so people learn about her feature documentary. 

Before we get to the two video compilations in which the chronic pain communitiy on Facebook participated; I’d like to share some of Victoria Suan’s views about the opioid crisis.  I feel that it is very important to listen to the views of others who are neither patient, politician nor physician. Now that she has become close to several of us from the shorter video’s; I asked what her thoughts and feelings are, regarding what is happening to the chronic pain community? Her response was very heartfelt and thoughtful. Victoria told me that regarding the opioid crisis, she “really feels for the families and individuals that are dealing with addiction. Sadly, there aren’t enough ways to treat addiction without affecting the millions of chronic pain patients in our society.”  She told me that she’d read that Governor Chris Christie blames hospitals and physicians for starting this opioid epidemic. She wondered “how would a person dealing with chronic pain feel about this? How ignored and betrayed they must feel.  Is it wrong to eliminate a torturous level of pain by taking medication as prescribed by Dr.s?”  My own feelings are that politicians seem to not really care as long as it doesn’t touch them or their own families.  Victoria agrees that they just don’t want to listen to this. She feels that as chronic pain patients, we should not have to fight so hard just to be heard, really listened to.  But we are trying to fight because our very lives depend on it.

Victoria feels that it is “sad that one governors personal opinion can do more to influence legislation than the voices of millions of chronic pain patients.” She is happy that there are News outlets such as this and others, along with non profit organizations, such as the U.S. Pain Foundation; that are educating the public about chronic pain.  Victoria thinks that the film industry; especially a film called “Unrest” that is touring worldwide; and her documentary, “Becoming Incurable”, show that efforts are being made to educate and inform the general public about chronic pain.

Lastly, I wondered what she has learned from doing the 2 video compilations and the documentary film. She mentioned that she hadn’t realized before doing this, how difficult it is for people living with chronic pain to “do normal tasks, such as getting out of bed and/or going to the grocery store”.  I think that it taught her and hopefully will teach others about “Invisible Illnesses”.  She says that actually seeing these people in their pain, made her “truly acknowledge what life is like with chronic pain and illness”.  She feels that these projects taught her that each person has their own unique story to tell. She has figured out through these projects, that we are united in our pain yet each of our situations vary widely. I want to share with you in Victoria’s words, what she wants people to learn from watching “Becoming Incurable”. She hopes that people “will see these video compilations showcasing pain patients and stand with organizations that are fighting for the chronic illness community.  If our government continues on this path of neglect, I’m certain that chronic pain patients will be forced to fight a human rights issue.  I think this has already begun, as we are learning the numbers of chronic illness patients committing suicide.  It is important that we speak and act now in order to invalidate a campaign that deems anyone taking opioid medication as a suspect of the addiction problem.

Here are the links to the 2 video compilations of “Inside Incurable Lives” by film producer, Victoria Suan:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjrJnriz6y8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CuFEgnz8yA

https://www.flipsnack.com/becomingincurable/inside-incurable-lives-issue-1.html?0=becomingincurable

Please Take 1 Minute


I am excited to announce that I have been nominated for the Wego health “Best in show-Blog” award category in the sixth annual Wego health awards.

Wego helped is a mission driven Company connecting healthcare with the experience, skills, and insight of patient leaders. They are the worlds largest network of patient leaders, working across virtually all health conditions and topics. Click here: to learn more about their patient leader network.

The WEGO Health Awards were created to celebrate those who tirelessly support the mission of Wego health: to empower the patient voice. The 16 award categories, the Wego health awards are the only awards across all conditions and platforms, that recognize the over 100,000 inspiring patient leaders who raise awareness, share information, and support their communities-but often without recognition.

First, I would like to say “thank you” to those who nominated me for this award. I appreciate the time, the kindness in your heart and thoughtfulness that it took to nominate me & this Blog, “Tears of Truth”. To be nominated for this award category “Best in Show-Blog” means so much to me. It means that I am reaching people and they enjoy reading what I write. I truly pray that I am helping people and reaching people who otherwise wouldn’t get some of the information that I offer and share. In being a patient leader I have gotten to work with many wonderful people, made new friends, and have had chances to do research on bio similar medications and other subjects to do with many aspects of various illnesses.

This year, the 16 Wego health award winners will be honored at the 5th annual patient advocacy summit in Washington, DC October 23 and 24th, 2017. I would love to be able to attend this advocacy event and collaborate with the industry leaders. If you’d like more information about the summit you can learn more if you Click here

I am now looking to my incredibly supportive network to help endorse me for this award. There is an easy way to endorse it only takes seconds of your time!  Click here to be taken to my Wego Health awards profile where you can click “Endorse” under my nominee photo.

If I had ever supported you, made you laugh, or inspired you to keep fighting-please consider endorsing me for this award? In advance, I would like to say once more “thank you so much”. Without you I wouldn’t have a popular blog and I wouldn’t be nominated for this honorable award.

@WEGOHealth

Please Help This Blog Win?


Hello Luvs!

This year for the WEGO HEALTH awards, my blog/this blog……our Blog; “Tears of Truth”, has been nominated “Best in Show””-Blog”! It was nominated through the WEGO Health awards website! We are so excited! Please just take a moment of your time and endorse my nomination by visiting the ensure below and just click on “endorse Suzanne Stewart”. I need your help to walk with me through this every step of the way, if you’d do me the honor? I did not participate last year when I felt that I couldn’t beg people to vote for me. But this year I feel like this blog deserves the award and “it” has been nominated. It’s not so much “ME”, but this Blog, that deserves the nomination and maybe, hopefully the award for “Best in Show-Blog”… here’s the link to endorse this blog! Thank you! So much! Please also “share this link”….thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart!

 Here’s the link:

https://awards.wegohealth.com/nominees/562

What You See Is Not What You Get!


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Having Chronic Pain is unlike the pain following a surgery or even the pain after an injury. Many things about Chronic pain are not seen with our eyes. There are so many “invisible diseases” that involve living with exhaustion, illness and pain.  Many people think they know about these issues. If they’ve not witnessed life with a chronic pain patient, then they truly cannot understand or know what we live with on a daily basis. People are misinformed and sometimes quick to judge persons living with pain day after day.  Some think we are lazy, anti-social or just rude.  We cancel appointments, shopping trips and dinner dates with our friends and family. But we are not any of the above. We are people who have hopes, dreams and inspirations; just as anyone else. The issue is that our futures don’t include many of those same things after we become chronic pain patients.  We must grieve our losses and find new hopes and dreams.  This is the price that we pay for living with chronic pain 24/7/365.

I am still “me” underneath the chronic fatigue and pain.  I still want to talk with you and hear about your day, family and dreams.  In between the days of staying in my PJ’s and lying in my bed or on the sofa, I try hard to be a part of your “normal” world.  Some days I may even look “normal” to you. In fact, most of the time, I probably appear to be “just like everybody else.  I try to wear nice pants, cute dresses and sometimes I put on make up, just like you do! If you visit my Social Media photo feeds, you’ll see someone who “looks normal”, holding onto her grandchildren’s hands, smiling and actually joyful underneath the pain somewhere.  Sometimes even sitting on the floor with them.  You may read about me “babysitting” for our grandchildren; or going out to dinner with our friends.  You may even want to “judge” me by saying to yourself “How can she be that sick or in that much pain, if she’s doing all of these things?”  If you think like that, I can’t blame you because I once thought those same misinformed thoughts.  What you don’t see, is how I get to the floor or how long I am actually down there.  You don’t see my husband helping me (and doing most of the work) to get me up and off of the floor.  You don’t actually know how long I am down there or how many pillows may be behind my back. You also don’t know that I most likely stayed home in my pajama’s all day until 4:00 pm when we had dinner plans at 5:15 pm.  You also aren’t privy to the information of how long I might’ve stayed at dinner and “if” I was able to even eat anything that night.  Not only do I have several chronic pain illnesses, but many of them are invisible to you. They are very much visible to me. I can “see” them with each new line on my face and each new grey hair that gets covered up each month. I can’t only “see” the pain, but I feel it with every part of my being. It doesn’t go away, not ever.  Though some days are better or worse than others; the chronic pain of “Invisible Disabilities” and “Invisible Illness” is apparent to me every minute of every day.  Often I fight with myself about going to sleep at night.  Do I try to go to bed at a more normal time and maybe get 4 -5 hours rest? Or do I stay up until I drop; then fall asleep quickly and wake up in just 2 or 3 hours?  If I sleep more than 2 or 3 hours, I will awaken and cry.  Whether it be inner tears or outward ones, I will cry from feeling as though someone set my body on fire due to the CRPS. I will have tears from feeling like my neck and back are broken from the Degenerative Disc disease, Spondylosis, Scoliosis and/or multiple herniated/bulging discs in both my cervical and lumbar spine; not to mention the Chiari malformation I in my neck. Yes, if I move or get up before I’m ready, I definitely will cry.  It’ a routine that we have, you know?  My husband gets up at 6:00 am every day to give me my medicine; just so that I will be able to get up with him a couple of hours after that. He is my hero.

You cannot feel Gastroparesis, but if I eat one wrong food at dinner time; I will be up all night and very sick. My husband, who is also my soul-mate and my caregiver; knows all too well about these long nights.  I have worries, though he continues to tell me that they are unfounded; that he will get tired of all of this one day. It’s not much fun to be with someone who is constantly complaining about pain, so I try to keep it to a minimum.  But even to him, my pain is not invisible.  He knows the grimace of  CRPS and the fidgeting of the intensifying pain on an outing.  He knows that when I start rocking back and forth, it’s his cue to step in and say “time to go home”.  I know that my own family gets frustrated with me because I’m not able to babysit “alone” or have kids dropped off on the spur of the moment.  I cannot commit to babysitting for the little ones under school age for a week.  I’m not able to help take the load off of my children and their spouses, so that they can go on a trip. There are many things that I cannot do but there’s so much that I still have to give.

Please don’t judge what you do not understand. If you think you know, then go and read some more about chronic illnesses and pain. Spend time with someone like me and see how impaired the activities of daily living have become.  I’m probably not always much fun to hang out with, but I’m still “me” inside.  Digging through the pain and exhaustion, there’s a real person inside, who still has a heart and feelings that can be hurt.  Feelings that are probably more fragile than most because of the judgements, stares and hurtful words that come from some people who are misjudging and misinformed.  I’ve had nasty notes put on my windshield, that would make anyone cry.  One note said this “How dare you take this HC parking space! It must be a “mental thing”! I hope you become handicapped for the rest of your life, so you know how it feels to have someone take your parking spot”! Yes, indeed; that was the note left on my car at a little market right across the street from my house.  I had my cane in the grocery cart and the little blue HC parking permit on my rear view mirror.  But I was still judged and torn to shreds because of the way I look.

Please know the difference between being able to stand for 20 minutes and being able to stand all day.  The difference between having the flu and feeling that same way for many many years! Try and understand that what I might be able to do today, I probably won’t be able to do tomorrow.  Don’t say “Oh you look happy and healthy” or tell me that I’m looking or sounding “better”.  I’m just trying to cope with the life that I have been dealt. Please don’t judge me if I try to do awareness events or fundraisers for the causes of my illnesses and those of my friends.  Though I may “do” these things; I definitely know that I will “pay” for it later.  I will rest for days in between and sometimes weeks.  But I deserve to do things and to try and be happy; even if it is in between the pain at its worst and best.  Please know that getting out and doing things doesn’t make me feel better, it actually makes me feel worse for days at a time.

Chronic pain is hard for you to understand. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind.
It is exhausting and exasperating.  I’m doing my best to cope and live my life to the best of my ability.  I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am.

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